Saturday, October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween Everybody!
Just stayed up almost all night cramming for a saturday morning midterm, so I'm a little bit fucking delirious and bat shit crazy right now, but I'm as ready as I'll be, and excited for a long day of fun, drinking, and college football. Have an awesome day everybody, be super awesome, be safe, buy a couple pit bulls to keep those damn kids away, ohh don't forget that it's Daylight Savings tonight, so we "fall back" and get a much needed extra hour of sleep to recover, and most importantly: Get drunk and get laid!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Reader of the Year Contest w/ Prize
Alright time to have some fun here, and reward those of you who read this blog every single day, or at least as often as you possibly can. From now until December ummm lets say 15, we will have a contest, I will post contest questions at random whenever the fuck I feel like it, maybe once a day, maybe once a week, maybe once total, and whoever accumulates the most points from not until then, wins.
THE PRIZE: A special Christmas present from me (don't expect anything crazy expensive like a Rolex/spa treatment, hell it might not even be monetary, it might be something homemade, but whatever it is, I promise that it will be from the heart. Once the winner is determined, I will decide what the present is).
RULES:
- No cheating. No looking up past blog posts or wikipedia, or using anything other than your memory to obtain the answers. Honor system applies, but if I discover cheating, you will be banned from this, and any future blog contests. You are of course allowed to read past blog posts at any time, but cannot have them up while participating in the contest.
- You must be a subscriber to win. If you read this blog, but aren't a subscriber, take the goddamn 15 seconds to register, become a subscriber, and become eligible.
- You have 48 hours from the time of the time the post is made, to submit your answers.
- Your answers must be posted in the comments section of the given contest post.
- Once again, Don't cheat and read other people's answers in the comments section, hell they might be wrong, and if I see any signs of cheating, I reserve the right to insta disqualify you.
THE QUESTIONS (1 pt. each...future questions may be worth more points, important/recurring themes=more points)
(1) Who are the two hottest women on earth in this blogger's opinion?
(2) Who are the two most super awesome women on the planet in ths blogger's opinion? (questions 1 and 2 DEFINITELY have different answers)
(3) If I had 24 hours to live, where would I eat lunch?
(4) Where does the phrase (spelling) "teh ghey" come from?
(5) What did the sexy poker dealer in Vegas say to burn me?
(6) What song should have made my Ultimate CD list?
(7) What is Man Law #1?
(8) What is Women Law #1?
THE PRIZE: A special Christmas present from me (don't expect anything crazy expensive like a Rolex/spa treatment, hell it might not even be monetary, it might be something homemade, but whatever it is, I promise that it will be from the heart. Once the winner is determined, I will decide what the present is).
RULES:
- No cheating. No looking up past blog posts or wikipedia, or using anything other than your memory to obtain the answers. Honor system applies, but if I discover cheating, you will be banned from this, and any future blog contests. You are of course allowed to read past blog posts at any time, but cannot have them up while participating in the contest.
- You must be a subscriber to win. If you read this blog, but aren't a subscriber, take the goddamn 15 seconds to register, become a subscriber, and become eligible.
- You have 48 hours from the time of the time the post is made, to submit your answers.
- Your answers must be posted in the comments section of the given contest post.
- Once again, Don't cheat and read other people's answers in the comments section, hell they might be wrong, and if I see any signs of cheating, I reserve the right to insta disqualify you.
THE QUESTIONS (1 pt. each...future questions may be worth more points, important/recurring themes=more points)
(1) Who are the two hottest women on earth in this blogger's opinion?
(2) Who are the two most super awesome women on the planet in ths blogger's opinion? (questions 1 and 2 DEFINITELY have different answers)
(3) If I had 24 hours to live, where would I eat lunch?
(4) Where does the phrase (spelling) "teh ghey" come from?
(5) What did the sexy poker dealer in Vegas say to burn me?
(6) What song should have made my Ultimate CD list?
(7) What is Man Law #1?
(8) What is Women Law #1?
Some of the Women Failures of marc1313
There are certainly many more, but these are the ones that I can think of at the top of my head. Never told anybody some of these stories.
(1) Was parking my car at school, and just completely asianed it up and epic failed. Took like 3 tries to park it correctly, at which point I realized that the chick parked next to me was waiting for me to park to get out of her car. I gather my things, apologize to her, and she says it's okay, and we just kind of share a long lingering look, which my dumbass overinterpreted. When I get back to my car later that night, her car is still there, so I grab a pen and a piece of paper, and write some retarded bullshit, cross that out, and write some even worse retarded bullshit (something like "hey it's the guy who couldn't park. you're hot. call me sometime".)
(2) Palm Springs for Paul's birthday last year. If you were there, well let's just leave it at that. If you weren't there, let's just say that this may have been insane crazy drunk Marc's finest day. We all go to this bar that has a high proportion of cougars, who are just looking for any reasonably attractive young guy to take back to their room, and have a good time with. Somehow managed to strike out with 4 different cougs that night, although I did at least dance with one (maybe two).
(3) It was the 4th of July, we were on Brian's block, and everybody was just going drunk crazy, in addition to the fireworks and other 4th celebration shit. I was like 438894098 beers, vodkas, and tequilas deep, and saw some chick that I knew from work, but couldn't remember her name. I remember she was kind of cute, she comes up to me, says hey Marc, how are you doing, and I reply "Who the fuck are you?!" and then fall face down into the bushes. Don't remember anything after that, but saw her the next day at work, and zOMG that was pretty awkward and embarrassing.
(4) This one goes back to middle school/beginning of high school, and there were these two chicks that were sooooo into me it was ridiculous, but one of my fuckhead buddies had some kind of problem with her, so like a good friend, I of course had a problem with her as well. Anyways, flash forward to a few years ago, and I see these same two chicks while I'm driving, and both are like model hot. We talk at a few red lights, but I somehow fail to get their numbers. Note to self: Super hot hoes before bros before hoes.
(5) REPOST: Go to the on campus pizza place that has big screen tv's before class to catch a few innings of the Dodger game. Meet the perfect on paper girl for me. We talk just about nothing but Dodger baseball for the better part of an hour, and watch the game on her MLB gametracker since it wasn't on tv, and when I get up to leave I say: "Listen you're awesome, and I had a great time talking with you. Would you like to go out sometime?" Obviously not good, and she basically said no, and yea let's stop talking about that one.
(6) Repost of a repost of a mother fucking repost (Cliffs Notes): Became good friends with the only woman that I have ever been in love with. Despite the fact that we had absolutely nothing in common, her smile, her laugh, everything about her, the way that I felt every day when I saw her, and the way she made me feel about myself, are things that I will never forget. Anyways, I never told her how I felt, I ran into her recently, she is now married with a child, and now I have the rest of my life to regret not telling her how I felt about her. If you have somebody special in your life, never miss a chance to tell them that you love them. So, to all the readers of my blog, you are all like family to me, and I love you all from the bottom of my heart.
(1) Was parking my car at school, and just completely asianed it up and epic failed. Took like 3 tries to park it correctly, at which point I realized that the chick parked next to me was waiting for me to park to get out of her car. I gather my things, apologize to her, and she says it's okay, and we just kind of share a long lingering look, which my dumbass overinterpreted. When I get back to my car later that night, her car is still there, so I grab a pen and a piece of paper, and write some retarded bullshit, cross that out, and write some even worse retarded bullshit (something like "hey it's the guy who couldn't park. you're hot. call me sometime".)
(2) Palm Springs for Paul's birthday last year. If you were there, well let's just leave it at that. If you weren't there, let's just say that this may have been insane crazy drunk Marc's finest day. We all go to this bar that has a high proportion of cougars, who are just looking for any reasonably attractive young guy to take back to their room, and have a good time with. Somehow managed to strike out with 4 different cougs that night, although I did at least dance with one (maybe two).
(3) It was the 4th of July, we were on Brian's block, and everybody was just going drunk crazy, in addition to the fireworks and other 4th celebration shit. I was like 438894098 beers, vodkas, and tequilas deep, and saw some chick that I knew from work, but couldn't remember her name. I remember she was kind of cute, she comes up to me, says hey Marc, how are you doing, and I reply "Who the fuck are you?!" and then fall face down into the bushes. Don't remember anything after that, but saw her the next day at work, and zOMG that was pretty awkward and embarrassing.
(4) This one goes back to middle school/beginning of high school, and there were these two chicks that were sooooo into me it was ridiculous, but one of my fuckhead buddies had some kind of problem with her, so like a good friend, I of course had a problem with her as well. Anyways, flash forward to a few years ago, and I see these same two chicks while I'm driving, and both are like model hot. We talk at a few red lights, but I somehow fail to get their numbers. Note to self: Super hot hoes before bros before hoes.
(5) REPOST: Go to the on campus pizza place that has big screen tv's before class to catch a few innings of the Dodger game. Meet the perfect on paper girl for me. We talk just about nothing but Dodger baseball for the better part of an hour, and watch the game on her MLB gametracker since it wasn't on tv, and when I get up to leave I say: "Listen you're awesome, and I had a great time talking with you. Would you like to go out sometime?" Obviously not good, and she basically said no, and yea let's stop talking about that one.
(6) Repost of a repost of a mother fucking repost (Cliffs Notes): Became good friends with the only woman that I have ever been in love with. Despite the fact that we had absolutely nothing in common, her smile, her laugh, everything about her, the way that I felt every day when I saw her, and the way she made me feel about myself, are things that I will never forget. Anyways, I never told her how I felt, I ran into her recently, she is now married with a child, and now I have the rest of my life to regret not telling her how I felt about her. If you have somebody special in your life, never miss a chance to tell them that you love them. So, to all the readers of my blog, you are all like family to me, and I love you all from the bottom of my heart.
Life Laws
Just the top 3 for today, with many more to come.
(1) Women ALWAYS win! Guys, the sooner you accept this fact, the happier you will be. Just accept it, don't try to fight it, and spend the rest of your days, drinking beer, watching sports, and pretending to listen to what women have to say.
(2) Single, Engaged, Married, the status does not matter, Paul Michael Smith is teh Ghey! You have Heather, her family, and the rest of the free world fooled sir, but you certainly don't have me fooled! Actually I think Mrs. Owen might know, I know you are reading this, and you would win Parent of the Year points if you called Paul out on this, particularly at an opportune and hilarious time. Remember timing is everything, store this one away for the perfect time, and you will have the whole table/room on the floor laughing.
(3) Reading this blog every day, is 10X better than eating fucking leaves, exercising, and going to the gym combined. Laughter is the best medicine, and that is what I strive for every day, and trust me, writing this insane shit makes me laugh, and is probably adding 10 years onto the back end of my life. Ha Paul, now you have to live 11 more years if you want that $1,000.
(1) Women ALWAYS win! Guys, the sooner you accept this fact, the happier you will be. Just accept it, don't try to fight it, and spend the rest of your days, drinking beer, watching sports, and pretending to listen to what women have to say.
(2) Single, Engaged, Married, the status does not matter, Paul Michael Smith is teh Ghey! You have Heather, her family, and the rest of the free world fooled sir, but you certainly don't have me fooled! Actually I think Mrs. Owen might know, I know you are reading this, and you would win Parent of the Year points if you called Paul out on this, particularly at an opportune and hilarious time. Remember timing is everything, store this one away for the perfect time, and you will have the whole table/room on the floor laughing.
(3) Reading this blog every day, is 10X better than eating fucking leaves, exercising, and going to the gym combined. Laughter is the best medicine, and that is what I strive for every day, and trust me, writing this insane shit makes me laugh, and is probably adding 10 years onto the back end of my life. Ha Paul, now you have to live 11 more years if you want that $1,000.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
If You Had Your DeLorean?
and could go back in time to any 3 places/dates/time periods in history, what would they be and why? I don't think this shit up, really, it just comes to me. It's a gift, and a curse! Actually, I just heard a song that reminded me of Back to the Future, and of course my brain makes this leap, am I really still talking?
(1) Washington D.C., Los Angeles, California, New York, New York, and Dallas, Texas: August 1963-February 1964: Going to the World Series with my grandfather that I never met before he passed away, my grandmother that I hardly remember, The Million Man March, The I Have a Dream Speech, KOUFAX and Drysdale, Scully in his prime, sweeping Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, and Whitey Ford in the World Series, being in Dallas on November 22, and discovering the truth about the JFK assassination, and the beginning of Beatles mania, I mean do I really have to go on? So much great Dodger, baseball, and American history happened in this short time period, to make this an insta call.
(2) God I hate this one. I've changed it like 3 times already, ok so let's just stipulate that you can't change the world, maybe your circumstances, but not the world's. With that in mind, I'll go with 1776 for the signing of the Declaration of Independence, just to be there for the birth of this great nation.
(3) 2002 just to ask one person one question. It's really starting to upset me that so many of my posts end up at this same place, and I honestly had no intention or thought of this when I started the post, but when I started thinking about going back in time, this was where I ended up.
(1) Washington D.C., Los Angeles, California, New York, New York, and Dallas, Texas: August 1963-February 1964: Going to the World Series with my grandfather that I never met before he passed away, my grandmother that I hardly remember, The Million Man March, The I Have a Dream Speech, KOUFAX and Drysdale, Scully in his prime, sweeping Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, and Whitey Ford in the World Series, being in Dallas on November 22, and discovering the truth about the JFK assassination, and the beginning of Beatles mania, I mean do I really have to go on? So much great Dodger, baseball, and American history happened in this short time period, to make this an insta call.
(2) God I hate this one. I've changed it like 3 times already, ok so let's just stipulate that you can't change the world, maybe your circumstances, but not the world's. With that in mind, I'll go with 1776 for the signing of the Declaration of Independence, just to be there for the birth of this great nation.
(3) 2002 just to ask one person one question. It's really starting to upset me that so many of my posts end up at this same place, and I honestly had no intention or thought of this when I started the post, but when I started thinking about going back in time, this was where I ended up.
5 Reasons to Become a Clippers Fan
1. Because when they actually do win a championship, you can say that you were there from the beginning, which will feel 327789378 times better than hopping on the bandwagon. And hell, I've bled Dodger blue since I was 5 years old, so it's not like pain, misery, and suffering are new concepts to me. Adding the Chiefs, and having always kind of having Kings hockey on my list are definitely gonna make me hurt more, but hey maybe one magical year, all my teams will win championships, and I can just stick it in everyone's face that ever doubted my teams. Am I really still talking, somebody please shut me up, OMG I'm STILL talking.
2. Because what ever happened to the good old Lakers (Van Exel, Jones, Ceballos, Campbell, Divac). Yeah they couldn't beat the Jazz and Spurs, but at least they got along. Those were my Lakers and I was proud to root for them. Just can't root for any team that Shaq or Kobe is on after what BOTH of them did to tear that team apart.
3-5. If you actually read reasons 1 and 2, before looking at the pics below, then you are TEH GHEY! Umm really there's no reason to even read reasons 1 and 2, you shouldn't even be reading this, you should like seriously stop reading now, and be posting in the comments section "MORE PICS NOW DAMNIT!"
2. Because what ever happened to the good old Lakers (Van Exel, Jones, Ceballos, Campbell, Divac). Yeah they couldn't beat the Jazz and Spurs, but at least they got along. Those were my Lakers and I was proud to root for them. Just can't root for any team that Shaq or Kobe is on after what BOTH of them did to tear that team apart.
3-5. If you actually read reasons 1 and 2, before looking at the pics below, then you are TEH GHEY! Umm really there's no reason to even read reasons 1 and 2, you shouldn't even be reading this, you should like seriously stop reading now, and be posting in the comments section "MORE PICS NOW DAMNIT!"
Is it Teh Ghey
that all I want to do right now is dance? It really doesn't matter if we're listening to some soul music, hip hop, country, slow mushy gushy music, fuck I don't even need music at all, I just want to dance. I'm fucking awful at it, and look like a complete jackass while doing it, but I don't care, it's just so much fun. In fact, I'm adding that to my dream woman list. She doesn't have to be good at it, but she's just got to love to dance (so we can make fools of ourselves together), and have her own pair of "dancing shoes", i.e. soft comfortable shoes that she can dance in all night long.
