Profanity

A quick note, as I know that some of you are not big fans of profanity. My frequent use of profanity is not due to a lack of intellect, or a weak vocabulary. I am perfectly capable of conversing without the using of foul language, I simply choose to curse in my blogging as well as my normal life, because to be frank, I fucking love to curse. Wow holy shit this vicodin is kicking into full gear right now, and I am on cloud fucking nine. LOL can't stop laughing. Umm anyways, thank you to my anti-profanity readers for your continued devotion and visitation to this blog. Sometimes I do try and cut back on the profanity for the sake of civility, but don't expect any change in my jargon anytime soon.

NFL Week 12 Review

- Thanksgiving games, KC/SD, Pitt/Balt, and AZ/TN games already covered below

- Week 13 preview will come Wed. night. So many big injuries right now to star players to sort through, and need to wait for injury reports before making predictions. Very excited for next week's games with a ton of huge games, and a matchup between my two front runners for MVP as the undefeated Colts duel the Titans who are trying to go from 0-6 to the playoffs, which would be just the sickest accomplishment ever.

- Pats/Saints went down similar to how I expected it to. I had 34-24 Saints, but I certainly didn't expect a 0/2 performance from Brady. That Saints defense is one very underrated group, and has been the difference this year, forcing turnovers, and scoring touchdowns in some of their close games to change the tide. The 1-2 running tandem of Pierre Thomas and Mike Bell gives their offense good balance, and Drew Brees is a man among boys, throwing touchdowns to 5 different receivers today. That kind of balance in an offense makes them so so tough to defend against, and Minnesota is probably the only team in the NFC with a chance in hell of beating them in the playoffs. Too many weapons on both sides of the football. A Saturday night home game against Dallas is the only legitimate obstacle between them and 16-0, although every game is losable in the NFL. As for the Pats, this game might just cost them a first round bye, as San Diego is playing as good as anybody in the conference right now, and the Pats defense is definitely in trouble.

- The Miami Dolphins just blew their playoff chances imo with an epic 4th quarter meltdown in Buffalo. Had they won, they'd be playing for a 1st place tie with New England next Sunday in Miami, but 4 interceptions and giving up 24 points in a quarter to BUFFALO is not exactly playoff caliber football

- Justin Forsett is running with a MISSION right now, and if he doesn't maintain the full time job when Julius Jones returns, then (I forgot who Seattle's HC is) should be insta fired.

- LOL Jake Delhomme. Had some good years, but please John Fox bench this guy and give somebody else a chance. DeAngelo Williams is being wasted and it's got to be depressing for his fantasy owners.

- Although they escaped with a win, the possible loss of Desean Jackson and Brent Celek has to be concerning for them, as they have to keep winning to stay in the divisional race. They get the equally banged up Falcons next week in a must win game for both squads.

- Speaking of the Falcons, I know it was the Bucs, but mad props to Chris Redman rallying the Falcons and saving the season after Matt Ryan went down. 23/41 for 243, with 2 TD's and most importantly 0INT's is a line I will take any day. Still the Falcons must have Michael Turner healthy and effective if they hope to pass the Eagles or Packers for that last wild card spot.

- Indy stays unbeaten, and Houston continues to be horrendous at closing out games. Can't wait to see Peyton Manning vs. Chris Johnson next week in a duel between the two best players in the National Football League.

Fantasy Note (not that anyone gives a shit, I just want to comment): Failed to clinch 1st place in the regular season in my main league for the 2nd straight week. Once again, I was one of the top point scorers (102 pts.) but played a guy whose team just went ape shit, dropping to 9-3, but still in 1st. Well that's variance, but with 3 of the playoff spots all but locked up, the battle for the final playoff spot in that league is great, as 5 teams have a legitimate shot at it.

In my secondary league, I stayed alive with solid performances across the board, am now 6-6, and am in a 5 way tie (out of 10 teams) for the 4th and final playoff spot. Looking at the schedule, I should make the playoffs if I win my final 2 games, so I look at it as I'm in the sweet sixteen. Win 4 straight games, and I'm the champ, anything else and the season is a failure. In case you didn't know, I don't play for no fucking second place.

Vicodin

HOLY FUCK! I need to have surgeries more often. Been in pretty bad pain all day, and just got home and took one of these bad boys 15 minutes ago, and wow just wow. The HIGH is unfuckingbelievably sick. I'm spinning (in a good way), the pain is already gone, and feel like I'm a good 8 beers deep right now. Man I forgot how awesome this stuff is, but just gotta make to throw it out once I'm feeling better. I don't need any more addictions.

Why Men Drive With the Windows Down

- Because men all always hot, as opposed to women who all always cold
- Because it lets the people around us hear what we're listening to, and check out our systems.
- Because it makes it easier for us to check out, cat call to, and converse with the hot chick(s) in the car next to us
- Because it is liberating. Women OWN the household and pretty much control us in all public venues, but a man's car is the one sanctuary he has left, and driving with the windows down makes us feel a freedom that we only get to enjoy while driving.

