Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Different Types of Strip Club Patrons

This blog has exhaustively analyzed and re-analyzed the types of strippers in an effort to educate my readers as to how to have the best possible time, and get the most bang for your buck, but here is an analysis of the types of strip club patrons. You may fit the profile of one of the below and not even know it, so beware, and if you fit the profile of one of the below, I'll see you soon.

The Drunk Guys: these guys show up and are basically begging the strippers to take their money, and the strippers kindly oblige. Often part of a birthday or bachelor party, they draw a LOT of attention to themselves in a negative way, and are at high-risk to get booted.

The Loser: can't get none on his own so he turns to strippers- pretty simple not rocket science. see the moderator for example. Usually has a look of disinterest as he knows none of these women really give two shits about him, and because this is nothing new to him.

The Baller: dressed nice, this guy can get women on his own but chooses to frequent strip clubs because they're fucking awesome. He makes it rain, brings tons of girls to him without drawing negative attention to himself.

The Douchebags: they're not drunk, but they usually come in groups of 4 or so, act like fucking 10 year-old kids, and usually harass the girls to some degree. These fuckos should be castrated.

The Married Guy: His wife either doesn't put out anymore, rarely puts out, or he's just sick of the same woman all the time. Whatever his reason, he is obviously very secretive, you can spot these guys from a mile away for their combination of boyish excitement and nervousness for fear of getting caught. From convos I've had with strippers, they tend to latch onto one particular chick and kind of replace his wife with her. DUDE JUST GET A DIVORCE BRO! Let this also be a warning to you women to put out or your husband will be in sad company with me.

The Creepy Old Man: This guy is fucking awesome and my idol even though he always makes the rest of us look bad! Divorced, widowed, or never married, he absolutely makes it rain, when he comes in, the girls flock like crazy to him, and being retired he has plenty of time and money to shower these girls with. He also has no woman to worry about, so he relives his youth here. The drawback of course is that his crazy tipping makes everyone else look like a cheapskate, and he might hog girls' time, but I still idolize this man! GO GET SOME BRO!

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