Cliff Lee
is not a real human being. Didn't get a chance to watch the game tonight, but fyi here's his line for his 4 postseason starts.
Game 1: 9IP, 1ER
Game 2: 7.1 IP, 2ER
Game 3: 8IP, 0 ER, 0BB
Game 4: 9IP, 0 ER, 0 BB
Once again, I said it at the trading deadline, and I'll say it again, vwp and gfy Mark Shapiro for giving this guy away, along with a quality bat in Ben Francisco, without making Philly give up any of their stud prospects in return: Drabek, Brown, Taylor, or Happ.
Game 1: 9IP, 1ER
Game 2: 7.1 IP, 2ER
Game 3: 8IP, 0 ER, 0BB
Game 4: 9IP, 0 ER, 0 BB
Once again, I said it at the trading deadline, and I'll say it again, vwp and gfy Mark Shapiro for giving this guy away, along with a quality bat in Ben Francisco, without making Philly give up any of their stud prospects in return: Drabek, Brown, Taylor, or Happ.
Woman Of the Day: Natalie Teeger
Monk's assistant on the tv show "Monk", and probably by series' end in 2 months, his love interest/wife
- Because she is the most loyal and caring person in television history
- Because she is SF Hawt. What a MILF!
- Because she can hold her own in a fight. Has kicked plenty of guys' asses in the show
- Because she is witty and has outsmarted Monk on several occasions
- Because this is exactly the kind of girl you would want to take home to Mom, and damnit Monk if you can't see how great this woman is, then you truly are lost.
- Because I had to give some love to the greatest show on television right now. Just the perfect mixture of comedy and drama, with great characters that you can't help but fall in love, the acting is amazing (Tony Shalhoub should win an Oscar every year), and the stories are great. Seriously if you've never seen an episode, just watch one episode and you will be hooked for life. The show is in it's 8th and final season, wrapping up in December, on a day where I most certainly will shed a couple tears.
Happy Birthday Hillary!!!!
Woman! You are super awesome, thank you for being a great friend all these years, and I hope that you have a super awesome day!!!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
NFL Week 8 Preview
Week 8 Predictions: winners in bold (8-4 last week, 48-22 for the season)
Broncos @ Ravens
Texans @ Bills
Browns @ Bengals
Seahawks @ Cowboys
Rams @ Lions
49ers @ Colts
Giants @ Eagles
Dolphins @ Jets
Raiders @ Chargers
Jaguars @ Titans
Panthers @ Cardinals
Vikings @ Packers
Falcons @ Saints
Broncos @ Ravens
Texans @ Bills
Browns @ Bengals
Seahawks @ Cowboys
Rams @ Lions
49ers @ Colts
Giants @ Eagles
Dolphins @ Jets
Raiders @ Chargers
Jaguars @ Titans
Panthers @ Cardinals
Vikings @ Packers
Falcons @ Saints
I Highly Doubt
that in the history of time, and in all galaxies, there has never been anything more bad ass than the Imperial Starfleet.
Ranking the Star Wars Episodes
WARNING *SPOILERS* In case you're one of the 5 English speaking people in this country who haven't seen Star Wars.
#6- Episode I. Not good. Jar Jar Binks was the worst character in movie history, and just an epic letdown.
#5- Episode II. Not as bad as Episode I, but still not very memorable. The dialogue between Anakin and Padme was awful (man Lucas is as bad at writing romantic scenes as I am in real life).
#4 Episode III. Didn't really dig the first half of the movie, but the second half was amazing. The dual fights lightsaber battles between Anakin and Obiwan and Yoda and the Emperor were great, and the last 5 minutes were epic (one of the best movie going experinces of my life...midnight showing obviously).
#3 Episode VI. Perfect ending to the original trilogy, great scenes at the end. I am definitely pro-Ewok fwiw, but the movie was kind of slow at parts, I hated the Jabba the Hut scenes, although Princess Leia in the gold bikini is definitely SUPER HOT!
#2 Episode V. Would be number 1, except I did not like the Battle of Hoth. Still some amazing scenes, great effects, the Millenium Falcon chase has to be one of the coolest movie scenes ever filmed, and we are introduced to the greatness that is Yoda, as well as Boba Fett.
#1 Episode IV. Because it's the one that started it all. Because the original Death Star was so much sicker than the second one. Because Han and Leia are so great together. Because Han Solo coming back is just so fucking awesome. Because it had to be amazing watching the original when nobody really knew what was going on. Well done Mr. Lucas, so refreshing and original. Finally, because the first time you saw the opening crawl, and heard the Darth Vader intro. song has to be up there with the first time you heard the Beatles.
#6- Episode I. Not good. Jar Jar Binks was the worst character in movie history, and just an epic letdown.
#5- Episode II. Not as bad as Episode I, but still not very memorable. The dialogue between Anakin and Padme was awful (man Lucas is as bad at writing romantic scenes as I am in real life).
#4 Episode III. Didn't really dig the first half of the movie, but the second half was amazing. The dual fights lightsaber battles between Anakin and Obiwan and Yoda and the Emperor were great, and the last 5 minutes were epic (one of the best movie going experinces of my life...midnight showing obviously).
#3 Episode VI. Perfect ending to the original trilogy, great scenes at the end. I am definitely pro-Ewok fwiw, but the movie was kind of slow at parts, I hated the Jabba the Hut scenes, although Princess Leia in the gold bikini is definitely SUPER HOT!
#2 Episode V. Would be number 1, except I did not like the Battle of Hoth. Still some amazing scenes, great effects, the Millenium Falcon chase has to be one of the coolest movie scenes ever filmed, and we are introduced to the greatness that is Yoda, as well as Boba Fett.
#1 Episode IV. Because it's the one that started it all. Because the original Death Star was so much sicker than the second one. Because Han and Leia are so great together. Because Han Solo coming back is just so fucking awesome. Because it had to be amazing watching the original when nobody really knew what was going on. Well done Mr. Lucas, so refreshing and original. Finally, because the first time you saw the opening crawl, and heard the Darth Vader intro. song has to be up there with the first time you heard the Beatles.
Monday, October 26, 2009
In Honor of Halloween
5 Scary Movies that Didn't Suck
#5- The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Because this movie absolutely scared the crap out of me, and every other person that I saw it with. If I remember right, the movie wasn't half bad critically speaking, and the ending was pretty good, but my God this movie absolutely disturbed me. 1,2,3,4,5,6!
#4- Halloween The Original. Because who doesn't think of this holiday, and not think of Michael Myers. Because no horror movie list would be complete without at least one Jamie Lee Curtis movie.
#3- The Ring. Original, terrifying, plenty of major Ohh Shit scenes, and Naomi Watts is amazingly beautiful and talented as always.
#2- SCREAM. The movie that revitalized the horror movie genre, because it was a horror movie, but at the same time made fun of horror movies and all of its cliches. The cast and dialogue were hip and fresh, and is one of the few scary movies that is good outside of the death and sex scenes. Courtney Cox was and still is smoking hot, and I had the biggest crush on Neve Campbell when this movie came out (there's two more brunettes for you Woman!) Ohh and the death scenes are all fucking great too, the opening scene is THE BEST opening scene to a horror movie ever.
#1- Friday the 13th The Original. Kevin Bacon's first movie. The death scenes were amazing, the music is captivating, the chicks are smoking hot, but most importantly because Mrs. Voorhies was the best horror movie killer. She wasn't some inhuman indestructable force that all the other slasher films featured, but just one really pissed off mom. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and this tiny lady was terrifying and terrific in her role.
#5- The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Because this movie absolutely scared the crap out of me, and every other person that I saw it with. If I remember right, the movie wasn't half bad critically speaking, and the ending was pretty good, but my God this movie absolutely disturbed me. 1,2,3,4,5,6!
#4- Halloween The Original. Because who doesn't think of this holiday, and not think of Michael Myers. Because no horror movie list would be complete without at least one Jamie Lee Curtis movie.
#3- The Ring. Original, terrifying, plenty of major Ohh Shit scenes, and Naomi Watts is amazingly beautiful and talented as always.
#2- SCREAM. The movie that revitalized the horror movie genre, because it was a horror movie, but at the same time made fun of horror movies and all of its cliches. The cast and dialogue were hip and fresh, and is one of the few scary movies that is good outside of the death and sex scenes. Courtney Cox was and still is smoking hot, and I had the biggest crush on Neve Campbell when this movie came out (there's two more brunettes for you Woman!) Ohh and the death scenes are all fucking great too, the opening scene is THE BEST opening scene to a horror movie ever.
#1- Friday the 13th The Original. Kevin Bacon's first movie. The death scenes were amazing, the music is captivating, the chicks are smoking hot, but most importantly because Mrs. Voorhies was the best horror movie killer. She wasn't some inhuman indestructable force that all the other slasher films featured, but just one really pissed off mom. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and this tiny lady was terrifying and terrific in her role.
Two Movie Reviews: Minor Spoilers but nothing the Trailers Don't Give Away
Law Abiding Citizen: Gerard Butler plays an ex-spy turned family man whose wife and child are murdered by two psychopaths. Jamie Foxx plays the DA who makes a deal with one of the perpetrators giving him a slap on the wrist in exchange for the death penalty for the other. Butler's character does not take this well to say the least, and 10 years later goes a little crazy to say the least. Foxx's character must try and stop him. The plot gets more and more implausible by the minute, the movie really should have developed Butler's relationship with his wife and child a little bit more (I hated the cold opening), and some of the scenes are kind of choppy, but some of the death scenes are just ridiculously awesome, so on that alone it goes up to a B-. Wouldn't see again, but worth a viewing.
Paranormal Activity: Actually saw this one at home last night (someone in OT found a link to a very clean and solid copy of the movie), alone, at night, with all the lights off. I'm not a big fan of scary movies, but I just had to see what all the hype was about. I must say that most of the movie was just the two main characters discussing what was going on, but all the "night" scenes were fantastically done. The suspense is absolutely amazing, and there are 3 scenes in particular that are just: OMFG WTF did I just see?
There are actually 3 different endings, and the theatre version is by far the best one, and just beyond scared the fucking hell out of me when I watched it. I am almost 0% sure that I would have made it through the movie if I watched it in the theatre, but at home it was manageable. If anybody wants the link just let me know, and I'll send it to you, but overall it wasn't quite as scary as I expected, but it was very well done, especially on the $11,000 budget that they had. The filmmaker was able to invoke real fear, real terror into the viewer without using CGI, blood, guts, gore, or any of those other Hollywood tricks. Fantastic work: B+ overall, for that Budget: A.
Paranormal Activity: Actually saw this one at home last night (someone in OT found a link to a very clean and solid copy of the movie), alone, at night, with all the lights off. I'm not a big fan of scary movies, but I just had to see what all the hype was about. I must say that most of the movie was just the two main characters discussing what was going on, but all the "night" scenes were fantastically done. The suspense is absolutely amazing, and there are 3 scenes in particular that are just: OMFG WTF did I just see?
There are actually 3 different endings, and the theatre version is by far the best one, and just beyond scared the fucking hell out of me when I watched it. I am almost 0% sure that I would have made it through the movie if I watched it in the theatre, but at home it was manageable. If anybody wants the link just let me know, and I'll send it to you, but overall it wasn't quite as scary as I expected, but it was very well done, especially on the $11,000 budget that they had. The filmmaker was able to invoke real fear, real terror into the viewer without using CGI, blood, guts, gore, or any of those other Hollywood tricks. Fantastic work: B+ overall, for that Budget: A.
Woman Law #16
Crush all male souls by asking unanswerable questions.
Example:
Female: Rank chicks: A,B,C,D, and E in order from hottest to least hot.
Male: No no NO way, this cannot possibly end well for me. No matter what I say you're going to get mad at me, and ask me why I ranked one ahead of the other.
Female: Come on just give me your answer.
Male: No!
Female: Come on come come on, I'm not going to stop bothering me until you give me your answer.
Male: ARGHHHHH Fine: B,C,E,A,D
Female: Wait why is D last? What's wrong with D? And what's wrong with A while we're at it?
Male: There's nothing wrong with A and D, but the other three chicks are just hotter?
Female: If there's nothing wrong with them, why'd you rank them last?
Male: (facepalm)
This is just a made up random example of situations that really do happen all the freakin time, during which females ask guys questions that have no "right answer", I guess they're just trying to pick our brains, or find a reason to give us a hard time, I don't know why they do it, but it happens, and it is:
(a) total bullshit
(b) speaks to how powerless men can be against women sometimes. a woman would never get herself entangled in such a predicament while conversing with a guy, but we continuously fall into the same traps over and over again. sad really. Women 1 Men 0.
Example:
Female: Rank chicks: A,B,C,D, and E in order from hottest to least hot.
Male: No no NO way, this cannot possibly end well for me. No matter what I say you're going to get mad at me, and ask me why I ranked one ahead of the other.
Female: Come on just give me your answer.
Male: No!
Female: Come on come come on, I'm not going to stop bothering me until you give me your answer.
Male: ARGHHHHH Fine: B,C,E,A,D
Female: Wait why is D last? What's wrong with D? And what's wrong with A while we're at it?
Male: There's nothing wrong with A and D, but the other three chicks are just hotter?
Female: If there's nothing wrong with them, why'd you rank them last?
Male: (facepalm)
This is just a made up random example of situations that really do happen all the freakin time, during which females ask guys questions that have no "right answer", I guess they're just trying to pick our brains, or find a reason to give us a hard time, I don't know why they do it, but it happens, and it is:
(a) total bullshit
(b) speaks to how powerless men can be against women sometimes. a woman would never get herself entangled in such a predicament while conversing with a guy, but we continuously fall into the same traps over and over again. sad really. Women 1 Men 0.
Women Laws
Alright, time to test how well I understand the psyche of the female gender based on my experiences and discussions with them. Yes they are going to be incredibly misogynistic and stereotypical, but so are the Man Laws (we really are a bunch of meat eating, sports and sex obsessed pigs), so please take no offense, I am an equal opportunity (Holy Shit the hottest chick in the world just walked by me, like holy shit she is OMFG hot, sorry back to my point), umm the moderator picks on each gender and its tendencies equally.
(1) Be a good gossip. That "bitch"/"asshole" is surely talking shit about you behind your back, so you must do the same to her/him.
(2a) HATE with all your heart and soul every asshole that your girlfriends ever dated, as well as every asshole that was friends with him.
(2b) HATE with all your heart and soul every bitch that ever dated your current significant other.
(3) Breaking a nail is a matter of national security. Hold the fucking phones, make everybody around you drop everything that they are doing to resolve this problem immediately.
(4) Treat your significant other's guy friends with love and respect. I may give them a hard time, but I have to say that every girlfriend of my buddies has always treated me with respect, and been cool to me.
(5) Weighing over 75 lbs. is just flat out unacceptable, and if you're not a negative size 10, you are a freakin cow, and need to lose some weight immediately.
(6) Your favorite food can only be a salad. You must consume them at least once a day, but preferably twice a day, with an apple, or some other sort of fruit serving as your breakfast. Let the guys eat meat, and anything else that tastes good, but being at least 30 lbs. underweight takes precedent over everything else food related.
(7) Love chocolate (but only in small doses), frozen yogurt, and those fruity drinks that they serve at Starbucks.
(8) When packing for vacations, or even just a weekend getaway, you must pack enough clothes, accessories, and all that other "girl shit" for at least 3 times the amount of days than you are actually going to be gone for, i.e. if you're going on a 2 night getaway, you must pack enough stuff for a week.
(9) When going out dancing, make sure to wear the most uncomfortable shoes that you own. I mean you're only going to be walking and moving around all night, so it makes absolutely no sense to wear comfortable foot apparel.
(10) At least 75% of your "favorite movies" must be Nora Ephron movies.
(11) Find me to be unattractive, absolutely despise my dress style, and especially my beloved Hush Puppies.