A Christmas Story Preview

Well since everybody seemed to enjoy the murder mystery, I figured i would give this whole fictional writing thing another shot. The murder mystery was definitely a downer, so I'm going to change pace with an uplifting Christmas story that will be sure to warm everybody's heart. Starting either tomorrow night after midnight, since it will officially be December, I'll try and write a chapter a night, with the conclusion being written on Christmas Eve. I might miss a day or two, some chapters may be shorter if I don't have time, and as of now, I have no fucking clue what the story is going to be about, but I'll come up with something, and it will be good, or at least the best possible piece that I can write.

Tips to Make Your Holiday Season Super Awesome

- (Single guys only): Carry some mistletoe with you everywhere you go, and bust it out, anytime you see a hot chick. Hey it only needs to work once for it to be worth it.

- Gather up a group of friends, and go Christmas Caroling. Singing is good for the soul, and it'll make you feel better.

- Remind your loved ones how much you love and care about them, and show them that in your actions. Try not to be a douche/bitch, unless of course it's done for comedic effect.

- Find "that neighborhood" nearest to you where everybody goes crazy with the Christmas lights, and go driving around with family or friends, listening to Christmas music and admiring how crazy creative some people can get.

- Instead of stressing about your holiday shopping for the next 4 weeks, just do it all on the Saturday before Christmas. Seeing all the other procrastinators panicking with you will make you laugh, and give you added motivation to keep on trucking. Plus that long day of shopping will give you good cause to party that night, and drink some egg nog.

- Watch more football, it's Mother Fucking Bowl Season, the NFL stretch run, and fantasy football playoff time.

- Stop worrying about your fucking weight, eat whatever you want, enjoy it, and be happy about it.

- Channel the 5 year old kid in you, and just go out and be happy this holiday season. Yes there are many stresses that come with this time of year, but more important than all is to remember that this should be a time for celebrating, and merriment with the people that you love the most.

Steelers-Ravens

If I could script my ideal football game, this would pretty much be it, and this rivalry just might be my favorite one in the NFL. Two competent offenses meet two dominating defenses, resulting in a 17-14, or in this case 20-17 game. Nothing but power running, hard nose, smash mouth football, with bodies flying everywhere, and big hits a plenty. Yes, the occasional shootout can be entertaining, but this game is my kind of football, and the way the game is meant to be played. Dennis Dixon played adequately, but against the Ravens you have to be perfect, and that one mistake at the end, cost his team the game. That's 3 straight losses for Pittsburgh, and the AFC wild card race just became an insane clusterfuck, but we need that, as most of the division races are already sewn up. Loved the game from start to finish, that's 3 straight dandy's for NFL Sunday Night, and can't wait for next week's game, and for the Pittsburgh-Baltimore rematch.

Chris Johnson and the Tennesse Titans

Remember when the Titans were 0-6, the season was done, and everyone was scratching their heads wondering how this team could fall so far so quick. Well they won a couple games, and Chris Johnson told the media that they were going to finish 10-6, and everybody laughed at him. NOBODY is laughing anymore! After a miraculous finish where Vince Young hit Kenny Britt for a 10yard TD on the last play of the game, the Titans are now 5-6, and if they get past Indy next week, Chris Johnson's prophecy may very well come true.

As a Trojan fan, the name Vince Young will forever me a source of anguish and despair, but I have to give him mad props. Taking over for a wildly ineffective Kerry Collins, he is now 5-0 this year, threw for 387 yards today, with a TD, and more importantly 0 turnovers. But the story of this team, is Chris Johnson, who right now is the best player in the NFL, and its not even close. Another 150+ yard game, including an 85 yard TD run, in which he simply outraced the entire Arizona defense. A few weeks ago, I said that Peyton Manning was the league MVP hands down, but if the Titans somehow make the playoffs as a wildcard, it will be virtually impossible not to give the award to Chris Johnson. Congrats Tennessee, and I will be rooting for you guys the rest of the way.

A Disgraceful Performance by the Chiefs Today

First off, hats off to the Chargers. They are playing the best football in the AFC right now, and took advantage of all of our mistakes as good teams should. Still, tons of self-inflicted pain upon ourselves today, and a game that was beyond painful to watch from start to finish.

- 4 Turnovers all of the UBER ugly variety + a surrendered safety
- A center who cannot snap the ball properly in a shotgun formation
- A defense that gave up big play after big play, put forth ZERO pass rush, the entire game, allowing Rivers to complete bomb after bomb, and 34828890894 20 yard underneath routes to Antonio Gates. FFS, I could have gotten 100 yards receiving playing TE for SD today.
- Far too penalties, some of which sustained drives for SD, and some which killed our own. Charles ran the ball well all game, and it was nice to see Chambers get a TD against his old team, and we actually did have a chance to make this a game, but a total meltdown in the 2nd and 3rd quarters did us in. Ugly, but it's just one loss, hopefully the team is as embarrassed and ashamed as I am, and uses that as motivation for next week, and gives the Broncos all they can handle.

