My Message to Any Single Ladies Reading This

HIT ME UP Bitches! No you're not bitches but ya know what I mean. I'm always down to have a good time, and I'd sure like to show you a good time.

Things I'm Loving Right Now

- Porn. Lol @ "right now" but porn is so fucking awesome. It's pretty sad or pretty awesome depending on your POV but everything that I know about sex, I learned from porn and strippers. My folks never gave me "the talk", I slept through sex ed, and the rest is an unequivocal disaster.
- NFL Mock Drafts
- Scotch
- Funny Youtube videos
- My newest "soulmate"

Choose My Valentines Day Adventure

(1) Strip Club
(2) Cougar Bar
(3) "The Ashton Kutcher": Get drunk and text every single chick in my phone until one of them agrees to have sex with me.
(4) Buy Fake Engagement Ring ---> Go to bar, wait for hawt chick to approach break out the ring and start sobbing uncontrollably ---> when she asks what's up say "she said no" or "she cheated on me" or something like that.
(5) Take some 5 year old vicodin. Wash it down with some 25 year old scotch and drunkbook/blog the results.

Things That I Miss

- My Brother, Little Sister #2, and Eli
- Baseball
- All of my shows. End the Hiatus FFS
- Hawaii Theater already. Why did you have to close?!
- USC Trojan and Chiefs Football
- Birch Street

Interventions that the Moderator Needs

- Alcohol
- Pill Popping
- Strip Clubs
- Porn (yea every guy watches it, but I'm a little too addicted)
- Gambling and general degeneracy
- "Soulmates"
- Drunkbooking

Super Bowl Thoughts and Predictions

Went 6-4 in the Playoffs, although I didn't document my picks, but Ahron can vouch for me. Hats off to both teams for getting here, especially the Packers, who have had to beat the: Giants, Bears x 2, Falcons, and Eagles just to get here. This run has been amazing sparked by a defense that is unrelenting at putting pressure on the QB and forcing mistakes.

When Green Bay has the Ball:
- James Starks has given the Packers running game a revitalization that had been missing all season since the injury to Ryan Grant. That being said, nobody runs the ball on the Pittsburgh Steelers, so this game will have to be won through the air.

- The Patriots and Saints have shown that the way to beat this defense is to spread them out and rely on quick timing routes, sustaining long drives, as the presence of Troy Polamalu and their overall strategy is designed to take away the big play.

- Behind Aaron Rodgers and a dynamic receiving corp, the Packers have the ingredients to sustain a few long drives, although Rodgers has to be more precise than he was against the Bears.

When Pittsburgh has the Ball:
- The Packers are the ideal fantasy defense, they will give up some plays, but they are very very aggressive and rely on negative plays (sacks and turnovers) not only to stop the opposing offense, but to change the game in their team's favor. The pick 6 before halftime against the Falcons is a perfect example of this.

- Pittsburgh throws a balanced attack at you with grind it out back Rashard Mendenhall and two big weapons in Hines Ward and Mike Wallace who is one of the fastest players in the NFL. However, this is a terrible matchup for this offense, especially if Center Maurkice Pouncey is out. Packers NT BJ Raji has had a monster past couple of months, Clay Matthews is one of the biggest defensive playmakers in the NFL, and the Packers secondary anchored by Charles Woodson has the speed, discipline, and skill to shut down Wallace and Ward.

- The Steelers' O-Line has been one of the worst units in the league all year, and if Pouncey is out, expect Big Ben to get harrassed all day long, and the Packers defense to force a couple big turnovers.

The Pick: I think both defenses will control this game. Pittsburgh's defense under Dick LeBeau is always going to be one of the best in the game, and Green Bay's defense is a nightmare matchup for Big Ben and Co. I like the Packers to have a few sustained drives, and a couple big plays on defense pulling it out and returning Lombardi's trophy back to Title Town.

Packers 17 Steelers 14

Random Shit that I'm Loving Right Now

- Persian Chicks
- High Stakes Poker (Gabe Kaplan is a laugh a minute)
- "Southland" (tv series)
- Music that would get me lambasted for being a fag
- Cougars (porn obv.)
- Live Poker again
- Having the world's most fucked up sleep schedule. everyday is a new story and its nice not to fall into routine
- Sam Adams Variety Pack

The Reverse Playbook: THE KE$HA

Failure Rate: unknown
Turns Off: chicks who don't like KE$HA and chicks who just aren't into you
Requirements: being in Vegas and a lot of alcohol
Prep Time: however long it takes for you to get drunk
Upside: if she likes you, you're probably gonna get lucky

THE PLAY: Go to Vegas, drink a lot of alcohol, blackout, wake up the next morning to find out that you drunk texted "your love is my drug" to some chick that you want to bang. Announce this to your buddies. Have them laugh at you. Damage control.

Death Odds

You know you're a degenerate when you are pissed that you can't bet on/collect on what your cause of death is going to be. But for you other degens out there, here are the opening odds on my cause of death. PS: I am willing to be the "holder" for any bets wagered.

Heart Failure/Attack: 3/1
Alcohol Poisoning: 7/2
Accident: 5/1
Overdose of Ibuprofen: 10/1
Teh AIDS: 15/1
Homicide: 25/1
Old Age: infinity billion/1

The Death of the Moderator

would be him getting a girlfriend. No more strip club posts, no more talking about all the different chicks that I want to bang, no more or at least a great reduction of getting fucked up and not remembering shit the next morning. I'll just become another one of those pussy whipper saps out there who sacrifices his manhood, having a good time with the guys, and on occasion a big sporting event in the name of getting consistent sex. But at this point, I have to take the consistent sex if given the choice, so sorry all. But that doesn't mean you can't do whatever it takes to make sure that I never get a girl.

The End of an Era

Hawaii Theatre, my favorite and the greatest strip club of all time has closed forever. So many great memories there, but maybe this is a sign that part of my life is ending, and I'm finally meet a girl, and put strip clubs in my rear view mirror.