(12) It must always take you at least 3 hours to "get ready" before going out somewhere. I mean, getting your hair done, nails done, and doing all that other I don't know what the fuck it is that you women do that takes you so long, and to be honest I wouldn't notice a damn difference if it took you 5 minutes to get ready, but apparently some guys *cough homos* do, so worrying about all these unneccessary bullshit details is mandatory for the fairer sex.
(13) Be tight and loyal with all your girlfriends, and always have their backs in a fight with any of the guys. This should be Man Law #19 as well, just change the genders.
(14a) If you don't know anything about sports, pick the most popular team around, and "root" for them, just so that you can try and fit in with everybody else. Really this pertains to guys as well, and the girls who do this are kind of annoying, but the guys who do this are super fucking douchewad tools and fuckheads.
(14b) If you are a casual sports fan, educate yourself somewhat about sports, but don't know "too much" because you don't want everybody thinking that you're a dyke.
(14c) If you're a sports fanatic: well then you're just super awesome *high five + fist bump* and I and all other heterosexual males will sit down and talk to you anyday.
(15) Always concern yourself with what other people think about you, and what people will think about the action/decision you are about to make.
If you read this far without getting insane crazy pissed the fuck off, and planning how you were going to beat the ever living shit out of me, then bravo *double fist bump* you have a good sense of humor, are super awesome, and can actually recognize how ridiculous both genders can be sometimes. Scroll down to my earlier in the month posts to read the Man Laws.
(1) Be a good gossip. That "bitch"/"asshole" is surely talking shit about you behind your back, so you must do the same to her/him.
(2a) HATE with all your heart and soul every asshole that your girlfriends ever dated, as well as every asshole that was friends with him.
(2b) HATE with all your heart and soul every bitch that ever dated your current significant other.
(3) Breaking a nail is a matter of national security. Hold the fucking phones, make everybody around you drop everything that they are doing to resolve this problem immediately.
(4) Treat your significant other's guy friends with love and respect. I may give them a hard time, but I have to say that every girlfriend of my buddies has always treated me with respect, and been cool to me.
(5) Weighing over 75 lbs. is just flat out unacceptable, and if you're not a negative size 10, you are a freakin cow, and need to lose some weight immediately.
(6) Your favorite food can only be a salad. You must consume them at least once a day, but preferably twice a day, with an apple, or some other sort of fruit serving as your breakfast. Let the guys eat meat, and anything else that tastes good, but being at least 30 lbs. underweight takes precedent over everything else food related.
(7) Love chocolate (but only in small doses), frozen yogurt, and those fruity drinks that they serve at Starbucks.
(8) When packing for vacations, or even just a weekend getaway, you must pack enough clothes, accessories, and all that other "girl shit" for at least 3 times the amount of days than you are actually going to be gone for, i.e. if you're going on a 2 night getaway, you must pack enough stuff for a week.
(9) When going out dancing, make sure to wear the most uncomfortable shoes that you own. I mean you're only going to be walking and moving around all night, so it makes absolutely no sense to wear comfortable foot apparel.
(10) At least 75% of your "favorite movies" must be Nora Ephron movies.
(11) Find me to be unattractive, absolutely despise my dress style, and especially my beloved Hush Puppies.
(12) It must always take you at least 3 hours to "get ready" before going out somewhere. I mean, getting your hair done, nails done, and doing all that other I don't know what the fuck it is that you women do that takes you so long, and to be honest I wouldn't notice a damn difference if it took you 5 minutes to get ready, but apparently some guys *cough homos* do, so worrying about all these unneccessary bullshit details is mandatory for the fairer sex.
(13) Be tight and loyal with all your girlfriends, and always have their backs in a fight with any of the guys. This should be Man Law #19 as well, just change the genders.
(14a) If you don't know anything about sports, pick the most popular team around, and "root" for them, just so that you can try and fit in with everybody else. Really this pertains to guys as well, and the girls who do this are kind of annoying, but the guys who do this are super fucking douchewad tools and fuckheads.
(14b) If you are a casual sports fan, educate yourself somewhat about sports, but don't know "too much" because you don't want everybody thinking that you're a dyke.
(14c) If you're a sports fanatic: well then you're just super awesome *high five + fist bump* and I and all other heterosexual males will sit down and talk to you anyday.
(15) Always concern yourself with what other people think about you, and what people will think about the action/decision you are about to make.
If you read this far without getting insane crazy pissed the fuck off, and planning how you were going to beat the ever living shit out of me, then bravo *double fist bump* you have a good sense of humor, are super awesome, and can actually recognize how ridiculous both genders can be sometimes. Scroll down to my earlier in the month posts to read the Man Laws.
Man Law #18
Treat all women with love and respect. While they might be a little crazy at times, and we can never understand them and why they do the things that they do, they're still great, and we are lost and helpless without them. You are NEVER allowed to hit a woman out of anger, unless you want to get a visit from an insane crazy 3 iron wielding Asian. You are also NEVER allowed to cheat on your significant other, and if you do. God I hate those fuckheads who fuck shit up for the rest of us. For all the grief that I give my female friends, and for all the misogynistic posts here, umm like see the post directly below this one, the one thing that I just do NOT tolerate EVER is violence against women, and guys who cheat on their girls. Just makes me sick to my stomach, pisses me the fuck off, and makes me want to beat the shit out of some fools.
Man Law #17: Threesomes
(a) A devil's threesome (two guys) is just flat out unacceptable under any and all circumstances, I don't care how hot the chick is.
(b) Normal Threesomes (two chicks)
(1) Single Guys: As long as the combined ratings of the two chicks is a 10 or above,i.e. two 5's, a 9 and a 1, etc. etc. you are NEVER allowed to turn down a threesome, it is the Holy Grail for all guys, and an accomplishment and an honor that you get to take with you, and hold over all of your friends for the rest of your life. Hell, I'd probably drop my number down to a 7 or an 8, to achieve this feat, but 10 is the standard cutoff line.
(2) Guys in a Relationship: If you come home to see your girl with another chick, don't get
mad like a fucking douche, but be fucking elated, and join in on the fun. While it is unwise, and actually a semi-violation of Man Law #18 to suggest a threesome, if your girl suggests it, you are NOT allowed to turn it down, regardless of how ugly the chick is. If it turns out that your girl is a lesbian (see the Ross Gellar Theorem), then there really isn't anything you can do about it, so you might as well have some fun while you're at it.
(b) Normal Threesomes (two chicks)
(1) Single Guys: As long as the combined ratings of the two chicks is a 10 or above,i.e. two 5's, a 9 and a 1, etc. etc. you are NEVER allowed to turn down a threesome, it is the Holy Grail for all guys, and an accomplishment and an honor that you get to take with you, and hold over all of your friends for the rest of your life. Hell, I'd probably drop my number down to a 7 or an 8, to achieve this feat, but 10 is the standard cutoff line.
(2) Guys in a Relationship: If you come home to see your girl with another chick, don't get
mad like a fucking douche, but be fucking elated, and join in on the fun. While it is unwise, and actually a semi-violation of Man Law #18 to suggest a threesome, if your girl suggests it, you are NOT allowed to turn it down, regardless of how ugly the chick is. If it turns out that your girl is a lesbian (see the Ross Gellar Theorem), then there really isn't anything you can do about it, so you might as well have some fun while you're at it.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Here's an Idea
In the Olympics, they always have a 3rd place game for the bronze medal, so how about Frank McCourt and Arte Moreno get together and have a 7 game series for right to be I don't want to say the 3rd place team, but let's call it the West Coast Championship. The two teams split the season series 3-3, so it should be a competitive series, every game would sell out for sure bringing the owners more money, we will get to see more baseball, and finally settle once and for all who the best L.A. team is!
As for the players, well they fucking owe it to us. The Dodgers and Angels are 2 of the top 3 teams in ticket sales season after season, we support our teams, and deserve this freeway series. They also owe it to us because:
Dodgers- didn't show up to games 3 and 5, had a general lethargic attitude the whole series, the batters consistently had terrible at-bats and couldn't come through in the clutch, and our pitchers couldn't throw the fucking baseball over home plate.
Angels- for their horrendous baserunning blunders and sloppy defense (generally a staple of Angels teams) that ultimately did them in and cost them the series. Feel free to rant further Angels fans about your team's performance, we all know how pissed I still am and will continue to be all offseason about the Dodgers'.
As for the players, well they fucking owe it to us. The Dodgers and Angels are 2 of the top 3 teams in ticket sales season after season, we support our teams, and deserve this freeway series. They also owe it to us because:
Dodgers- didn't show up to games 3 and 5, had a general lethargic attitude the whole series, the batters consistently had terrible at-bats and couldn't come through in the clutch, and our pitchers couldn't throw the fucking baseball over home plate.
Angels- for their horrendous baserunning blunders and sloppy defense (generally a staple of Angels teams) that ultimately did them in and cost them the series. Feel free to rant further Angels fans about your team's performance, we all know how pissed I still am and will continue to be all offseason about the Dodgers'.
NFL Sunday in Review
- The Saints and Drew Brees are absolutely unreal. Drew Brees struggled early, but struck with a vengeance in the 2nd half, and their defense continues to be a big impact for them, forcing 3 more turnovers, one of them for a touchdown. At this point, I really can't see how anybody in either conference is going to beat them.
- Well except maybe the Colts. Peyton Manning is well Peyton Manning, 235 for 3 TD's/0 INT's and it could have been a lot worse for the helpless Rams
- Minnesota-Pittsburgh was a great freakin football game. The Vikes showed some toughness today going toe to toe with the hard hitting Steelers, and Adrian Peterson's hit on William Gay was one of the sickest plays of the year. To anybody who considered benching AP, shame on you and I really hope that you lost this week.
- The NFC East just saw a major shakeup, as Dallas got a big win against the Falcons, and seemed to have found their replacement for TO in Miles Austin, and they really need him because Roy Williams and Patrick Crayton are flat out horrendous. The Giants on the other hand, suffered a second straight loss, as their offense struggled against Arizona's relentless blitzing schemes. It felt like watching Remember the Titans watching the Cards blitz every single play and harrassing the Giants' backfield. Play of the day #2 to Kevin Boss for holding onto a pass after taking a vicious helmet to helmet hit from a Cards' safety. This is still the Giants' division to lose, but today's action makes it a great 3 team race again.
- LOL JaMarcus Russell. 3 more turnovers in the first half before getting benched. How in God's green earth have the Raiders won 2 games with the bust of all busts at quarterback?
- I still can't believe it, but the Cincinnati Bengals are the real deal. Cedric Benson and Carson Palmer are playing out of their minds right now, but it's their defense that has been the real difference maker so far this season.
- The Bucs and Rams just keep getting worse and worse every week, if that's even possible.
- Well except maybe the Colts. Peyton Manning is well Peyton Manning, 235 for 3 TD's/0 INT's and it could have been a lot worse for the helpless Rams
- Minnesota-Pittsburgh was a great freakin football game. The Vikes showed some toughness today going toe to toe with the hard hitting Steelers, and Adrian Peterson's hit on William Gay was one of the sickest plays of the year. To anybody who considered benching AP, shame on you and I really hope that you lost this week.
- The NFC East just saw a major shakeup, as Dallas got a big win against the Falcons, and seemed to have found their replacement for TO in Miles Austin, and they really need him because Roy Williams and Patrick Crayton are flat out horrendous. The Giants on the other hand, suffered a second straight loss, as their offense struggled against Arizona's relentless blitzing schemes. It felt like watching Remember the Titans watching the Cards blitz every single play and harrassing the Giants' backfield. Play of the day #2 to Kevin Boss for holding onto a pass after taking a vicious helmet to helmet hit from a Cards' safety. This is still the Giants' division to lose, but today's action makes it a great 3 team race again.
- LOL JaMarcus Russell. 3 more turnovers in the first half before getting benched. How in God's green earth have the Raiders won 2 games with the bust of all busts at quarterback?
- I still can't believe it, but the Cincinnati Bengals are the real deal. Cedric Benson and Carson Palmer are playing out of their minds right now, but it's their defense that has been the real difference maker so far this season.
- The Bucs and Rams just keep getting worse and worse every week, if that's even possible.
Sigh and the Hits Just Keep On Coming
San Diego Chargers 37
Kansas City Chiefs 7
Just a horrid football game to watch marked by poor passes, dropped passes, a complete lack of a running game, zero pass rush, horrible run defense, and even worse pass defense. In other words, just more of the same. The Chiefs just flat out did not show up today, but now we get a bye week to get better, work on our many weak areas, and prepare for winnable games against the Jaguars and Raiders. A couple bright spots are the emergence of Tamba Hali as a very good pass rusher and play maker on defense, as well as Jamaal Charles. Everytime he gets the ball, a big play is a possibility, and he is BY FAR a better back than Larry Johnson, and everybody except Todd Haley can see that.
Kansas City Chiefs 7
Just a horrid football game to watch marked by poor passes, dropped passes, a complete lack of a running game, zero pass rush, horrible run defense, and even worse pass defense. In other words, just more of the same. The Chiefs just flat out did not show up today, but now we get a bye week to get better, work on our many weak areas, and prepare for winnable games against the Jaguars and Raiders. A couple bright spots are the emergence of Tamba Hali as a very good pass rusher and play maker on defense, as well as Jamaal Charles. Everytime he gets the ball, a big play is a possibility, and he is BY FAR a better back than Larry Johnson, and everybody except Todd Haley can see that.
Feelin Kinda Sunday
and out of this world stoked for:
(1) Chiefs-Chargers. Another winnable game, as the Chargers are reeling, and we have to be confident after the past two games. GO CHIEFS!!!
(2) 6-0 PuntingIsWinning vs. 6-0 THE GOAT. May the better man win brother.
(3) The Sunday Night Baseball and Football Games should be pretty damn good.
Ohh, and since I forgot, here are my last minute picks, just the winners, no time for anything else.
Patriots
Colts
Steelers
Chiefs
Texans
Packers
J-E-T-S
Panthers
Saints
Cowboys
Bears
Giants
Eagles
(1) Chiefs-Chargers. Another winnable game, as the Chargers are reeling, and we have to be confident after the past two games. GO CHIEFS!!!
(2) 6-0 PuntingIsWinning vs. 6-0 THE GOAT. May the better man win brother.
(3) The Sunday Night Baseball and Football Games should be pretty damn good.
Ohh, and since I forgot, here are my last minute picks, just the winners, no time for anything else.
Patriots
Colts
Steelers
Chiefs
Texans
Packers
J-E-T-S
Panthers
Saints
Cowboys
Bears
Giants
Eagles
On Second Thought
I think it might be a good idea NOT to tell Heather what to do at this junction, and just let her and the moms roll with whatever they want to do. Yea ok if you guys want to have an October wedding, serve liver and onions, have NO bachelor party, and make all the guys dress up in pink bunny costumes while jamming to the Macarena, well then you do that, but I'm....well going to stand quietly in the corner and do whatever you tell me to do, because angry women scare me more than 250lb. linebackers, killer clowns, and uber gheys all rolled into one.
Wedding Tips From a Guy's Perspective
Well Paul congratulations, you have just made the last relevant decision of your life, because Heather, and the two moms are now in control of anything and everything relating to the next (whatever the time period is between now and the wedding). While I acknowledge the super powers of you women, and would never try and tell you what to do, since I actually do want to live to see another day, I will simply provide you ladies with some helpful "tips" that I am going to suggest. My opinions are reflective of all HETEROSEXUAL males attending the wedding, but opinions which only a single guy can suggest because any man in a relationship saying this shit is sure to get his ass kicked/handed to him.
(1) Please Please Please Please X 1048381889309849899 X 8940377854805389 do not have an October wedding. Paul and I have discussed his Air Force situation at length, and he is going to do his part to make sure that it doesn't happen, because October is a month for (1) Playoff Baseball (2) College Football kicking in to prime gear (3) The NFL kicking into full gear (4) NO Weddings or any other female mushy gushy shit
(2) When making the final cuts on the guest list, give top priority to, in the following order (1) super hot single chicks (2) non ugly single chicks who umm how to put this lightly have "questionable moral standards" (DEAD LAST) Little kids, because they are so MF annoying and never ever stop talking.