Thank You + Comments

I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank every single one of you for your continued support and promotion of this blog. Your support and positive reinforcement means a lot to me, and helps keep me motivated and "in the zone" when grinding out new material. Everyone that has given me feedback so far, loved the murder mystery, so you shall be rewarded with a couple Christmas bonuses. Starting tonight, I'm going to write "A Christmas Story" with one short chapter each day from here until Christmas.

Also, several readers have asked me how they can post comments. Well, first you have to create a google account, which you can do by going to the top right hand corner, and filling out the necessary information. Then you have to sign into the account when you want to post, and finally at the bottom of the post you wish to comment on click where it says: "0 comments" and the screen should post up an area on which to comment.

Thank you all again, hope that you are enjoying your Thanksgiving weekend, I hope that The Christmas Story beats the hell out of the murder mystery (which I honestly did not think was well-written or executed, but I'm kind of crazy and a perfectionist), and enjoy an AWESOME NFL Sunday, because I know that I will. GO CHIEFS!

USC 28 UCLA 7

Alright I know that I have plenty of readers from each side, so I'll try and keep this as unbiased as possible. Everyone is talking about the playbut there are many other issues for both sides that I want to discuss first. One general complaint I have about both teams is the fans. Holy Christ LA fans of all sports just fucking suck, it's as simple as that. No energy, no emotion, LA fans are just way way way too relaxed and mellow, and it is really starting to annoy me. The few that are energetic are the obnoxious drunks, and gangbanger morons, but come on people show some pride in your team, stand up, and cheer ffs.

The Officiating

Wow just when I think that Pac 10 officials can't get any worse, they continue to amaze me. Both sides can agree that they were atrocious tonight. There were many times where they seemed confused, got some calls wrong, kept announcing penalties on the wrong team, took FOREVER on some decisions, and seemed very confused the entire game. Then there was the very very bizarre play where UCLA (lateralled/forward pass, which was it? didn't get to see the replay. They ruled that it was a lateral, but because of an inadvertant whistle moved the ball back, and gave UCLA a "do over"/extra down.) Wow so fucking confused, you can't have it both ways. It's either a lateral and UCLA keeps the play, or it's an incomplete, since the whistle was "inadvertantly blown", hence making the ruling on the field an incomplete pass and there is no "do over". Just a really weird play, made worse by the officials themselves having no idea what the fuck was going on.

USC

- Great win, well any win over the Bruins is a great win, and nice to see Stafon Johnson (the guy who almost died in a weightlifting accident) back on the sidelines seemingly happy and healthy. Fight On Stafon! Allen Bradford was a beast, Malcolm Smith was all over the field, and the defense was fantastic, shutting down the Bruin running game early, and locking down Bruin receivers to save a mediocre performance from our pass rush.

- All right that being said, still a TON of complaints about the game. #1 the Penalty situation has reached an unacceptable level. We are GIVING away tons of yardage with boneheaded personal fouls, lining up offsides, unnecessary PI, and kicking the fucking kickoff out of bounds, which is always 100% unacceptable. The National Championship teams were smart and disciplined, and we won't be sniffing a MNC until we become far more disciplined.

- Matt Barkley has all the tools, and can make all the throws, but still needs to work on his decision making. The pick he threw today was abysmal, throwing into triple coverage when he had a TE on a checkdown route for a 5-10 yard gain, killing a great drive. Still, hard to be too hard on a true freshman QB. The receivers did a terrible job of getting separation today, although much credit has to be given to the Bruin DB's.

- The playcalling on offense continues to be HORRENDOUS. Run the fucking football up the middle. It was the only play that worked all game, it greatly lessens the chance of a turnover, and maintains control of the clock and the game. I am so sick of these 1st and 10 quick outs that almost always result in 2nd and 12.

- Still an improvement over the past few games, but this team has a lot of improvement to make over the offseason if they want to reclaim Pac 10 supremacy next year, and it all starts with not beating ourselves with turnovers and penalties.

UCLA

- Great effort on defense. The DB's forced another turnover as always, almost had two, and did a very good job of locking down the Trojan wideouts; most of the big pass plays went to TE McCoy or were screens that broke for a nice gain. Good job at shutting down our outside running game, and forcing us into a lot of 3rd and longs.

- Obviously there need to be a lot of improvements made on the offensive line, and at the quarterback position before this team can be an elite Pac 10 team, but the defensive and special teams pieces are in place. Where were Coleman and Franklin tonight? Moline got almost all of the carries, and I feel that they should have distributed the carries more evenly, and tried to some different formations (definitely need to try more Wildcat plays) to run the ball. They had struggles early, but should not have abandoned the run, especially in a close game, because (a) The Trojans have been obliterated by the run this season (b) A 3 back system would have kept fresh legs on the field until they could find something that works, they actually did toward the end of the game, running zone read and wildcat plays (c) The passing game was nonexistent, and USC's veteran DB's weren't surrendering anything tonight.

