Thursday, May 26, 2011

Man Laws Revisited

I've been encountering many discussions recently regarding what is a man law violation and what is not, so here is a refresher course. The first two laws are etched in stone, and violation of either results is "A Technical Foul" (please at least one person get the reference) resulting in loss of friendship.

MAN LAW #1: What a bro tells another bro in secrecy remains between them. No telling the girlfriend, the wife, the mistress, NOBODY!

MAN LAW #2: No sleeping with your bro's girlfriend/fiancee/wife, or mother under ANY circumstances. One night stands with a sister or ex are also strictly forbidden, but falling in love with and marrying a sister or ex is ok.

The rest of the man laws are not friendship lost man laws, but ones punishable by some good-natured ribbing, a sock to the nuts, etc. etc. There are many more, but these are what I feel like posting for now.

Man Law #3: The only acceptable chaser for a shot is a swig of beer or another shot. None of this lime shit or water shit.

Man Law #4: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, except herpes, that shit will come back with you.

Man Law #5: When your wingman "fucks the ugly one" for you, you must return the favor at your earliest convenience.

Man Law #6: NEVER BREAK UP A GIRL FIGHT EVER!!! Violation of this law results in you automatically losing your mancard forever, and being required to wear a sign that says: "I am a Vagina" around your neck for a period of one week.

Man Law #7: A man must immediately inform all bros in the immediate vicinity of: a girl fight, two chicks making out, two chicks having sex, or the opening of a new strip club. EXCEPTION: If making said notification might result in the ending of said activity, then said man gets a pass.

Man Law #8: You must passionately love either sports or cars. Loving both is perfectly acceptable, but if you hate both, well you might as well move to San Francisco, put a skirt on, and bend over for some drag queen you faggot! Note: the moderator holds no will ill towards the gay community, I merely mean to mock "straight men" who don't like either sports or cars.

Man Law #9: You officially become a man the day that you suffer a sports injury. If you've been lucky and have never had one, well work on your cutbacks, make the Ravens practice squad as a RB, and before the first snap, call out Ray Lewis and call him a fucking pussy. Problem Solved.

Man Law #10: Either "Die Hard" or "Terminator 2" should crack your Top 10 movies list. If "Bridget Jones' Diary" or "The Notebook" crack your top 10, go make yourself another Washington Apple and cry yourself to sleep you fucking pussy.

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