(3) Music: A slick mix of hip hop, classic rock, modern rock, classical music, and country. When it comes to your actual wedding song, I highly recommend Pachelbel canon in D Major which is probably the most amazing/romantic piece of music ever written.
(4) Food: Alright this can be a tricky situation, and from what I've heard so far, it actually may be. Well in my honest opinion, I think that Hoer Dourves are a must (shrimp, scallops, different cheeses and meats, cheese and crackers, are all phenomenal options), but the question of how to approach it from there is a major problem, as different people have different tastes. My personal opinion, which the vegans females and super homos will hate me for, is to offer a choice of some sort of chicken, or some sort of steak, but when it comes to food, it is tough to go wrong.
(5) Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties: Allow the groom to be, and the best man a LOT of latitude in what they are allowed to do, but the female party should be limited to sipping on cosmopolitans, mudslides, and gossipping about the guys. Please please please Ashley do not take Heather out to any place where there might be other guys, because that is flat out unacceptable in this blogger's opinion. Also, and this has epic epic failure potential, we MUST MUST MUST NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT have the two parties in the same location on the same weekend, because ONLY and I mean ONLY bad fucking shit can result from that. Paul for even thinking that idea, you receive Senor Ra Tard of the week honors.
(1) Please Please Please Please X 1048381889309849899 X 8940377854805389 do not have an October wedding. Paul and I have discussed his Air Force situation at length, and he is going to do his part to make sure that it doesn't happen, because October is a month for (1) Playoff Baseball (2) College Football kicking in to prime gear (3) The NFL kicking into full gear (4) NO Weddings or any other female mushy gushy shit
(2) When making the final cuts on the guest list, give top priority to, in the following order (1) super hot single chicks (2) non ugly single chicks who umm how to put this lightly have "questionable moral standards" (DEAD LAST) Little kids, because they are so MF annoying and never ever stop talking.
(3) Music: A slick mix of hip hop, classic rock, modern rock, classical music, and country. When it comes to your actual wedding song, I highly recommend Pachelbel canon in D Major which is probably the most amazing/romantic piece of music ever written.
(4) Food: Alright this can be a tricky situation, and from what I've heard so far, it actually may be. Well in my honest opinion, I think that Hoer Dourves are a must (shrimp, scallops, different cheeses and meats, cheese and crackers, are all phenomenal options), but the question of how to approach it from there is a major problem, as different people have different tastes. My personal opinion, which the vegans females and super homos will hate me for, is to offer a choice of some sort of chicken, or some sort of steak, but when it comes to food, it is tough to go wrong.
(5) Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties: Allow the groom to be, and the best man a LOT of latitude in what they are allowed to do, but the female party should be limited to sipping on cosmopolitans, mudslides, and gossipping about the guys. Please please please Ashley do not take Heather out to any place where there might be other guys, because that is flat out unacceptable in this blogger's opinion. Also, and this has epic epic failure potential, we MUST MUST MUST NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT have the two parties in the same location on the same weekend, because ONLY and I mean ONLY bad fucking shit can result from that. Paul for even thinking that idea, you receive Senor Ra Tard of the week honors.
Woman Of the Day
Heather Kathleen Owen
(1) No way in hell I'm posting a picture: (a) because it might blind or traumatize some of my readers, (b) I couldn't find one that would fit onto this page, and (c) because no picture can do justice to show how super awesome this woman is
(2) Heather well the story of your first date with Paul is a little unclear in my mind right now as discussed yesterday, but whatever really happened, the fact that you were willing to change the schedule to accomodate super depressed Marc made you super awesome from the start.
(3) Because for the first 4 months or so that I knew you, I was to put it lightly not exactly sober, sane, or a gentleman, yet you were still a great friend, and always helped me out when I was unable to help myself.
(4) Because you voluntarily learned how to keep score, which forever and always will be the most super awesome thing any female has done in the history of the world, even though it was at an Angels game, and your obsession with Justin Verlander is a little bit over the top.
(5) Because for the last however many fucking years/months you and super homo have been together, you have been somebody that I could talk to about anything and everything. I'm generally a very very very untrustworthy person (we all know about how Paul and his violation of Man Law #1 has lost him some of my trust), so for me to trust you with some of my deepest secrets speaks volumes about how much I trust you and your character.
(6) Because were it not for you, Lord knows what kind of crazy insane shit drunk Marc would have done.
Heather, and if you aren't Heather, I will politely ask you to stop reading here (because this post is about to take a sharp right hand turn into uber teh gheyville) please take care of my friend Paul. Not only can I not imagine two people who are more perfect for each other, but that man NEEDS you more than he can ever know. Without you, he is a miserable wreck, and as much of a scumbag fuckhead as I am, but with you, he is one half of a perfect match, and somebody who is capable of anything and everything. You two are perfect together, so please take care of him for the rest of your days, and even though you two are getting married, effectively ending your "coolness factor", I look forward to many many more adventures together with the two of you.
Ohh and on a personal note, I 100% promise you that I will obtain some sort of payback/revenge for your "wimpy little kid" pwnage of me the other day, and that once you have the guts to challenge me at mini golf again, I will for once in the history of life crush your soul. If you do by pure luck beat me at our mini golf rematch though, I will just insta give you my man card for life.
(1) No way in hell I'm posting a picture: (a) because it might blind or traumatize some of my readers, (b) I couldn't find one that would fit onto this page, and (c) because no picture can do justice to show how super awesome this woman is
(2) Heather well the story of your first date with Paul is a little unclear in my mind right now as discussed yesterday, but whatever really happened, the fact that you were willing to change the schedule to accomodate super depressed Marc made you super awesome from the start.
(3) Because for the first 4 months or so that I knew you, I was to put it lightly not exactly sober, sane, or a gentleman, yet you were still a great friend, and always helped me out when I was unable to help myself.
(4) Because you voluntarily learned how to keep score, which forever and always will be the most super awesome thing any female has done in the history of the world, even though it was at an Angels game, and your obsession with Justin Verlander is a little bit over the top.
(5) Because for the last however many fucking years/months you and super homo have been together, you have been somebody that I could talk to about anything and everything. I'm generally a very very very untrustworthy person (we all know about how Paul and his violation of Man Law #1 has lost him some of my trust), so for me to trust you with some of my deepest secrets speaks volumes about how much I trust you and your character.
(6) Because were it not for you, Lord knows what kind of crazy insane shit drunk Marc would have done.
Heather, and if you aren't Heather, I will politely ask you to stop reading here (because this post is about to take a sharp right hand turn into uber teh gheyville) please take care of my friend Paul. Not only can I not imagine two people who are more perfect for each other, but that man NEEDS you more than he can ever know. Without you, he is a miserable wreck, and as much of a scumbag fuckhead as I am, but with you, he is one half of a perfect match, and somebody who is capable of anything and everything. You two are perfect together, so please take care of him for the rest of your days, and even though you two are getting married, effectively ending your "coolness factor", I look forward to many many more adventures together with the two of you.
Ohh and on a personal note, I 100% promise you that I will obtain some sort of payback/revenge for your "wimpy little kid" pwnage of me the other day, and that once you have the guts to challenge me at mini golf again, I will for once in the history of life crush your soul. If you do by pure luck beat me at our mini golf rematch though, I will just insta give you my man card for life.
Man of The Day
Paul Michael Smith, you have been one of my best friends for the past 10 years, and yea we are both unbelievable fuckheads, and it really makes no sense that we are friends, (really that either of us could be friends with anybody), but despite all that bullshit, you are still my brother, and I love you man. When I was in the hospital fucking on my death bed, you were there to cheer me up; when I was a miserable fucking wreck in college, you were there, and for that you are my friend and brother for life! I am so fucking happy that you have found your perfect woman in Heather who:
(1) loves baseball especially the Angels, even though she does have occasional, yet still inexcusable lapses during which she is "over baseball".
(2) loves New York Giants football...while we're on that point, I'm calling a 38-35 GMen victory tomorrow, with Fitzy going off for 200 yards and 3 TD's. Hey I really need the Giants D to do bad and Fitzgerald to blow up if I'm going to beat Eric who has Tom Brady against the Bucs tomorrow.
(3) Puts up with you, your bullshit, and your ra tardedness, and your ra tard friends, especially yours truly.
(4) Most importantly, loves you for who you are, and will love you for the rest of your life. That is the greatest thing, and the greatest gift in the world, and I wish you two a lifetime of happiness together.
(1) loves baseball especially the Angels, even though she does have occasional, yet still inexcusable lapses during which she is "over baseball".
(2) loves New York Giants football...while we're on that point, I'm calling a 38-35 GMen victory tomorrow, with Fitzy going off for 200 yards and 3 TD's. Hey I really need the Giants D to do bad and Fitzgerald to blow up if I'm going to beat Eric who has Tom Brady against the Bucs tomorrow.
(3) Puts up with you, your bullshit, and your ra tardedness, and your ra tard friends, especially yours truly.
(4) Most importantly, loves you for who you are, and will love you for the rest of your life. That is the greatest thing, and the greatest gift in the world, and I wish you two a lifetime of happiness together.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
The Greatest Moments in Life
aren't the moments that we plan, or try to make happen, but the moments or nights that just spontaneously happen, where everybody is just on their game so to speak, and the conversation(s) flow effortlessly without anybody trying to force conversation. To my two brothers, Woman, and Woman, tonight was just one of those nights imo. Everybody brought their "A" game, the conversations were fantastic from start to finish, reminding me why I love you fucking guys.
Friday, October 23, 2009
My Happy Place
Inspired by the movie Happy Gilmore
Who: Carrie Underwood to my left, and Megan Fox to my right
What: Carrie is holding my beer, and Megan is holding my margarita, and all three of us are wearing our swimming attire, drinking the perfect day away, talking random bullshit, singing songs that we know some but not all of the words to, interspersed with tons of (CENSORED).
When: The middle of a perfect California day, and we are the only three people in sight.
Where: Moonstone Beach in Cambria, California
Why: Polygamy has just been legalized, and we are on our threesome honeymoon.
Who: Carrie Underwood to my left, and Megan Fox to my right
What: Carrie is holding my beer, and Megan is holding my margarita, and all three of us are wearing our swimming attire, drinking the perfect day away, talking random bullshit, singing songs that we know some but not all of the words to, interspersed with tons of (CENSORED).
When: The middle of a perfect California day, and we are the only three people in sight.
Where: Moonstone Beach in Cambria, California
Why: Polygamy has just been legalized, and we are on our threesome honeymoon.
Line of the Day
"Hey Marc they're making a movie about you" -Heather Owen
In reference to a billboard about a movie called "the wimpy little kid" or something like that. I was absolutely in the zone and locked in, winning the day's shit talking battle, but as always the karma Gods gave her the perfect ammunition, and she executed perfectly to crush my fucking soul for the 4828849th time in our long and continuing feud. WOMAN! Just one of these days I am going to beat you, and it is going to be a magical and glorious day, and all of the unicorns of the world will rise up and rejoice.
In reference to a billboard about a movie called "the wimpy little kid" or something like that. I was absolutely in the zone and locked in, winning the day's shit talking battle, but as always the karma Gods gave her the perfect ammunition, and she executed perfectly to crush my fucking soul for the 4828849th time in our long and continuing feud. WOMAN! Just one of these days I am going to beat you, and it is going to be a magical and glorious day, and all of the unicorns of the world will rise up and rejoice.
Nonline of the Day
"What's wrong with being ghey?" - Bartender at fuck I forgot the name of that place by Angel Stadium.
Is it just me, or are teh gheys multiplying and expanding their fruity wings these days. Christ that was such an uncomfortable moment, and actually now that I think about it, I don't think he spoke two words to us after that, I mean shit I wasn't trying to be offensive.
Rant on people's oversensitivity: This country as a whole has been pussified to a degree that I can no longer tolerate. People breaking down crying, and suing each other because they inflicted "emotional damage or distress" because they used an unkind word. Jesus Christ people, they're just words, if someone walked up to me and said "Fuck you Jap" I'd be pissed, and probably want to fight the fucker, but then I'd be over it. They're just words, stop being a bitch, man up, and move on. There are so many bigger problems in this world: hunger, disease, genocide, war, murder, rape, etc. etc. and it just disgusts me when people call the fucking PC police, and make a national case of it everytime somebody uses a "derogatory term". Just another reason why I don't watch the news.
/rant
Is it just me, or are teh gheys multiplying and expanding their fruity wings these days. Christ that was such an uncomfortable moment, and actually now that I think about it, I don't think he spoke two words to us after that, I mean shit I wasn't trying to be offensive.
Rant on people's oversensitivity: This country as a whole has been pussified to a degree that I can no longer tolerate. People breaking down crying, and suing each other because they inflicted "emotional damage or distress" because they used an unkind word. Jesus Christ people, they're just words, if someone walked up to me and said "Fuck you Jap" I'd be pissed, and probably want to fight the fucker, but then I'd be over it. They're just words, stop being a bitch, man up, and move on. There are so many bigger problems in this world: hunger, disease, genocide, war, murder, rape, etc. etc. and it just disgusts me when people call the fucking PC police, and make a national case of it everytime somebody uses a "derogatory term". Just another reason why I don't watch the news.
/rant
An Argument Against Manicures/Pedicures
Holy hell Heather and Hillary are going to absolutely kick my ass and rip me apart over this post, but what else is new?
(1) Guys don't, or at least shouldn't care about how a girl's nails look, and I doubt that any guy ever has turned down/broken up with a girl because her nails weren't "done properly", and if any ever has, well then he is teh uber ghey, so he should be discounted anyways.
(2) I imagine that these nail visits are somewhat to quite costly, save the money, and buy yourself an extra dress or something like that.
(3) You can break a nail, and not have to fret over it.
(4) Biting your nails during tense sporting events is a trademark of any true fan, so please join the club ladies and show off your fandom. I guess I could make an exception if you get your nails in your favorite team's colors, but I still don't like it.
(5) If getting your nails done isn't really about getting your nails done, but is some sort of female bonding ritual, like poker night for the guys, then please ignore the above post, as I guess it has been deemed irrelevant. Please understand that I'm not trying to criticize you women, you are all super awesome, but I'm just trying to give you an outside the box guide to living.
(1) Guys don't, or at least shouldn't care about how a girl's nails look, and I doubt that any guy ever has turned down/broken up with a girl because her nails weren't "done properly", and if any ever has, well then he is teh uber ghey, so he should be discounted anyways.
(2) I imagine that these nail visits are somewhat to quite costly, save the money, and buy yourself an extra dress or something like that.
(3) You can break a nail, and not have to fret over it.
(4) Biting your nails during tense sporting events is a trademark of any true fan, so please join the club ladies and show off your fandom. I guess I could make an exception if you get your nails in your favorite team's colors, but I still don't like it.
(5) If getting your nails done isn't really about getting your nails done, but is some sort of female bonding ritual, like poker night for the guys, then please ignore the above post, as I guess it has been deemed irrelevant. Please understand that I'm not trying to criticize you women, you are all super awesome, but I'm just trying to give you an outside the box guide to living.
Feminism
I'm at a point where I am having difficulty determining what exactly is politically correct, and what women would want in this particular situation. Okay, in my "nonphobias" post, I mentioned that I don't have a fear of dentists, and that people who are afraid of dentists need to toughen up. Now, I wanted to add that females should be excluded from this, since they are females, and are naturally scared of more things, but I felt that that might be condescending, and held back from saying that.
Now by question to my female readers is, what do women these days want/expect from us guys? Should we be sensitive to gender differences, and acknowledge the fact that women are different from men in many respects, or should we treat you as complete equals in ALL respects, and in my example tell you that you need to "man up" when it comes to visiting the dentist? This really is a legitimate question, and my suspicion is that the women of this country are currently split into two different camps over this issue, but I'm just interested in hearing your opinions. All discussion as always is welcome, aww shit damnit fuck I just delved into the realm of politics which is something that I promised not to do in my mission statement, but this post is already too long, and actually might actually help the male readers become more enlightened on this critical issue, so I will let the post stand.