"The Play"

- Alright obviously it was a classless move, and I'm not trying to defend it in anyway. If I were the head coach, I wouldn't have done it in a million years, because you have to play these guys next year, and I hate giving people more motivation to beat me.

- That being said, I'm a Bruin hater first, so even though it was classless, I absolutely loved it, just because hating the Bruins is so easy, and having watched them beat and taunt SC for 8 straight years, and having to hear it from my Bruin friends growing up, I can never get enough of this. That's what makes rivalries one of if not the best parts of college football. The pure hatred for your rival and everything about them, is something that is engrained within the players, coaches, and fans alike, and is something that you just can't find in professional sports, where money is the be all and end all.

- Stanford did something similar, a couple weeks ago against SC, going for a 2 pt. conversion up by 20+ points in the last few minutes of the game. I was livid for about two minutes, until I said to myself: "We already lost the game, we deserved to lose (Toby Gerhart for Heisman BTW!), and this might be the best thing that ever happens to us. The team had played lackluster ball for the last three games, and that might have just been the spark we needed, and it probably was to wake us the fuck up, and finish the season strong. These aren't professional athletes, they're college kids who often thrive off of emotion, and the Bruin team should be able to use this as a motivation all off season to make themselves better, and to beat SC, just as Harbaugh's act should fire up Trojan players. Bruins: Don't get mad, get even. If nothing else, it sure as hell made this rivalry a lot more intense both for the fans and the players. The crowds have been dead for the past few years, and the players likewise haven't been as into the rivalry as in years past, but this should rekindle the hatred and total disrespect for the opponent, that this rivalry is all about.

*UNBIASEDNESS ENDING HERE*

All that being said, just ANOTHER Trojan victory! Not one that I'm proud of, or going to store in my video library, but any win against the Bruins is AWESOME. Can't wait for next year's game in the Rose Bowl, the Bruins are going to be mad as hell, and will give us another good game, and I hope we're ready for it. Until next year: 28-7, Fight On and Beat the Wildcats!

USC-UCLA Thoughs/Memories

Tomorrow, Saturday November 28, 2009 the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum will play host to the 78th gridiron matchup between the University of Southern California, and the University of California, Los Angeles. For the players, coaches, fans, alumni, and the people of the greater Los Angeles area, this is more than just a game, this is THE GAME that determines bragging rights for the next 364 days. This is a game that divides workplaces, families, friends, and much more. USC leads the all time series 42-28-7, and have won the past two meetings, and 9 of the last 10. Past games have determined the Rose Bowl and National Championship hopes for one or both teams. Those of you who are old enough to remember, will never forget the classic 1967 matchup, where the teams came into the game ranked #1 and #2, and O.J. Simpson led the Men of Troy to a 21-20 victory, and a National Championship. Should have won the Heisman too that day, but obviously the voters missed the game.

This year both teams have struggled, with the 7-3 Trojans in rebuilding mode especially on defense, and having had their worst season since 2001, including two embarrassing blowout losses to Stanford and Oregon, while the 6-5 Bruins suffered a miserable 5 game losing streak to start Pac 10 play, but have rebounded nicely to win three straight games. With both teams out of the Rose Bowl race, and also having already secured bowl eligibility, the game technically means nothing, but don't tell that to anybody associated with the game. This is the game that can save a season, maintain/restore control of the city, and go a long way in winning local recruiting battles. This will be my 6th USC-UCLA game attended (4-1), and I will cherish this one just as much as all the others. Can't wait for kickoff, so without further adoo, the 5 greatest wins for each side for as long as I can remember.

Top 5 Trojan Victories Since 1991

#5- 2008. USC 28-7. The Trojans offense was sluggish at times, but the defense was absolutely dominating, surrendering their lone touchdown off a turnover within their own 20. One of the best defenses in the history of college football (4 count 'em 4 linebackers from that team...Clay Matthews, Rey Maualuga, Brian Cushing, and Kaluka Maiava are now starting as rookies in the NFL, with Cushing in line for Defensive Rookie of the year). USC clinches another Pac-10 Championship, 11-1 season, and Rose Bowl berth.

#4- 2003. USC 47-22. Mike Williams was a man among boys that day. What could have been, had he stayed another year? He absolutely shredded the Bruins secondary all day, the Trojan defense was dominant until garbage time, and the Trojans paved their way to a National Championship.

#3- 2005. USC 66-19. This one was for all the marbles: the Pac-10 title, bragging rights, and for the Trojans, a National Championship date with Texas. The Bruins had a top 10 team, and only one loss coming into the game, but were no match for Reggie Bush who won himself a Heisman that glorious day in the Coliseum.

#2- 2001. USC 27-0. The one that changed it all. Trojan football had been down for a long time, while the Bruins had owned the town, but in Pete Carroll's first game in the rivalry, SC dominated including a spectacular INT return for a TD by Antuan Simmons. Trojan football was BACK and would dominate the Bruins and the Pac-10 for the next decade.

