I= IMPLANTS (on hot women of course)
Red Zone (Hell): When the ratio of strollers to implants is greater than 2:1 in a given location. You are surrounded by little rugrats whose parents refuse to believe in the concept of parental supervision. You are trapped in this hellhole and there is no hope for escape, as there are no hotties in sight.
Orange Zone (Purgatory): The SI ratio is between 1:1 and 2:1. You still have time to get out and save yourself. There just might be enough hotties to make this area to make it habitable.
Green Zone: The SI ratio is between 1:1 and 1:2. A decent enough place to find yourself living in. Hey I don't hate little kids, just as long as they are well supervised by sexy MILFS with some silicone implants. Jesus Christ this is the most misogynist blog post ever but hey its fucking funny and you know it.
Blue Zone: The SI ratio is better than 1:2. Heaven on earth. Ummm what more can I say. No screaming temper tantrums, and plenty of sexiness for everybody.