Now by question to my female readers is, what do women these days want/expect from us guys? Should we be sensitive to gender differences, and acknowledge the fact that women are different from men in many respects, or should we treat you as complete equals in ALL respects, and in my example tell you that you need to "man up" when it comes to visiting the dentist? This really is a legitimate question, and my suspicion is that the women of this country are currently split into two different camps over this issue, but I'm just interested in hearing your opinions. All discussion as always is welcome, aww shit damnit fuck I just delved into the realm of politics which is something that I promised not to do in my mission statement, but this post is already too long, and actually might actually help the male readers become more enlightened on this critical issue, so I will let the post stand.
The Phobias of marc1313
(1) Fire/very hot objects: My house has those old school heaters with the metallic bars, and I burned myself on one of them when I was really young, and have been terrified of fire ever since. I've tried to get over some of my phobias and actually have succeeded on a couple of occasions, but this one I just can't help. I flinch and squirm like a bitch everytime we have a bonfire, and it's pretty fucking embarrassing.
(2) Loud sudden noises: I just hate being scared, in fact I used to not even like fireworks, but have made many improvements in this phobia over the years. Still, scary movies, and anything else that produces said effects give me the heeby jeebies.
(3) Male Homosexuality: Whatever people do in their private lives is none of my fucking business, but keep that stuff to yourselves, don't be homo around me, and we'll get along just fine. Attractive lesbianism is of course super fucking awesome, and something that will meet my (and any straight guy's approval) any fucking day of the week. Hey women, before you judge me, just know that I am merely saying what your boyfriends want to say, but can't say because they don't want to get their asses kicked.
(2) Loud sudden noises: I just hate being scared, in fact I used to not even like fireworks, but have made many improvements in this phobia over the years. Still, scary movies, and anything else that produces said effects give me the heeby jeebies.
(3) Male Homosexuality: Whatever people do in their private lives is none of my fucking business, but keep that stuff to yourselves, don't be homo around me, and we'll get along just fine. Attractive lesbianism is of course super fucking awesome, and something that will meet my (and any straight guy's approval) any fucking day of the week. Hey women, before you judge me, just know that I am merely saying what your boyfriends want to say, but can't say because they don't want to get their asses kicked.
The NonPhobias of marc1313
Shit that scares most people, but not the moderator.
(1) Dying: fuck I can think of at least 3 times off the top of my head where I should have died, so I am on a total life freeroll. Whenever the good Lord decides that it's my time, well it's my time, no use fighting or crying about it.
(2) Surgeries and Needles: Get that pussy shit out of my face. You're under anesthesia during any and all surgeries, and needles what the fuck they don't even make me flinch.
(3) Bees and Spiders. If you don't fuck with them, they won't fuck with you. /story
(4) The number 13: lDO it's my lucky number, and was proudly worn by sporting greats like Dan Marino, Wilt Chamberlain, and Ralph Branca, so I'm sticking with it.
(5) Dentists: Seriously it is unreal to me how some people are actually afraid to go to the dentist. Honestly what the FUCK is he/she going to do to you? Prod at your teeth for a little bit, and do a little drilling. The only thing I don't like about the dentist is the ungodly smell produced when they are drilling a filling (cavity) in. The stench is horrendous, but other than that, some people really need to man up.
(1) Dying: fuck I can think of at least 3 times off the top of my head where I should have died, so I am on a total life freeroll. Whenever the good Lord decides that it's my time, well it's my time, no use fighting or crying about it.
(2) Surgeries and Needles: Get that pussy shit out of my face. You're under anesthesia during any and all surgeries, and needles what the fuck they don't even make me flinch.
(3) Bees and Spiders. If you don't fuck with them, they won't fuck with you. /story
(4) The number 13: lDO it's my lucky number, and was proudly worn by sporting greats like Dan Marino, Wilt Chamberlain, and Ralph Branca, so I'm sticking with it.
(5) Dentists: Seriously it is unreal to me how some people are actually afraid to go to the dentist. Honestly what the FUCK is he/she going to do to you? Prod at your teeth for a little bit, and do a little drilling. The only thing I don't like about the dentist is the ungodly smell produced when they are drilling a filling (cavity) in. The stench is horrendous, but other than that, some people really need to man up.
That Last Post
Kind of sucked, and this is becoming an ugly trend in some of my blog posts, as I reach a quandry at a certain point. The post starts out very good, and I reach a point, especially in some of these lists, where I feel that I have to continue because the list isn't long enough, but I know that by continuing the list I'm diminishing the quality of the list as a whole. It really is a tough spot, and sometimes I strike gold when I "reach", but other times I strike out. To be continued...
Random Bucket List/Life Scavenger Hunt
(1) Meet a girl named Caroline at a karaoke bar, and sing "Sweet Caroline" to her. Sex afterwards strongly preferred if she is a 6 or above, or if my BAC is over .25
(2) Meet someone not related to me, who has the same last name as me.
(3) Find the real Margaritaville, not just the chain restaurant, and kick back with my brothers and sisters and waste away.
(4) Meet Christopher Lloyd so I can take a DeLaurean ride back to 1955, to watch Jackie Robinson and the Brooklyn Dodgers win a World Series.
(5) Find a chick who is as random and fucked in the head as yours truly.
(2) Meet someone not related to me, who has the same last name as me.
(3) Find the real Margaritaville, not just the chain restaurant, and kick back with my brothers and sisters and waste away.
(4) Meet Christopher Lloyd so I can take a DeLaurean ride back to 1955, to watch Jackie Robinson and the Brooklyn Dodgers win a World Series.
(5) Find a chick who is as random and fucked in the head as yours truly.
The Art of Procrastination (How to Start and Finish a Paper/Project on it's Due Date)
Aww that's much better, I think this writer's cramp only pertains to my blog, because I have long had the ability, and today was no exception, to start and finish a paper (case study) on the day that it was due, while still producing quality work (mostly A's and B's). So if you like to procrastinate, or say due to your schedule you only have a 5-10 hour window your whole weekend in which to complete a paper or a work presentation, power point, etc. here are some helpful hints.
(1) Don't panic. It's okay to feel the pressure as you see the hours and minutes wain away, but it's of vital importance to maintain a clear head, and stay focused on the task at hand.
(2) Stay on point. Papers/case studies/projects/presentations aren't about what kind of bullshit you can come up with, but about staying on point, and addressing the questions, issues, and concerns that your professor, boss, or client want to see addressed. Don't waste any of your precious time trying to "fluff" up your work with meaningless information and random data, but aggressively attack your key points and arguments. It's not about quantity, but quality.
(3) Make an argument, and vigorously support it with confidence.
(4) Take some breaks. The longer you go without a break, the more you are going to resent the work you are doing, so take some snack, tv, or internet breaks, to give yourself some variation in the day, and relax your brain.
(5) Get in "the zone". While you can still produce decent work without it, you will not produce top quality work unless you get in the zone at some point during the day. Sometimes all it takes is writing a certain sentence well, or listening to your favorite song (again I stress variation in the day, or listening to classical/relaxing music while you write) to get in the zone. Once you get there, do not stop writing, just write anything and everything that comes to your head, because most of it will be pure gold, and you can always make corrections later.
(6) Don't second guess yourself. Most of the time your first instincts are going to be the right ones, and while it's important to edit your work, trust your instincts not just in your work, but in everything in life, because they are usually right.
(7) Set benchmarks for yourself throughout the day. Let's say you need to write 10 pages in 10 hours, well then set yourself on a page an hour (maybe write 2 pages in an hour and a half, then give yourself a half hour lunch and tv break). Breaking the work up into segments rather than looking at the big picture will help you stay focused and level headed.
(8) Practice makes perfect. I started sophomore year of college, and was terrible at first, but kept getting better and better at it, and am now an absolute master of my craft.
(1) Don't panic. It's okay to feel the pressure as you see the hours and minutes wain away, but it's of vital importance to maintain a clear head, and stay focused on the task at hand.
(2) Stay on point. Papers/case studies/projects/presentations aren't about what kind of bullshit you can come up with, but about staying on point, and addressing the questions, issues, and concerns that your professor, boss, or client want to see addressed. Don't waste any of your precious time trying to "fluff" up your work with meaningless information and random data, but aggressively attack your key points and arguments. It's not about quantity, but quality.
(3) Make an argument, and vigorously support it with confidence.
(4) Take some breaks. The longer you go without a break, the more you are going to resent the work you are doing, so take some snack, tv, or internet breaks, to give yourself some variation in the day, and relax your brain.
(5) Get in "the zone". While you can still produce decent work without it, you will not produce top quality work unless you get in the zone at some point during the day. Sometimes all it takes is writing a certain sentence well, or listening to your favorite song (again I stress variation in the day, or listening to classical/relaxing music while you write) to get in the zone. Once you get there, do not stop writing, just write anything and everything that comes to your head, because most of it will be pure gold, and you can always make corrections later.
(6) Don't second guess yourself. Most of the time your first instincts are going to be the right ones, and while it's important to edit your work, trust your instincts not just in your work, but in everything in life, because they are usually right.
(7) Set benchmarks for yourself throughout the day. Let's say you need to write 10 pages in 10 hours, well then set yourself on a page an hour (maybe write 2 pages in an hour and a half, then give yourself a half hour lunch and tv break). Breaking the work up into segments rather than looking at the big picture will help you stay focused and level headed.
(8) Practice makes perfect. I started sophomore year of college, and was terrible at first, but kept getting better and better at it, and am now an absolute master of my craft.
It's Pretty Sad
that for the past couple of weeks, I cannot for the life of me seem to be able to come up with fun, refreshing, and funny blog posts while stone cold sober, but when I've had a few drinks (no I'm not talking blackout drunk, just a couple drinks to lighten the mood), I'm able to hyper post, and come up with a lot of fresh material. You would think that being sober would mean (fuck I can't even form a cohesive sentence right now, aww to hell with it, whiskey time). Be right back.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
5 Funniest TV Moments of the Last 15 Years
#5- "Family Guy"......The Willie Wonka episode
#4- "Two and a Half Men"....The return of Rose. Charlie's fiance sets Allen up for a blind double date, who turns out to be Charlie's old stalker Rose. The looks on the two guys' faces alone when they see her will have you laughing for days.
#3- "Seinfeld".....The entire Soup Nazi episode. Pretty damn self-explanatory
#2- "Two and a Half Men"....."Anything's better than moist". The adventures of Charlie dating an intelligent woman his age for a change. Hilarily ensues.
#1- "Friends"....The "Pivot" scene. Ross, Rachel, and Chandler try and move a couch up a flight of stairs, and things don't quite go the way they expected them to.
#4- "Two and a Half Men"....The return of Rose. Charlie's fiance sets Allen up for a blind double date, who turns out to be Charlie's old stalker Rose. The looks on the two guys' faces alone when they see her will have you laughing for days.
#3- "Seinfeld".....The entire Soup Nazi episode. Pretty damn self-explanatory
#2- "Two and a Half Men"....."Anything's better than moist". The adventures of Charlie dating an intelligent woman his age for a change. Hilarily ensues.
#1- "Friends"....The "Pivot" scene. Ross, Rachel, and Chandler try and move a couch up a flight of stairs, and things don't quite go the way they expected them to.
Dodgers Off Season Itinerary
Here's what the Dodgers need to do over the offseason, but won't do, because they always seem to do the exact opposite of what I know is in their best interest, and make "lovely" acquisitions like Jason Schmidt, Andruw Jones, and Kevin Brown.
(1) Sign via free agency or trade (whatever it takes) to get a reliable veteran ace who can pitch in and WIN Game 1's for us in the playoffs, and eat up innings. John Lackey is the best option via free agency, although the price for Halladay should go down, and we must do whatever it takes to acquire one of the two.
(2) Acquire a real leadoff hitter. Rafael Furcal is NOT a true leadoff hitter, he is no longer a stolen base threat, does not hit for average, and does not believe in the concept of a walk. While I have no problem keeping him as our everyday shortstop he needs to be hitting 7th or 8th in the order not first. Hudson will probably leave, so Figgins makes the most sense of the free agents out there, although trading is fine as well.
(3) Acquire somebody whether it be a starter or a role player who gives us some fucking leadership, and can light a fire under these guys asses. This team is WAY WAY WAY too laid back, and this care free attitude can be ok during the grind of the regular season, but is 100% unacceptable in October. The remaining 3 teams all have such a character on their team (Jeter, Hunter, and Victorino), and that is why they are still alive, and we're packing our bags.
(4) For the love of God teach Jonathan Broxton a changeup, and some mental toughness. When you throw the baseball 100mph, you should not be SCARED when you're facing a 40 year old pinch hitter, or a #8 hitting catcher regardless of your history. Holy Christ that was a fucking embarrassment.
Once again, I have no expectation that this will happen, and they'll probably sign an over the hill .230 slugger who won't be in the starting lineup at the all star break, and an injury prone pitcher who will break down once he reaches 100 innings.
/rant. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK when will this goddamn miserable fucking pain go away?!!!
(1) Sign via free agency or trade (whatever it takes) to get a reliable veteran ace who can pitch in and WIN Game 1's for us in the playoffs, and eat up innings. John Lackey is the best option via free agency, although the price for Halladay should go down, and we must do whatever it takes to acquire one of the two.
(2) Acquire a real leadoff hitter. Rafael Furcal is NOT a true leadoff hitter, he is no longer a stolen base threat, does not hit for average, and does not believe in the concept of a walk. While I have no problem keeping him as our everyday shortstop he needs to be hitting 7th or 8th in the order not first. Hudson will probably leave, so Figgins makes the most sense of the free agents out there, although trading is fine as well.
(3) Acquire somebody whether it be a starter or a role player who gives us some fucking leadership, and can light a fire under these guys asses. This team is WAY WAY WAY too laid back, and this care free attitude can be ok during the grind of the regular season, but is 100% unacceptable in October. The remaining 3 teams all have such a character on their team (Jeter, Hunter, and Victorino), and that is why they are still alive, and we're packing our bags.
(4) For the love of God teach Jonathan Broxton a changeup, and some mental toughness. When you throw the baseball 100mph, you should not be SCARED when you're facing a 40 year old pinch hitter, or a #8 hitting catcher regardless of your history. Holy Christ that was a fucking embarrassment.
Once again, I have no expectation that this will happen, and they'll probably sign an over the hill .230 slugger who won't be in the starting lineup at the all star break, and an injury prone pitcher who will break down once he reaches 100 innings.
/rant. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK when will this goddamn miserable fucking pain go away?!!!
Congrats to the Halos!
Whatever happens in New York, your team actually has some heart, and doesn't just give up and quit when they face some adversity. Your team is actually capable of getting some clutch hits, your pitching staff is capable of throwing the ball over home plate, and your closer shaky as he may be does not get scared and meltdown against the bottom of the order back to back seasons when the game is on the line. Good luck the rest of the way.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Congrats to the Phillies
They are flat out better than us, and outclassed us in every aspect of the game. We have a LOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGG way to go if we want to be in the same class as them or the Yankees, for both of those teams have something that we don't Heart. Our guys are far too relaxed, and mellow. We need a Torii Hunter/Derek Jeter type guy, someone who brings a fiery passion with them, and leads by example. We obviously also need a real leadoff hitter, because Furcal was horrendous the entire regular season, and in the playoffs, as well as a veteran ace who can shutdown an opponent. Lackey would be nice.
Well best of luck to whoever plays the Phils in the WS, but this will be my last baseball post for a while, so OUT!
Well best of luck to whoever plays the Phils in the WS, but this will be my last baseball post for a while, so OUT!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
It's NOT "Just a Game"
(1) Because I watched every game that I possibly could this season and every season, and invested myself fully into every single one of the games that I watched, rooting for my team with all of my heart and soul.
(2) Because only thoughts of "the one who got away" can make me feel as horrendously awful as I have for the past 5 hours, and will feel until next April.