#1- 1999. USC 17-7. The Streak is OVER! After 8 long suffering years, the Trojans finally beat the Bruins. The game itself was quite possibly the worst played, sloppiest football games I have ever seen, marred by penalties, turnovers, and just bad bad football, but as a lifelong Trojan fan who had never seen a win over the Bruins (started watching in '91-'92 when the streak started) this was a game that I will never forget.

TOP 5 Bruin Victories Since 1991

#5- 1998. UCLA 34-17. One of the best Bruin teams ever led by Cade McNown, Skip Hicks, and Ryan Nece (can't remember if he was good, just that I hated him), the undefeated Bruins soundly beat the Trojans in the Coliseum, and continued a National Title quest that was cut short by Edgerrin James and the Hurricanes.

#4- 1996. UCLA 48-41 2OT. Both teams sucked, and all that SC had to do was take a knee up by 3 with just a couple minutes left in the game. Instead, John Robinson decided to run the ball, which they of course fumbled, UCLA marched down the field tied it, and won it in double OT. One of the more painful losses for this Trojan fan.

#3- 1992. UCLA 38-37. Walk-on 65th string QB John Barnes started for the Bruins due to total decimation of their Quarterback depth chart, and went crazy hooking up with J.J. Stokes all day long. USC still had a chance (this was before OT, when ties still happened) and attempted a GW 2 pt. conversion attempt with a few seconds left in the game, but Rob Johnson's pass fell just out of his receiver's reach.

#2- 1993. UCLA 27-21. It was simple USC had first and goal from UCLA's 2 yard line, with under a minute left, down by 6, with the winner of the game going to the Rose Bowl. After getting absolutely stuffed on 2 running plays, the Bruins intercepted Rob Johnson on i think it was 3rd down (sorry memory is a bit convoluted) to secure the win.

#1- 2006. UCLA 13-9. Quite simply cost the Trojans a chance to play Ohio. St. for the National Championship. The Bruins defensive line dominated the Trojans up front, hassling John David Booty all day, and while the Trojans defense met them every step of the way, a Bruin red zone interception with under 2 minutes remaining sealed the biggest upset of the year.

Black Friday

Are the sales really that great, or is this just an excuse for women to go crazy? I mean I know that women don't like the cold, so the idea of them waiting out in the cold all night waiting in line should mean that the sales really are worth the wait, although at the same time, nothing women do ever seems to make any sense to me, so it's entirely possible that this is just some giant female conspiracy using the mask of "good sales" to go out and buy any and everything that they can get their hands on. Hmmmm...one of these years I'll have to get in line with these women: (a) to investigate further and (b) to get some numbers

A Movie Review: "The Blind Side"

Based on the true story of Michael Oher, an amazing gifted athlete and bright young kid who has been abandoned and kicked around by the world his entire life, whose life changes when he is brought in and eventually adopted by a wealthy family from the other side of the tracks. While the football scenes are great, this is not a football movie, but a film about: family, love, second chances, and ultimately the relationship between Michael and his adoptive mother played masterfully by Sandra Bullock, who lights up the film and every scene that she is in. I really enjoyed this film from start to finish, and it certainly beat the hell out of the last few movies I've seen in the theatre, and would definitely recommend it to anyone, but I don't know there was just something missing that could have taken it from good to great, you know that "it factor", because the story was great, the acting was great, and it was well-directed, edited, and there were no major problems, just lacked that "wow" factor.

My Grade: B+

NFL Thanksgiving In Review

- I am eternally thankful for Aaron Rodgers to Donald Driver. Really wishing that I hadn't dropped Green Bay's defense, but when they give up 38 points to the Bucs and a QB making his first NFL start, do you really have a choice? Stafford came back down to earth, and while the Packers could have easily scored a couple more TD's, I'll take 54 fantasy points from my 3 Packers happily. Nice to see Rodgers getting better protection the past few weeks, and since I dislike just about every other NFC contender, I guess the Packers will be the team that I root for in the NFC the rest of the way. Green Bay has definitely paved itself a nice path to secure one of the two NFC wild card spots, and with their turnover inducing defense (something like a +23 turnover margin this year) and an explosive offense with a vastly improving and healthier offensive line, they should be the team that nobody wants to face.

- Wow that Dallas-Oakland game could not have possibly gone worse. I absolutely loathe both teams and wish they could both lose, but since Dallas was the only team with a shot at the playoffs, I very begrudgingly rooted for the Raiders. How are we friends again Ryan? Seriously we HATE every single one of each other's favorite teams. Miles Austin (who my opponent has) of course blew up, as Oakland inexplicably let him run wild through their zones all day, and when they did put man coverage on him, let their #2 corners, and safeties cover Dallas' only deep play threat. What they were using Asomugha (sp?) who always shuts down opponents' top WR for is beyond me. Did they seriously use him to cover Roy Williams instead of Austin, because if they did, then Tom Cable should be fired immediately! And of course Marion Barber turned in another dud, failing to reach pay dirt for the 48392080th straight game. I do (although this hurts) have to give mad props to the Dallas defense which has played absolutely fantastic football for the past month, and is the only reason Dallas is where they are right now. The D-Line led by Ware and Ratliff put forth such a fierce pass rush, the linebackers especially Keith Brooking clean up on all the key tackles, and their secondary has improved vastly, limiting the big plays when they are often left on man coverage due to Dallas' propensity to blitz. I'm hard-pressed to find a defense that is playing better right now, but the next month will of course be a HUGE challenge for the D and the whole team. Can Romo, Phillips, and Co. finally get over their December/January curse and win big games in cold weather?

