Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Best and Worst of 2009

Another year in the books, here's the wrapup. Have a safe, happy, drunken, sex-filled evening everybody! Remember to designate a driver/call a cab, and of course, wrap it up.

Best Moment: Mark Loretta, the forgotten 25th man singles home Casey Blake to propel the Dodgers to an impossible improbable 3-2 win over the Cardinals in Game 2 of the NLDS. Kershaw-Wainwright was one hell of a duel, but the Dodgers take advantage of a Matt Holliday error to take a 2-0 series lead. Being at the game kind of helped. Hugging random strangers and screaming and yelling in the parking lot for the next hour FTW!

Worst Moment: Game 4 of the NLCS. Don't want to talk about it, lets just say that day will haunt me from here to eternity.

Best Game: Detroit Tigers-Minnesota Twins one game playoff. Quite possibly the most electric and intense baseball game I have ever seen, that had a little bit of everything in it. Nonstop suspense the entire game, with fervent rallies every half inning, and sick sick clutch plays made at every turn. Very honorable mention: The Super Bowl

Worst Game: Dallas Cowboys-Washington Redskins really both of the matchups. Talk about unentertaining slopfests. I'm a fan of good defensive football, but these games were just flat out boring as hell.

Most Underrated Chick: Zooey Deschanel. Absolutely <3 her, very talented, and just cute and in her own way.

Most Overrated Chick: Ohh boy I'm about to lose all the straight male readership, but Angelina Jolie. I mean don't get me wrong, she's hawt, and I'd insta hit it, but she's definitely not in that top class of hot celebrity women, and tattoos on chicks really DON'T do it for me.

Best Individual Performance: Larry Fitzgerald 2009 NFL Playoffs. 4 Games, at least 100yards + 1 TD in every game, for a total of 627 yards, and 7 Fucking Touchdowns. The man single handedly willed his team to within 30 seconds, and a miraculous Santonio Holmes TD of a Championship, and *not so hidden brag* has been the cornerstone of back to back fantasy championships for your truly.

Worst Individual Performance (tie): Jake Delhomme and JaMarcus Russell. Delhomme for 5 INT's + a fumble in the Panthers' playoff loss to the Cardinals, and then a season of futility and turnovers this season. The Panthers are a good QB away from being an elite team, just see what they've done with Matt Freakin Moore at the helm. JaMarcus Russell just for being the lol biggest bust since Ryan Leaf.

Best Politician of the Year: LOL

Worst Politician of the Year: Message: ERROR: Too much data to calculate properly

Best Player on a Bad Team (three way tie): Zack Grinke + Jamaal Charles + Joshua Cribbs. If you've seen any of these guys play, then you know how insanely gifted and talented all three of these players are. If any of these guys played for a good team, they would be household names/superstars.

Worst Player on a Good Team: LOL Milton Bradley. Talk about an insane waste of God-given talent. The man not only was spewtastically awful on the field, but helped bring down the NL's best team from a year before. Good luck Seattle, you're going to need it.

Greatest Drunken Escapade: Very tough category (a) Because I don't remember most of the greatest times and (b) There were a bunch of good moments this year, but no elite standout moment like the first time in Vegas, or giving random chicks the Queen of Hearts and the Queen of Diamonds in a desperate attempt to get laid. With that being said, I'm going to go with the whole Vegas trip, just because we were all perma drunk there. Getting thrown in the pool by crazy drunk women + everybody kind of getting lost and not remembering what happened + consuming like 378794978 stripper/hooker cards and said cards somehow ending up in Woman's travel bag (I still don't know how that happened) + Randomly "interviewing" everybody I ran into up and down the Vegas strip, and the conversation that I had with the brothers, ohh + trying to jump off the outdoor escalator on a dare. Great times all.

Worst Drunken Escapade: I don't want to talk about it.

Most Super Awesome Thing that Happened in 2009: Two of my best friends in the world getting engaged. Congrats again you two. The dinner was great, the planning and execution were exceptional (hey I managed not to fuck up by first best man duty), and the after party was fun as hell.

Worst UnSuper Awesome Thing that Happened in 2009: Two of my best friends in the world getting engaged for reasons that have been discussed at length many many many times.

Best Movie of 2009: Inglourious Basterds. Hope I'm not forgetting anything, but this one had me hooked from start to finish. Great story, fantastic dialogue, and just blood-curdling tension the entire time. The opening scene may be the best opening scene in any movie I've ever seen, and the actor who played Landa, the German Colonel better win a fucking Oscar.

Worst Movie of 2009: Twilight New Moon and its not even close. Thoroughly unentertaining, a bunch of emo crying bullshit, an unattractive female lead, a bunch of half-naked guys running around, with NO FUCKING half-naked chicks to balance it out, and possibly the most uninteresting story in human history. Seriously, who the fuck cares about these fucktards and what happens to them?

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