(3) Because once J Roll got the hit, I lay face down on the couch for a solid 10 minutes motionless, and for the first time in my life, shed a few tears over the outcome of a sporting event. Clearly this is more than just a game.
(4) Because not even an evening of poker, tv shows, music, and movies that I love, and some whiskey doubles can eliminate this heart wrenching pain. I'm hurting just as badly now, as I did at 8:50 pm, and will continue to feel this way until the next game, and probably until the day that the Dodgers finally win a World Series.
(5) Because despite the fact that we still have one more loss until we are officially eliminated, it feels to me and all other realistic Dodger fans as if we were eliminated tonight, and there are no more games left to be played. Still have to hold out hope, but things look very very bleak.
(2) Because only thoughts of "the one who got away" can make me feel as horrendously awful as I have for the past 5 hours, and will feel until next April.
(3) Because once J Roll got the hit, I lay face down on the couch for a solid 10 minutes motionless, and for the first time in my life, shed a few tears over the outcome of a sporting event. Clearly this is more than just a game.
(4) Because not even an evening of poker, tv shows, music, and movies that I love, and some whiskey doubles can eliminate this heart wrenching pain. I'm hurting just as badly now, as I did at 8:50 pm, and will continue to feel this way until the next game, and probably until the day that the Dodgers finally win a World Series.
(5) Because despite the fact that we still have one more loss until we are officially eliminated, it feels to me and all other realistic Dodger fans as if we were eliminated tonight, and there are no more games left to be played. Still have to hold out hope, but things look very very bleak.
Tips for Couples to make Yourselves Cooler and Less teh Ghey
Semi-inspired by this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother.
(1) No "pet names". Pretty much every couple I've ever known has them, so I guess they're the status quo, but HOLY FUCK they are so incredibly teh ghey and annoying, and nobody other than you finds them humorous. These little names just make the rest of us sick, and want to throw up in a trash can.
(2) Maintain your individuality. Don't refer to yourselves as "we", but be strong and be a person, not just a part of a relationship. Our founding fathers, and the men and women of our armed forces have fought for freedom and invidivualism since the birth of our nation, so don't just give your God given rights away once you enter a relationship.
(3) Talk some shit on each other. It's always fun and entertaining to watch couples make fun of each other, and it's healthy to point out each other's little quirks and flaws, so that they don't come to a head in a major meltdown.
(4) Absolutely no Public Displays of Affection and/or whispering "sweet nothings" to each other in public. They are gross, repugnant, vomit inducing, and unneccessary. We get it, you two love each other, there's absolutely no need to "show off" in public, and rub it in the faces of all the single losers out there, and to be honest, it can be borderline offensive and flat out not nice sometimes.
(5) Act more like friends, than boyfriend/girlfriend. When you talk "baby talk" and other ghey shit at each other, it just makes us sick. When you exchange banter as if you two are just best friends, it not only makes you look cooler, look like you have a stronger relationship, but actually earns you respect and cool points from single friends.
If you follow all of these rules, you are guaranteed to be the coolest couple on the block, have the respect and admiration of all your single friends, and be the model for which said friends will seek to emulate when they find that special someone.
(1) No "pet names". Pretty much every couple I've ever known has them, so I guess they're the status quo, but HOLY FUCK they are so incredibly teh ghey and annoying, and nobody other than you finds them humorous. These little names just make the rest of us sick, and want to throw up in a trash can.
(2) Maintain your individuality. Don't refer to yourselves as "we", but be strong and be a person, not just a part of a relationship. Our founding fathers, and the men and women of our armed forces have fought for freedom and invidivualism since the birth of our nation, so don't just give your God given rights away once you enter a relationship.
(3) Talk some shit on each other. It's always fun and entertaining to watch couples make fun of each other, and it's healthy to point out each other's little quirks and flaws, so that they don't come to a head in a major meltdown.
(4) Absolutely no Public Displays of Affection and/or whispering "sweet nothings" to each other in public. They are gross, repugnant, vomit inducing, and unneccessary. We get it, you two love each other, there's absolutely no need to "show off" in public, and rub it in the faces of all the single losers out there, and to be honest, it can be borderline offensive and flat out not nice sometimes.
(5) Act more like friends, than boyfriend/girlfriend. When you talk "baby talk" and other ghey shit at each other, it just makes us sick. When you exchange banter as if you two are just best friends, it not only makes you look cooler, look like you have a stronger relationship, but actually earns you respect and cool points from single friends.
If you follow all of these rules, you are guaranteed to be the coolest couple on the block, have the respect and admiration of all your single friends, and be the model for which said friends will seek to emulate when they find that special someone.
Monday, October 19, 2009
An Argument in Favor of Cougars
(1) They're more experienced, so lDO the sex will be better.
(2) Cougars will be appreciative that a younger guy will be taking interest in them, and will more than likely make extra sure to ensure that you have a good time.
(3) Hit it and Quit it will more than likely be fine with them, and won't result in any drama that could ensue with a 20 something chick. However, if you do want to pursue something regular, they would probably jump on the opportunity.
(4) 20 something chicks are generally full of themselves (Woman, Woman, and Woman are obvious exceptions), so why deal with all their bullshit, drama, and lies, when you can get consistent sex from a chick who will actually appreciate you.
(5) Cougars may actually pursue you, so you don't have to waste time striking out with chicks at the bar/club. Nothing sexier than a woman who pursues you.
(2) Cougars will be appreciative that a younger guy will be taking interest in them, and will more than likely make extra sure to ensure that you have a good time.
(3) Hit it and Quit it will more than likely be fine with them, and won't result in any drama that could ensue with a 20 something chick. However, if you do want to pursue something regular, they would probably jump on the opportunity.
(4) 20 something chicks are generally full of themselves (Woman, Woman, and Woman are obvious exceptions), so why deal with all their bullshit, drama, and lies, when you can get consistent sex from a chick who will actually appreciate you.
(5) Cougars may actually pursue you, so you don't have to waste time striking out with chicks at the bar/club. Nothing sexier than a woman who pursues you.
Poker Stars + Thank You + MNF
I really like the synchronized break schedule you have implemented. Gives you the perfect food/bathroom, or in this case blogging break. Also, thank you to all of you who have been giving me positive feedback on the blog. I can't tell you how much it inspires me to continue to churn out funny and entertaining material for the rest of you. It would also appear that I missed a great Monday Night Football game. Wow Broncos you guys might just be the best team in football, and LOL Chargers. Never seen a team do so little with so much. How are you unable to run the football when you have LT and Sproles? Full NFL Week 6 commentary and fantasy football recap to come later tonight.
A Realistic True Fan
- There is absolutely no way in hell that the Dodgers can recover from that loss and win one game, yet alone 3 straight against the Phils.
- The biggest reason why, is that the Phillies are just flat out the better team. Their starting pitching is superior, their hitting especially their clutch hitting is far superior, and even in the one area where we were supposed to have an advantage (the bullpen), they have been far superior to us in this series.
- Now that being said, I'm still going to watch game 5, no matter what the score until the bitter end, because real fans support their team no matter what. Even though I know what's going to happen, I still have to watch, and pray for the miracle of miracles.
- The biggest reason why, is that the Phillies are just flat out the better team. Their starting pitching is superior, their hitting especially their clutch hitting is far superior, and even in the one area where we were supposed to have an advantage (the bullpen), they have been far superior to us in this series.
- Now that being said, I'm still going to watch game 5, no matter what the score until the bitter end, because real fans support their team no matter what. Even though I know what's going to happen, I still have to watch, and pray for the miracle of miracles.
RIP Marc the Fish
You were one hell of a fighter buddy, and you lived longer than anybody expected you too. So full of energy, and such a big mofo. Have fun with the big Dodger blue guy in the sky, and we will all see you again one day, hopefully a long time from now.
A Threesome with Carrie Underwood and Megan Fox
could not make up for how horrendously awful I feel right now.
LOL at my last post
There's clearly a new number one. Very entertaining blog posts are sure to come later in the evening. Stay tuned.
The Worst Losses in my Life as a Dodger fan
After some consideration, and reading a thread on the Angels board of a similar nature, I decided to rank where does today's trainwreck of a game ranks among the all time worst losses.
#5- Game 3 2009 NLCS- Here are some numbers for you: Phillies= 6 extra base hits, Dodgers= 3 baserunners....1= number of Dodgers to touch 2nd base....2= number of Dodgers to reach 1st base.....7= number of free passes issued by Dodger pitchers.....0= number of Dodgers who hit the ball hard, all 3 hits were of the cheapish variety....100%= percentage of Phillies in the starting lineup who scored a run in the game...0= number of Dodgers who showed up for the game, or looked like they had any idea what they were doing out there
#4- Game 162 of the 1996 Regular Season. The Dodgers entered the final weekend of the regular season with a 2 game lead over, and a 3 game series at home with the Padres. All they had to do was win one of the final 3 games, and they would secure the division title, and home field advantage in the first round, instead of the Wild Card. Also on the line was the MVP title which was hotly contested between Piazza and San Diego's Ken Caminiti. After losing the first two games, game 162 was a 0-0 tie going into the 9th, when the Dodgers loaded the bases with two outs for Piazza. After working a full count, Piazza chased a 3-2 slider in the dirt, sending the game into extras, where Chris Gwynn (Tony's brother) hit a 2 run double in the 11th to give the Pads a 2-0 win, and the NL West. The Dodgers had to settle for the wild card, lost home field, and had to play the Braves in the first round, and with no momentum were summarily swept away.
#3- Game 1 2006 NLDS. The Dodgers appear to take an early lead against the Mets when Russell Martin doubles off the right field wall, but inexplicably due to some horrendous baserunning and 3rd base coaching, two Dodgers (Jeff Kent and J.D. Drew) end up getting thrown out at the plate on the play. The Mets end up winning the game by a run, and of course the Dodgers get 3 and outed, they never recovered from that epic fail of a play.
#2- Late September 1997, The Barry Bonds HR twirl game. I vaguely remember this, but every Dodger fan who was old enough, has that image of Barry doing his little twirl engrained in their memory, reminding them of why he was the most despicable player to ever wear those dirty uniforms. It was late in the season, the Dodgers and Giants were stuck in a tight playoff race, when Bonds hits a late inning GW HR at the bloody Stick to propel the Gnats to the division title. Piazza gets traded the next year, and the F&$#^NG Kevin Malone and the idiots at Fox run the franchise into the ground for the next 6 seasons.
#1- Game 4 2008 NLCS: A loss that I will brood on until my dying day. After losing the first two in Philly, the Dodgers won game 3, and appeared to have game 4 and all the momentum locked up, but somehow manage to grab defeat from the jaws of victory. So so many chances to break the game wide open early, but the Dodgers leave the whole country of India on base, allowing the Phillies to hang around. Joe Torre inexplicably removes a crusing Derek Lowe after only 5 innings, the middle relief lets the Phillies back in it, and then Cory Wade and Jonathan Broxton implode in the 8th, allowing 2 run homers to Shane Victorino and Matt Stairs, giving the Phils a 7-5 win, and the Series.
#5- Game 3 2009 NLCS- Here are some numbers for you: Phillies= 6 extra base hits, Dodgers= 3 baserunners....1= number of Dodgers to touch 2nd base....2= number of Dodgers to reach 1st base.....7= number of free passes issued by Dodger pitchers.....0= number of Dodgers who hit the ball hard, all 3 hits were of the cheapish variety....100%= percentage of Phillies in the starting lineup who scored a run in the game...0= number of Dodgers who showed up for the game, or looked like they had any idea what they were doing out there
#4- Game 162 of the 1996 Regular Season. The Dodgers entered the final weekend of the regular season with a 2 game lead over, and a 3 game series at home with the Padres. All they had to do was win one of the final 3 games, and they would secure the division title, and home field advantage in the first round, instead of the Wild Card. Also on the line was the MVP title which was hotly contested between Piazza and San Diego's Ken Caminiti. After losing the first two games, game 162 was a 0-0 tie going into the 9th, when the Dodgers loaded the bases with two outs for Piazza. After working a full count, Piazza chased a 3-2 slider in the dirt, sending the game into extras, where Chris Gwynn (Tony's brother) hit a 2 run double in the 11th to give the Pads a 2-0 win, and the NL West. The Dodgers had to settle for the wild card, lost home field, and had to play the Braves in the first round, and with no momentum were summarily swept away.
#3- Game 1 2006 NLDS. The Dodgers appear to take an early lead against the Mets when Russell Martin doubles off the right field wall, but inexplicably due to some horrendous baserunning and 3rd base coaching, two Dodgers (Jeff Kent and J.D. Drew) end up getting thrown out at the plate on the play. The Mets end up winning the game by a run, and of course the Dodgers get 3 and outed, they never recovered from that epic fail of a play.
#2- Late September 1997, The Barry Bonds HR twirl game. I vaguely remember this, but every Dodger fan who was old enough, has that image of Barry doing his little twirl engrained in their memory, reminding them of why he was the most despicable player to ever wear those dirty uniforms. It was late in the season, the Dodgers and Giants were stuck in a tight playoff race, when Bonds hits a late inning GW HR at the bloody Stick to propel the Gnats to the division title. Piazza gets traded the next year, and the F&$#^NG Kevin Malone and the idiots at Fox run the franchise into the ground for the next 6 seasons.
#1- Game 4 2008 NLCS: A loss that I will brood on until my dying day. After losing the first two in Philly, the Dodgers won game 3, and appeared to have game 4 and all the momentum locked up, but somehow manage to grab defeat from the jaws of victory. So so many chances to break the game wide open early, but the Dodgers leave the whole country of India on base, allowing the Phillies to hang around. Joe Torre inexplicably removes a crusing Derek Lowe after only 5 innings, the middle relief lets the Phillies back in it, and then Cory Wade and Jonathan Broxton implode in the 8th, allowing 2 run homers to Shane Victorino and Matt Stairs, giving the Phils a 7-5 win, and the Series.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
CHIEFS!!! CHIEFS!!! CHIEFS!!!!
FIRST WIN OF THE SEASON, AND NOT THE LAST!!!! GG Deadskins, you're next San Diego, we're on the warpath!
Awesome Saturday
with all my Brothers, Woman and Woman! In terms of pure volume, probably the most beer I've ever consumed in one day, but spread out over a 12 hour period, I was able to avoid getting blackout drunk which is kind of a rarity for the moderator these days. A few things learned, or relearned from this fine day:
(1) Brian Parrelli is a damn fine chef/grill master, and his cooking skills are second only to Giada.
(2) While Brian is a fantastic chef, friend, and host, he is 100% incompetent when it comes to giving directions, or gauging distances from point A to point B.
(3) Big Juan is still the fucking man, and someone I will drink with any fucking day.
(4) Never Ever in 10 Million Fucking Years piss off Heather Owen. Well I mean aside from the fact that she is super awesome, and should always be respected, if you cross her she will give you the look of death, and then transfer you from the category of "alive", to the category of "deceased".
(5) Paul Smith is the closest thing to me as a baseball fan, although he still has a long ways to go. Until he's collapsing on the floor numerous times in the game over balls and strikes, he can't be compared to moi, but he definitely showed me something today, and proved that he is worthy of
being introduced to the club of redonkulously pessimistic and overreactive fans. Welcome Mr. Smith: it's a sick club and life, but somebody has to counterbalance the bandwaggoners, and everything is sunshine and roses crowd.
(6) The same Mr. Smith is an incredible J-Hole. Dude how in God's green earth do you not know to concede the front seat to Woman?!!! I'm a douche, and a ra tard, and even I know that!
(7) Ryan Dow needs to make up his fucking mind before calling me for 12:30am Del Taco runs, unless that was a drunk dial (I couldn't quite tell), in which case, It's About Fucking Time Bro! Shit man you owe me so many drunk dials, but never deliver, it almost feels like we aren't friends anymore.
(8) Hillary Gollenberg wins super awesome comment of the week for talking shit on chicks who "have to be at a baseball game to enjoy it". Seriously those chicks really irritate me, stop trying to "fit in" and just say you don't like baseball, because you clearly don't.