- Wish that I had the NFL Network, but I don't so I missed the game, but WTF Giants?! Did Denver actually show up for a big game finally, or did you just lay a huge egg? There's obviously plenty of blame to go around, but the most disturbing number for me is Brandon Jacobs: 10 carries for 23 yards. What happened to the Giants football team that ran the football 25+ times a game for 150+ yards, ate up the clock and wore down defenses? This is the same Denver defense that got absolutely dismantled by San Diego last week.

- Still, Dallas has a murderous schedule to finish the season: @NYG, SD, @NO, @WAS, PHI, so the division is definitely still up for grabs, if the G-Men can rebound and win next weekend. Should be a fun game to watch, as Dallas-Giants battles are ALWAYS hard fought and come down to the last few minutes of the game.

Charles Woodson

If you missed the player insight just now on FOX, you missed a real treat. The man just put up a nice $2 million check to help fund research at a Michigan Children's Hospital, in addition to countless trips that he has made to the hospital since his days at Michigan, and has never gotten any publicity for. Just a great story, and nice to see one of those "quiet heroes" who don't want or crave attention, finally getting the recognition that they deserve. Also loved the kid that had the "I <3 nurses t-shirt". I'm right with you kid.

Attn: Ryan

"Till I Collapse" is the name of that Eminem song that I was talking about the other day. Finally found it, and yea I gotta say it's good fantasy football lineup setting music. Ohh and if Marion Barber burns me again today against the Raiders' atrocious run defense, I am going to take it out on you by swiftly kicking you in the nuts.

Things I'm Thankful For

- My family that has always been there for me
- My extended family i.e. pretty much everybody who reads my blog. Love you all!
- Real and fantasy football. Sigh have some tough sit/start decisions to make right now, and I'm procrastinating on them.
- Being healthy, thanks to the doctors and nurses at Pres. my home away from home
- The Hot Stove, reminding us that being a true baseball fan is a 24/365 job
- Music of pretty much every single genre because it's all awesome
- Pocket Fives Off Topic...the one stop shop for everything related to: sports, the random, hot chicks, and everything else.
- The United States of America, and the men and women past, present, and future, who have given/risked their lives to our freedom

Matthew Stafford

Google won't let me embed, but just click on the link, because this is absolute must watch youtubing imo. Thanks for the find OT! Not a Lions fan by any stretch of the imagination, but this kid absolutely showed me something, and has a very bright NFL career ahead of him, as soon as he can work his way out of Detroit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEaFYsKg-7c

I Would Like to Apologize

to the grammar and spelling Nazi's out there, because there have been a TON of spelling and grammatical mistakes in this week's posts, and trust me, they are bugging me as much as they are bugging you, but at the same time, there are too many for me to go back and correct every single one, because then it would mean that I am super OCD.

What a Fucking Weekend of Football This Should Be!

- It's beat the Bruins week! More posts on the USC-UCLA rivalry and my thoughts, memories, and experiences later in the week. Until then, all Bruin bashing will be welcome.

- Chiefs-Chargers is probably going to be on TV sunday afternoon. Hopefully watch the game around here with the whole gang, I know Morgan and Paige will be down. Both teams are playing well, and the Chiefs have been good on the road this year, so expect them to put forth a better effort than the last time these two teams met.

- All the Thanksgiving day games should suck, but just rooting for my fantasy teams, and I guess a Raiders-Cowboys 0-0 tie followed by hopefully "The Blind Side" with my friends for movie night.

- The Iron Bowl and the Backyard Brawl on Friday.

- Another great NFL Sunday, capped off by Pittsburgh-Baltimore at night, and the Monday Night game of the year down in the Big Easy.

Week 12 NFL Preview

Winners in bold: 12-4 last week, 84-43 for the season. Still steaming that I missed MNF this week, and that I lost in both of my main leagues. Still 9-2 and in first in my main league, but now 5-6 and need to win out and get help in my secondary league. Very very frustrating that my top two picks are hurt (Turner) and a bust (Barber), which is why I like drafting WR's earlier unless you can get MJD, AP, or CJ. RB's are so damn injury prone and you have to worry about time shares, whereas the top 5-10 receivers give you solid consistency with occasional blowup games.

