Tuesday, December 21, 2010

First Timer Strip Club Tips

Going to a strip club for the first time can be exciting, nervewracking, and also VERY VERY expensive. The first time I went I had no idea what was going on or what to do, and got absolutely fleeced in the wallet.

- Go with me. Hit me up and I'll make sure that you (a) go the right club. yes there's a HUGE difference between good clubs i.e. those in the City of Industry and shitty clubs i.e. those in Orange County. I know all the tricks of the trade and make sure you get the most bang for your buck, yes pun intended.

- Watch the chicks' stage dances before you get a dance from her. If she gives a shitty half-assed stage dance, she'll almost invariably give a shitty lap dance.

- General Rule of Thumb: The uglier the chick the better dance/more extracurricular stuff she will give. Pretty much because the 9's and 10's don't need to do anything but give shitty dances to get paid. With this in mind, target the 7's and 8's frequently and often.

- 100% AGREE to a specific price ahead of time. Some clubs make you actually pay the dancer ahead of time, and this is very important or eventually you're gonna get robbed. These chicks are mentally unstable as crazy as fuck, so you gotta take precautions to protect yourself.

- Whatever cash you bring with you expect to spend. These strippers' job is to bilk you for all you have. To that end leave all credit/debit cards at home or you might wake up with a 0 balance in your bank account. Luckily this has never happened to me.

- Don't get attached. This actually hasn't happened to me, but remember that they could give two shits about you, everything they say to you is total bullshit, its all about getting paid to these chicks. They're using you, so don't feel about using them.

- HAVE FUN! ENJOY the show, make it rain, tip your waitresses well, and have a good time.

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