(9) The song "One Fine Day" is pretty damn catchy.
(10) Time to give up on 20 something chicks, since they clearly aren't having any of this, and be strictly a cougar guy. Complete epic fail on my part, that I did not end up banging the super hot cougar that eye fucked the shit out of me by the pool.
(1) Brian Parrelli is a damn fine chef/grill master, and his cooking skills are second only to Giada.
(2) While Brian is a fantastic chef, friend, and host, he is 100% incompetent when it comes to giving directions, or gauging distances from point A to point B.
(3) Big Juan is still the fucking man, and someone I will drink with any fucking day.
(4) Never Ever in 10 Million Fucking Years piss off Heather Owen. Well I mean aside from the fact that she is super awesome, and should always be respected, if you cross her she will give you the look of death, and then transfer you from the category of "alive", to the category of "deceased".
(5) Paul Smith is the closest thing to me as a baseball fan, although he still has a long ways to go. Until he's collapsing on the floor numerous times in the game over balls and strikes, he can't be compared to moi, but he definitely showed me something today, and proved that he is worthy of
being introduced to the club of redonkulously pessimistic and overreactive fans. Welcome Mr. Smith: it's a sick club and life, but somebody has to counterbalance the bandwaggoners, and everything is sunshine and roses crowd.
(6) The same Mr. Smith is an incredible J-Hole. Dude how in God's green earth do you not know to concede the front seat to Woman?!!! I'm a douche, and a ra tard, and even I know that!
(7) Ryan Dow needs to make up his fucking mind before calling me for 12:30am Del Taco runs, unless that was a drunk dial (I couldn't quite tell), in which case, It's About Fucking Time Bro! Shit man you owe me so many drunk dials, but never deliver, it almost feels like we aren't friends anymore.
(8) Hillary Gollenberg wins super awesome comment of the week for talking shit on chicks who "have to be at a baseball game to enjoy it". Seriously those chicks really irritate me, stop trying to "fit in" and just say you don't like baseball, because you clearly don't.
(9) The song "One Fine Day" is pretty damn catchy.
(10) Time to give up on 20 something chicks, since they clearly aren't having any of this, and be strictly a cougar guy. Complete epic fail on my part, that I did not end up banging the super hot cougar that eye fucked the shit out of me by the pool.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
5 Reasons Why USC-Notre Dame is CFB's Greatest Rivalry
Today marks the 81st meeting between college football's two most stories programs, with Notre Dame holding a 42-33-5 all time lead. Both teams enter the game with only loss, so the winner keeps their BCS and National Championship hopes alive, while the loser all but seals their fate.
#5- Mutual Respect. While both teams of course have their bad apples, these are two of the classier fan bases in the game, and a rivalry that was built upon the premise of mutual respect has certainly been filled with it throughout its history. While both teams are rivals, at the end of the day, each school respects the opponent, and recognizes its significance to the continuing history of this great game.
#4- The Stadiums and the Atmospheres. The Coliseum and Notre Dame Stadium. The Peristyle and Touchdown Jesus. Downtown Los Angeles/Hollywood against Midwestern hospitality, the CFB Hall of Fame, and the birthplace of college football.
#3- The Players and Coaches. 11 National Championships for each school (most in the NCAA), 7 Heisman Winners a side (most in the NCAA), this rivalry has produced more legends both in the college game, and in the NFL than any other rivalry. From Gifford, to OJ, Anthony Davis, John McKay, Marcus Allen, Ronnie Lott, Pete Carroll Matt Leinart, and Reggie Bush USC has held up their end, with Notre Dame countering with the ghosts of the 4 Horsemen, Knute Rockne, Ara Parseghian, Paul Hornung, George Gipp, Joe Theismann, Tim Brown, and of course Joe Montana.
#2- The Games: The rivalry started out with close competitive games, and that trend continued through the 60's, including 1964's thriller that cost ND a national title, classics throughout the 70's, including '73, the comeback in '74, and the green jersey/trojan horse game of '77. While no game can ever match the hype and living up to the hype of the 2005 game, these two teams throughout the rivalry have played so many times with everything on the line for one or both teams. Whether it's the 3rd Saturday in October in South Bend, or a Thanksgiving Day weekender in Los Angeles, this game is sure to draw national attention.
#1- Throw out the records, throw out what's happened in the past, it's USC and Notre Dame, anything can and will happen. Big time rivalry games are what makes college football the great sport that it is, and are what give birth to legends whose names will never be forgotten. No Trojan fan will ever forget AD, 4th and 9, and the Bush Push, and no Irish fan will forget Erick Penick, the original Green Jersey game, and #1-#2.
Fight On and Beat the Irish!
#5- Mutual Respect. While both teams of course have their bad apples, these are two of the classier fan bases in the game, and a rivalry that was built upon the premise of mutual respect has certainly been filled with it throughout its history. While both teams are rivals, at the end of the day, each school respects the opponent, and recognizes its significance to the continuing history of this great game.
#4- The Stadiums and the Atmospheres. The Coliseum and Notre Dame Stadium. The Peristyle and Touchdown Jesus. Downtown Los Angeles/Hollywood against Midwestern hospitality, the CFB Hall of Fame, and the birthplace of college football.
#3- The Players and Coaches. 11 National Championships for each school (most in the NCAA), 7 Heisman Winners a side (most in the NCAA), this rivalry has produced more legends both in the college game, and in the NFL than any other rivalry. From Gifford, to OJ, Anthony Davis, John McKay, Marcus Allen, Ronnie Lott, Pete Carroll Matt Leinart, and Reggie Bush USC has held up their end, with Notre Dame countering with the ghosts of the 4 Horsemen, Knute Rockne, Ara Parseghian, Paul Hornung, George Gipp, Joe Theismann, Tim Brown, and of course Joe Montana.
#2- The Games: The rivalry started out with close competitive games, and that trend continued through the 60's, including 1964's thriller that cost ND a national title, classics throughout the 70's, including '73, the comeback in '74, and the green jersey/trojan horse game of '77. While no game can ever match the hype and living up to the hype of the 2005 game, these two teams throughout the rivalry have played so many times with everything on the line for one or both teams. Whether it's the 3rd Saturday in October in South Bend, or a Thanksgiving Day weekender in Los Angeles, this game is sure to draw national attention.
#1- Throw out the records, throw out what's happened in the past, it's USC and Notre Dame, anything can and will happen. Big time rivalry games are what makes college football the great sport that it is, and are what give birth to legends whose names will never be forgotten. No Trojan fan will ever forget AD, 4th and 9, and the Bush Push, and no Irish fan will forget Erick Penick, the original Green Jersey game, and #1-#2.
Fight On and Beat the Irish!
WARNING #3
Never Ever and I mean EVER watch youtube videos that were recommended by Ryan Samuel Dow.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Even after a Catastophic Loss....
here are a few things in life that just will never fail you:
(1) Good quality friends
(2) Poker
(3) Blogging to let out all those pent up feelings of rage and despair
(4) Looking up the definitions to words that you don't know the meaning of (it's always nice to learn something new).
(5) Listening to a wide variety of awesome music.
(6) Drinking some fine whiskey. The Irish, the Scots, Americans, and Canadians, they all know where it's at. Whiskey is the stone nuts.
(1) Good quality friends
(2) Poker
(3) Blogging to let out all those pent up feelings of rage and despair
(4) Looking up the definitions to words that you don't know the meaning of (it's always nice to learn something new).
(5) Listening to a wide variety of awesome music.
(6) Drinking some fine whiskey. The Irish, the Scots, Americans, and Canadians, they all know where it's at. Whiskey is the stone nuts.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
People Who are Total Pieces of Shit!
(1) Shane Victorino
(2) Shane Victorino
(3) Shane Victorino
(4) The slowrolling cocksucker who just took 30 seconds to call my all-in shove when I had KK and he had AA. Fuck you you piece of shit, I hope I bust your piece of shit ass.
(5) 99% of our elected officials on both sides of the aisle.
(6) The fucking moron who refused to allow an interracial couple to get married in Louisiana. You do realize that it's 2009 don't you?
(7) The racebaiting Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and other civil rights "leaders" who will try to exploit this poor couple and their situation, to advance their own careers, and obtain more money to shut up their mistresses.
(8) Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton Again just because they are such virulent scum who could care less about the people that they proclaim to be helping, care about no one but themselves, and have done more to hurt the civil rights movement and racial equality than any 10 redneck morons put together. Martin Luther King Jr. would be rolling over in his grave.
(8) The fuckhead kids that lit a 15 year old kid on fire in Florida because he wouldn't give them a bike...and you wonder why I don't watch the news?
(2) Shane Victorino
(3) Shane Victorino
(4) The slowrolling cocksucker who just took 30 seconds to call my all-in shove when I had KK and he had AA. Fuck you you piece of shit, I hope I bust your piece of shit ass.
(5) 99% of our elected officials on both sides of the aisle.
(6) The fucking moron who refused to allow an interracial couple to get married in Louisiana. You do realize that it's 2009 don't you?
(7) The racebaiting Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and other civil rights "leaders" who will try to exploit this poor couple and their situation, to advance their own careers, and obtain more money to shut up their mistresses.
(8) Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton Again just because they are such virulent scum who could care less about the people that they proclaim to be helping, care about no one but themselves, and have done more to hurt the civil rights movement and racial equality than any 10 redneck morons put together. Martin Luther King Jr. would be rolling over in his grave.
(8) The fuckhead kids that lit a 15 year old kid on fire in Florida because he wouldn't give them a bike...and you wonder why I don't watch the news?
Big Juan!
You are the fucking man sir. Damn I miss drinking with you....fucking Dodgers crushed our souls as always tonight, but there's always tomorrow. Padilla needs to come out, pitch like he did on Saturday, and save our season. Go Doyers!
Trade Secrets
Listen up Dodger fans, here are the trade secrets to willing the Dodgers to victory, aka all my little superstitions that win or lose, no matter what I have to do before and during every single game that I commit to watching from start to finish.
(1) About 15 minutes before the start of the game, make a photocopy of my double sided scoresheet, so that I have a fresh off the presses sheet for the game. If you want a copy, just let me know and I will happy to accomodate you.
(2) Do NOT facebook or blog about a game the day of the game, or the night before a game (if they won, if they lost bitch, complain, cry, and moan till your heart's content).
(3) Pick a designated spot or seat from which you watch the game, and do not leave that spot unless extreme or unusual circumstances tell you to do so.
(4) Always point your remote control at the television, and do not put anything in his/her path, so that Mr./Ms. remote can watch the game along with you.
(5) Pace nervously whenever there is a key point in the game.
(6) Do not facebook, call people, or brag whenever the Dodgers are winning, wait until the game is over before doing any celebrating, or the worst case scenario is sure to happen.
(7) Love your team with all your heart, root your heart out until the last out of the last game, and always hope/pray for the best, but be prepared for the worst. GO DODGERS!
(1) About 15 minutes before the start of the game, make a photocopy of my double sided scoresheet, so that I have a fresh off the presses sheet for the game. If you want a copy, just let me know and I will happy to accomodate you.
(2) Do NOT facebook or blog about a game the day of the game, or the night before a game (if they won, if they lost bitch, complain, cry, and moan till your heart's content).
(3) Pick a designated spot or seat from which you watch the game, and do not leave that spot unless extreme or unusual circumstances tell you to do so.
(4) Always point your remote control at the television, and do not put anything in his/her path, so that Mr./Ms. remote can watch the game along with you.
(5) Pace nervously whenever there is a key point in the game.
(6) Do not facebook, call people, or brag whenever the Dodgers are winning, wait until the game is over before doing any celebrating, or the worst case scenario is sure to happen.
(7) Love your team with all your heart, root your heart out until the last out of the last game, and always hope/pray for the best, but be prepared for the worst. GO DODGERS!
The Perfect Woman!
(1) Loves baseball or falls in love with baseball when she sees how much it means to me.
(2) Is an optimistic Dodger fan to balance out by extreme pessimism, or is a pessimistic fan of one of the Dodgers' rivals so that we can make fun of our teams together, and have something fun to argue about.
(3) Is polite and courteous to everybody, not just her friends and family, and always says "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome".
(4) Reads my blog
(5) Revels in some self-deprecating humor, and can laugh at herself to round out a generally good sense of humor. Chicks who are full of themselves are the biggest turnoff ever.
(6) Is a good dancer, and loves to dance, so that I'll always have a dancing partner, and someone who can teach me how to not look like a gigantic jackass.
(7) Enjoys some fun activities that I don't find repulsive, but don't partake in on a regular basis, which will force me to become more cultured.
(8) Does NOT like cheesy chick flicks, but does like good films of all different genres, so that movie nights won't always be divided into "my night" or "her night"
(9) Is very well knowledged and passionate about sports, but not more so than me, because that would be scary, but does partake in fantasy baseball and fantasy football.
(10) Is always smiling, laughs at my jokes, and makes me feel good about myself all the time.
(2) Is an optimistic Dodger fan to balance out by extreme pessimism, or is a pessimistic fan of one of the Dodgers' rivals so that we can make fun of our teams together, and have something fun to argue about.
(3) Is polite and courteous to everybody, not just her friends and family, and always says "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome".
(4) Reads my blog
(5) Revels in some self-deprecating humor, and can laugh at herself to round out a generally good sense of humor. Chicks who are full of themselves are the biggest turnoff ever.
(6) Is a good dancer, and loves to dance, so that I'll always have a dancing partner, and someone who can teach me how to not look like a gigantic jackass.
(7) Enjoys some fun activities that I don't find repulsive, but don't partake in on a regular basis, which will force me to become more cultured.
(8) Does NOT like cheesy chick flicks, but does like good films of all different genres, so that movie nights won't always be divided into "my night" or "her night"
(9) Is very well knowledged and passionate about sports, but not more so than me, because that would be scary, but does partake in fantasy baseball and fantasy football.
(10) Is always smiling, laughs at my jokes, and makes me feel good about myself all the time.
Heart Broken, Downtrodden, and Crushed
One of the most demoralizing, heart breaking defeats in my life as a Dodger fan, and trust me there have been plenty of them. I feel so freakin awful right now. I would seriously trade 10 years off of my life for a World Series win. Those of you saying you're crazy don't know how much this team means to me, and how badly I crave a championship.
WARNING #2!!!
The moderator is probably going to consume high quantities of alcohol in the next 2-3 hours and will probably spend the remainder of the evening blabbering a bunch of insane retarded nonsense.
WARNING!!!
This blog has been Rated R by the HMPA (Hypocritical Morality Police of America) for: excessive foul language, some sexual references, and some mildly suggestive pictures of hot chicks. Children under 17 cannot read without parental consent, and the moderator cannot be held liable for any "pain or anguish" that any reader may encounter by reading/viewing this blog. Continue at your own discretion.
A Pretty Cool Website
Tests your knowledge regarding a wide array of subjects.
http://www.sporcle.com/games/
http://www.sporcle.com/games/
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
NFL Week 6 Predictions
Winners in Bold (9-5 in Week 5....31-13 for the year). Some huge matchups this weekend, including a showdown between the NFC's top two teams in the Big Easy, Ray Lewis meets Brett Favre and Adrian Peterson, and an early must win for the Chargers.
Texans @ Bengals
Lions @ Packers
Rams @ Jaguars
Ravens @ Vikings
Giants @ Saints
Browns @ Steelers
Panthers @ Bucs
Chiefs @ Redskins
Eagles @ Raiders
Cardinals @ Seahawks
Titans @ Patriots
Bills @ Jets
Bears @ Falcons
Broncos @ Chargers
Texans @ Bengals
Lions @ Packers
Rams @ Jaguars
Ravens @ Vikings
Giants @ Saints
Browns @ Steelers
Panthers @ Bucs
Chiefs @ Redskins
Eagles @ Raiders
Cardinals @ Seahawks
Titans @ Patriots
Bills @ Jets
Bears @ Falcons
Broncos @ Chargers
Monday, October 12, 2009
Mike Singletary
is my kind of football coach. He set the tone right away early in his tenure by sending Vernon Davis to the showers after his selfish actions cost the team, and was both hilarious and spot on in his post game rant. Singletary has helped change the losing culture that has pervaded in Frisco for since Steve Young retired, and by making Dre Bly apologize today (while he was looking on) for his idiotic actions in yesterday's game, and retarded post game comments, shows that this guy isn't going to take shit from any of his players, and is committed to a selfless, team first football team that is going to win the NFC West. McDaniels and Ryan may get most of the publicity, but Mike Singletary is my NFL Coach of the Year.