The Thanksgiving games are going to be lol bad, although Detroit and Oakland have played better of late, but they still should get blown out, and Denver is on full collapse mode, and the Giants should have no problem getting to 7-4. Obviously the game of the week is New England-New Orleans on Monday night, but I'm also looking forward to Pittsburgh-Baltimore and Indy-Houston. Come on Chargers one time lay an egg and give the Chiefs three wins in a row.

Green Bay @ Detroit
Oakland @ Dallas
Giants @ Broncos
Miami @ Buffalo
Cleveland @ Cincinnati
Indy @ Houston
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
Washington @ Eagles
Panthers @ Jets
Seattle @ Rams
Jags @ 49ers
Chiefs @ Chargers
Bears @ Vikings
Cards @ Titans
Steelers @ Ravens
Patriots @ Saints

Names of Super Hawt Nurses

because I have no place else to jot them down, and am going to forget if I don't do this now, and want to remember their names so I can come back and bring them some flowers or something next week. Yea i know they're both married, but just want to be a nice guy, because there is seriously a 0% chance that I stay sane today without them, and they legitimately did care about me.

Rachel= blonde
Sandy= brunette

Going a Little CRAZY!!!!

And that's a lot coming from me, because I'm already fucking nuts in a good way of course.

- SO PISS ASS MOTHER FUCKING HUNGRY! This new round of jello better work because I am hurting.

- I can take the physical pain, that I'm used to and can deal with (natually b/c i am a non homo male), but it's the mind fucks that the hospial plays with you that always gets to me. The restrictions on your freedom, INSANE BOREDOM, impossibility of falling asleep, and most importantly all of the "not knowing" is guaranteed to drive even experienced vets like myself crazy.

- Now I remember why I never ever ever ever go to the hospital unless it is MAJOR pain. Something ALWAYS goes fucking wrong, it's just guaranfuckingteed. But, like I said earlier holy fuck all the nurses are such sexiness that it makes things a lot easier.

Random Hospital Observations

- Anasthesia/morphine highs are SO much more +EV than getting drunk
- I am totally 100% going to marry a nurse. They are all SOOOOO HAWT, nice, and legitimately care about other people. With all the bullshit they have to put up with from patients, loved ones, and doctors, there is no profession sans military/law enforcement that I have more respect for.
- Conversation after procedure #1:

Nurse: "Are you doing okay?"
Anastesia/Morphine fucked up marc1313: "Of course I'm okay, because you're here sexy nurse. You are so beautiful".

Luckily she was cool, and was also a die hard dodger fan, especially Ethier, loved Trojan football, was super awesome and fun to talk to all day, and no joke literally read my mind on a few occasions. Seriously, if she weren't married, I'd have already asked her to marry me.

- Had two other super hot nurses, one of whom I anasthesia/morphine hit on, and the other who was kind of a drinker, or at least used to be, and was able to in the sexiest way possible extract some of my drinking stories out of me.

You Know You're a Degen

when you're 4 tabling poker tournaments while in a hospital bed. Well, if I take one down, it'll make for one hell of a story.

Sunday in Review

- In case you haven't heard, CHIEFS WIN!
- The time period of 1:00PM PST to 1:25 PM PST was insane chaos, as SIX of the morning games came down to the final 2 minutes, and three of those games were decided on the final play of the game.
- The entire AFC North lost today, all in games that came down to the final 2 minutes. Just when I finally became a believer in the Bengals, they lay an egg against the Raiders, who actually have a chance to finish the season respectfully, now that they have FINALLY benched JaMarcus Russell.
- Wow Jay Cutler is LOL bad. Actually make that the entire Bears offense. Can't believe how far Matt Forte has fallen this season, and Memo to Bears OC: Get the football to Johnny Knox however you can, he is your best player and needs to get more touches.
- A couple of potentially huge injuries to keep an eye on, as Ben Roethisberger and Kurt Warner were both knocked out of the game today. David Garrard is probably the best waiver wire add if you own either of them, and fear they might miss a game or two, as he gets the generous pass defense of the Niners next week. Matthew Stafford isn't a terrible one week add either, as he gets the very injury plagued Packers defense who lost two more starters to injury this week. The Lions also figure to be down big early, and will probably be throwing a lot, so Stafford is the add in deeper leagues.
- I and all other Pierre Thomas owners are beginning to loathe the name: Mike Bell. Thomas continually drives the Saints all the way down the field, only to see Bell get the one yard goal line touches. Such epic bullshit.
- Bill Belichick is such a piece of shit. Throwing bombs up by 17 points with a minute left in the game is about as classless as you can get. Seriously hope that the Pats lose every game from here to eternity, and my hatred for them is approaching Cowboys/Raiders/Chargers level of hatred.
- Man the Colts are sickos, and I have no idea why Willis McGahee is getting goal line touches ahead of Ray Rice. That epic buffonery cost the Ravens the game.
- Saints might be sicker, and that Monday night game next week against the Pats is going to be fun fun fun hella fun to watch.
- My God the Washington Redskins did everything that they could to lose that game. Dallas' D is great, and Bobby Carpenter and Theo Ratliff are absolute monsters this year, but holy hell Deadskins please suck worse. Ohh and just because it won't get old, LOL Roy Williams.
- Chargers look great and unbeatable and despite Indy's perfect record, the Chargers might be playing the best football in the AFC right now. Of course, that being said, they'll probably, hopefully lay an egg against the Chiefs next week.