Man Laws (Just for you Heather)
#1- Don't gossip and don't squeal! What a buddy tells you in confidence, or whatever stupid shit you and your buddies do, stays between said parties. Don't squeal or talk to the girls about that shit, keep it between the guys. Violation of said law is punishable by loss of friendship, 25 kicks to the nuts, and/or loss of man card.
#2- Under no circumstances is it ok to have sex with your buddy's girlfriend or mother. Intercourse with a buddy's ex, sister, or other family member can be allowed with the blessing of said friend, but precautions should be made, and one night stands in said instances are generally frowned upon. Bottom line, if you're going to fool around with a friend's sister or ex, it better be because you two are in love.
#3- Drink fucking beer, enjoy it, and don't fucking complain about it. If you don't drink because of moral, religious, or personal reasons that is fine, we're not going to judge you, but if you are a casual or heavy drinker, you sure as fuck better drink beer, and drink it regularly.
#4- Don't drink chicks drinks UNLESS somebody has bought it for you (see rule 5), or unless doing so will somehow greatly influence your chances of getting laid.
#5- If you are not driving, NEVER turn down a drink that a friend has bought for you.
#6- Be a good fucking wingman to your buddy, and he should do so in return. If you have to bang "the ugly friend" in order for your friend to score with "the hot one", then man up, down a few extra shots, do what you have to do, and don't complain about it afterwards. If he's a good friend, he will do the same thing for you somewhere down the line.
#7- Always be able to give precise directions to the nearest strip club.
#8- Always have at least one relevant piece of sports knowledge/trivia that the rest of your buddies don't know, so that you are able to contribute to the conversation.
#9- Play fantasy football and fantasy baseball. It's not a game for stat geeks, and middle aged losers, it's a great game that helps enhance your knowledge of the game, the players, and gives a more competitive feel to the week's games. Those who argue against it, are women who don't know shit, and men who try to mask their lack of sports knowledge, by denigrating those who participate in it.
#10- Be able to drink some version of whiskey (Irish, Scotch, American, or Canadian) on the rocks. It doesn't have to be your favorite drink, but you at least have to be able to stomach it when the pressure is on.
#11- Have either Die Hard or Terminator 2, but preferably both in your top 10 favorite movies of all time list.
#12- DON'T ever say the word "lovely"
#13- Have your own rules to beer pong, so that when you're losing, drunk, and pissed off, you can find a way to finagle your way out of a jam, and screw over your opponent.
#14- Find Megan Fox and Carrie Underwood to be out of this world fucking hot.
#15 BATHROOM ETIQUETTE: All right this is becoming a MAJOR problem, as so many guys are completely oblivious to the fact that they are doing extremely homo stuff
(a) Never make eye contact with another man in the men's room
(b) If the men's room has 2 urinals and 1 stall, and somebody is already using one of the urinals, then go to the fucking stall.
(c) If there are 3 urinals, and you're the first person to enter, go to one of the end stalls. If you're the 2nd person to enter, go to the other end, the middle stall should ONLY be used if all other spots are being occupied. The same goes for if there are 5, 7, or any odd numbered amounts of urinals. Give other men some fucking space and stop being a faggot.
(d) Men's room conversations should be limited to sports, booze, or the hot chick(s) at the bar.
#16- Crying is only permitted when:
(a) Watching one of your 5 favorite sports movies
(b) A close friend or family member has passed away or is terminally ill
(c) Your favorite sports team has just won a Championship, or suffered a soul-crushing defeat in the playoffs.
#2- Under no circumstances is it ok to have sex with your buddy's girlfriend or mother. Intercourse with a buddy's ex, sister, or other family member can be allowed with the blessing of said friend, but precautions should be made, and one night stands in said instances are generally frowned upon. Bottom line, if you're going to fool around with a friend's sister or ex, it better be because you two are in love.
#3- Drink fucking beer, enjoy it, and don't fucking complain about it. If you don't drink because of moral, religious, or personal reasons that is fine, we're not going to judge you, but if you are a casual or heavy drinker, you sure as fuck better drink beer, and drink it regularly.
#4- Don't drink chicks drinks UNLESS somebody has bought it for you (see rule 5), or unless doing so will somehow greatly influence your chances of getting laid.
#5- If you are not driving, NEVER turn down a drink that a friend has bought for you.
#6- Be a good fucking wingman to your buddy, and he should do so in return. If you have to bang "the ugly friend" in order for your friend to score with "the hot one", then man up, down a few extra shots, do what you have to do, and don't complain about it afterwards. If he's a good friend, he will do the same thing for you somewhere down the line.
#7- Always be able to give precise directions to the nearest strip club.
#8- Always have at least one relevant piece of sports knowledge/trivia that the rest of your buddies don't know, so that you are able to contribute to the conversation.
#9- Play fantasy football and fantasy baseball. It's not a game for stat geeks, and middle aged losers, it's a great game that helps enhance your knowledge of the game, the players, and gives a more competitive feel to the week's games. Those who argue against it, are women who don't know shit, and men who try to mask their lack of sports knowledge, by denigrating those who participate in it.
#10- Be able to drink some version of whiskey (Irish, Scotch, American, or Canadian) on the rocks. It doesn't have to be your favorite drink, but you at least have to be able to stomach it when the pressure is on.
#11- Have either Die Hard or Terminator 2, but preferably both in your top 10 favorite movies of all time list.
#12- DON'T ever say the word "lovely"
#13- Have your own rules to beer pong, so that when you're losing, drunk, and pissed off, you can find a way to finagle your way out of a jam, and screw over your opponent.
#14- Find Megan Fox and Carrie Underwood to be out of this world fucking hot.
#15 BATHROOM ETIQUETTE: All right this is becoming a MAJOR problem, as so many guys are completely oblivious to the fact that they are doing extremely homo stuff
(a) Never make eye contact with another man in the men's room
(b) If the men's room has 2 urinals and 1 stall, and somebody is already using one of the urinals, then go to the fucking stall.
(c) If there are 3 urinals, and you're the first person to enter, go to one of the end stalls. If you're the 2nd person to enter, go to the other end, the middle stall should ONLY be used if all other spots are being occupied. The same goes for if there are 5, 7, or any odd numbered amounts of urinals. Give other men some fucking space and stop being a faggot.
(d) Men's room conversations should be limited to sports, booze, or the hot chick(s) at the bar.
#16- Crying is only permitted when:
(a) Watching one of your 5 favorite sports movies
(b) A close friend or family member has passed away or is terminally ill
(c) Your favorite sports team has just won a Championship, or suffered a soul-crushing defeat in the playoffs.
Lamebook
There was an epic OT thread dedicated to this site a couple of weeks ago, and one of my friends just brought it back to my attention, so I'm inclined to spread the word. Probably the funniest site on the web, it is a compilation of epic facebook fails, whether they be regarding relationships, family, typos, douchebags/bitches, and much much more. Broken down into 13 categories, this site can satisfy whatever tastes you desire, and are sure to have you literally ROFL!
http://www.lamebook.com/
http://www.lamebook.com/
Happy Birthday Morgan!!!
Hope that you and Paige have an awesome day at Disneyland, and you're just having a great day in general. This is about as ghey a post as I'll ever make, but for your birthday I guess I can make some exceptions. I made sure to omit Phillip Rivers, since you and Paige have both told me of your disdain for him.
Happy Birthday Ryan!!!
Hope you have a good one sir. Congrats on the Halos legit sweep and breaking of the curse, and the Cowboys' lucky ass fucking win. Enjoy my tribute to hot chicks you will probably like.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Tomorrow
Might quite possibly be the greatest sports day of the entire year. Baseball AND Football Triple Headers FTW! Going to give Mr. Remote a nice relaxing night off, because he is going to be very busy tomorrow.
NLCS Bound!
HOW FUCKING SWEET IT IS!!! Way to seal the deal and leave no doubt. Couldn't be happier, or more proud to be a Dodger fan. While they might be the better team, I really want the Bastards (Phillies), for a plethora of reasons. First of all, I don't want to worry about snow storms, and sub freezing temperatures (this is absolutely ridiculous, I mean if a big storm hits, the series could easily get delayed 5+ days). But more importantly, I want fucking payback from last year, and if we want to be the best, we have to beat the best, and until somebody dethrones the Phils, they are still the defending champs, and the best team in baseball.
Well whoever we play, I'm happy that we clinched early so that we can get our rotation in order, get some rest for our team that didn't get that luxury since they took so long to clinch the West, and I can actually relax and enjoy the remainder of the Division Series'.
Well whoever we play, I'm happy that we clinched early so that we can get our rotation in order, get some rest for our team that didn't get that luxury since they took so long to clinch the West, and I can actually relax and enjoy the remainder of the Division Series'.
Woman of the Day
Hillary Gollenberg aka WOMAN!
- Not going to post a picture because I don't want to inflict that kind of visual pain on my readers. Just Kidding!
- Because she loves baseball and football
- Because Ryan and Hillary are a super awesome couple who make their single friends believe in love again.
- Because she reads and loves my blog
- Because if it weren't for her, Ryan, Eric, and myself would still be at the Rose Bowl helpless and incapacitated.
- But most importantly because she has always been there for me, and is one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
- Not going to post a picture because I don't want to inflict that kind of visual pain on my readers. Just Kidding!
- Because she loves baseball and football
- Because Ryan and Hillary are a super awesome couple who make their single friends believe in love again.
- Because she reads and loves my blog
- Because if it weren't for her, Ryan, Eric, and myself would still be at the Rose Bowl helpless and incapacitated.
- But most importantly because she has always been there for me, and is one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
The MJT
Otherwise known as the greatest fucking sandwich known to mankind, no joke I've had like 6 of these in the last 4 days, they're so unfuckingbelievable, and although I'm sure someone else has made this before, I have a very particular way of preparing this sandwich that makes it uniquely my own.
The recipe:
- Take one piece of wheat bread and break it into two halves. If you want two pieces of bread, still cut them into halves, and just double down on the following.
- Get a large piece of your favorite luncheon meat (turkey in my case) and fold it up into fourths, so that you can stuff it all within the bread, and get maximum meat/sq. inch
- Take a thick presliced piece of your favorite cheese (swiss in my case), and this is probably the most important part, fold it into halves, and put one half the cheese on either side of the turkey. I cannot stress enough how important it is to make sure that you have cheese on both ends of the sandwich, giving it perfect balance.
- Go to the nearest Trader Joe's and purchase their "own brand" kettle potato chips. They are absolutely phenomenal for those of you who have never tried them. The chips are fairly large, so 3-6 total chips should do, and place them at the upper end of the sandwich.
ENJOY and thank me later.
The recipe:
- Take one piece of wheat bread and break it into two halves. If you want two pieces of bread, still cut them into halves, and just double down on the following.
- Get a large piece of your favorite luncheon meat (turkey in my case) and fold it up into fourths, so that you can stuff it all within the bread, and get maximum meat/sq. inch
- Take a thick presliced piece of your favorite cheese (swiss in my case), and this is probably the most important part, fold it into halves, and put one half the cheese on either side of the turkey. I cannot stress enough how important it is to make sure that you have cheese on both ends of the sandwich, giving it perfect balance.
- Go to the nearest Trader Joe's and purchase their "own brand" kettle potato chips. They are absolutely phenomenal for those of you who have never tried them. The chips are fairly large, so 3-6 total chips should do, and place them at the upper end of the sandwich.
ENJOY and thank me later.
5 First Date Ideas
Alright well the status quo in society is to do dinner and a movie and for most people that's fine and dandy, but I hate the status quo: it's just so generic, bland, and unexciting. If I were taking out a girl that I liked, I'd want to test her coolness, and stimulate excitement in her, so here are five ideas that are "risky" but hey if you two aren't compatiable then it doesn't really matter where you take her does it?
(1) Spring and Summer: A baseball game. Winter and Fall: A hockey game. This affords you maximum talking time, with the action in the game serving as the perfect break in conversation to prevent those dreaded awkward silences. If she knows her sports, and is really into the game, then you know you've found a potential keeper, and if she's bored and complaining, well then she's a lost cause, bite the bullet, and just try and enjoy the rest of the game.
(2) Take her to someplace like Jack Rabbit Slim's from Pulp Fiction, and enter a dance contest together. You'll probably make a fool of yourself, but it will be fun, and it's important to humble yourself on occasion. More importantly, you'll show that you can be fun and cool, and that you're not afraid of doing something different.
(3) Disneyland: It's the happiest place on earth, there are numerous fine dining options, walking around and waiting in lines gives you plenty of talking time, and just being there will make you both feel like a kid again, and may conjure up feelings of romance. I mean if you can't start a spark at Disneyland, you can't do it anywhere.
(4) Golf N'Stuff or someplace like it. Go to the batting cages, play mini golf, air hockey, or other fun little games. Do something active rather than just sit and stare at each other, watching each other eat all night. Engaging in such activity is sure to loosen you up, and reveal to each other your true personalities, rather than the bullshit that you probably try and espouse when you're sitting down at a table trying to think of what to say next. Spontaneity FTW! I would recommend against bowling or someplace loud, because being able to enjoy a conversation is vital to 1st date success imo.
(5) Ice Skating: Because it's lots of fun, because watching each other fall down repeatedly is going to be good for a few laughs, but together succeeding and "getting the hang of it" by the end of evening can be the first thing that you accomplish together as a couple.
Single Readers: Best of luck to you, try one of these ideas someday, and hope they work out.
Taken Readers: Have a big anniversary coming up, or just want to do something new and different, go for it!
(1) Spring and Summer: A baseball game. Winter and Fall: A hockey game. This affords you maximum talking time, with the action in the game serving as the perfect break in conversation to prevent those dreaded awkward silences. If she knows her sports, and is really into the game, then you know you've found a potential keeper, and if she's bored and complaining, well then she's a lost cause, bite the bullet, and just try and enjoy the rest of the game.
(2) Take her to someplace like Jack Rabbit Slim's from Pulp Fiction, and enter a dance contest together. You'll probably make a fool of yourself, but it will be fun, and it's important to humble yourself on occasion. More importantly, you'll show that you can be fun and cool, and that you're not afraid of doing something different.
(3) Disneyland: It's the happiest place on earth, there are numerous fine dining options, walking around and waiting in lines gives you plenty of talking time, and just being there will make you both feel like a kid again, and may conjure up feelings of romance. I mean if you can't start a spark at Disneyland, you can't do it anywhere.
(4) Golf N'Stuff or someplace like it. Go to the batting cages, play mini golf, air hockey, or other fun little games. Do something active rather than just sit and stare at each other, watching each other eat all night. Engaging in such activity is sure to loosen you up, and reveal to each other your true personalities, rather than the bullshit that you probably try and espouse when you're sitting down at a table trying to think of what to say next. Spontaneity FTW! I would recommend against bowling or someplace loud, because being able to enjoy a conversation is vital to 1st date success imo.
(5) Ice Skating: Because it's lots of fun, because watching each other fall down repeatedly is going to be good for a few laughs, but together succeeding and "getting the hang of it" by the end of evening can be the first thing that you accomplish together as a couple.
Single Readers: Best of luck to you, try one of these ideas someday, and hope they work out.
Taken Readers: Have a big anniversary coming up, or just want to do something new and different, go for it!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Rank 'Em
in alphabetical order
Baseball
Beer
Carrie Underwood (God you are such a faggot Tony Homo)
Football
Sex
Baseball
Beer
Carrie Underwood (God you are such a faggot Tony Homo)
Football
Sex
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