Kansas City Chiefs 27 Pittsburgh Steelers 24

The title says it all. So excited, as we've had a couple chances this year to pull off a huge upset only to fall one play short at the end, so it's great to see us seal the deal this time. <3 Jamaal Charles, I've been saying all year that he's our best back, and Chambers has made a real difference so far. Winning w/out Bowe makes it that much better, mad props to our defense for harrassing Big Ben all day, and forcing 3 turnovers. Hopefully this is the win that helps us turn the corner, finish the season strong (our schedule is very favorable and a 4-2 or even 5-1 finish isn't out of the question) giving us some momentum heading into next season. I love the direction that this team is headed in, and things will only get better. Improving our O-Line and linebacking corp needs to be the top priority this offseason, but we have the pieces, we've been competitive in all but two games, and in a weak division, I can see us making some noise maybe next year, but realistically a couple years from now.

Photography

- This has become a major problem, which the moderator can no longer ignore. His inability to be able to properly smile for a photograph has reached an embarrassing new low. Seriously if you are in possession of any photos of me in which I am smiling properly, and do not look like a giant jackass, please post them on facebook so that I can look less like a douche.

- For as bad as I am at being photographed, I am an amazing amateur photographer. Seriously, all my couple friends should be able to attest to the fact that I can capture a moment, the lighting, and all the other intangibles to near perfection.

"Three Times Two": A Murder Mystery Ending

The final chapter of my first little short story. Please let me know how I did, either in the comments section, or by telling me in person. Let me know what I did right, and more importantly what I did wrong, and how future short stories could be improved upon, so that I can produce a better quality product for you all. Should the chapters have been shorter/longer, more dialogue, less dialogue? More character development, more comedy, etc? I hope that you have all enjoyed the story, and look forward to "A Christmas Story", and "The 13 Days of Christmas" in the near future.

Chapter 5

January 1, 2010 Aspen, Colorado, 12:01am

As the clock strikes midnight and a new decade begins, Lynn the final survivor of Mike's destruction charges outside, knife in hand, planning to defend herself, and exact revenge on the man who systematically killed the love of her life, and three of her other closest friends. As she steps outside, the temperature is a sweltering 15 degrees, but the storm has let up somewhat, making it slightly more tolerable to be outside.

She cannot see Mike anywhere in sight, but is able to follow his footsteps in the snow, and follows them for a quarter a mile. Her mind races with a plethora of conflicting thoughts. While she is not a violent person, and would never want to hurt someone, she realizes that this man has killed four people, and will probably try and kill her if she doesn't stop him. Her mind races with thoughts of all the people that she has lost, and the images of their lifeless corpses, as she finally spots him leaned up against a tree with his head in his hands probably out of shame and regret for his actions.

Lynn knows that she will have to approach him quietly, and attack him from behind if she is to have a chance to survive this ordeal, as he surely has another weapon on him. She creeps into position, and then slowly approaches him, and when she gets into striking distance attacks with full fury. He sees her just before she attacks, and puts his hands up, trying to stop her, but it is too late, as she stabs him three times in the chest, before removing the knife. He never had a chance, and dies almost instantly.

She breaks down on the spot at what she had been forced into doing, and the entire ordeal itself. Eventually, she begins the short trek back to the cabin, where she collapses from exhaustion, having not slept in two days. A couple of days later the phone lines are back up and running, she calls the police, who take her statement, clean up the mess, release her, and take her to the airport, so that she can go back to Los Angeles and be with her family and deliver the tragic news to her friends' families.

January 8, 2010 Los Angeles, CA 8:00 am PST

After a week of grieving, Lynn readies herself to go the funeral of her friends. She remembers the note that Carrie gave her to give to James' parents. Her curiosity getting the best of her, she opens the letter, and reads it. The letter is dated December 30, 2009 9:00 PM.

Lynn,

Yes Lynn, because I knew you would open this; I got my first taste for murder when I was 18 years old, when I killed the burglar who had already killed my parents, and would have killed me had I not stopped him. For the next few years I dabbled in random vigilante killings, until that was not enough, and began killing people at random, and in all types of different ways. It's a disease, and no amount of killing could ever satisfy my thirst for it, and I knew that I had to put an end to it. I couldn't just go on a random shooting spree, but I had to plan the perfect murder, or series of murders, and pass my disease onto somebody else. But the only way I could make a killer out of innocent people, was to first kill everybody that they held dear to them. I chose you for a reason: because you are goodness personified, and have yet to be corrupted by the world, as I was before my first kill. While Mike is in fact going to kill me (knowing that I am the one) sometime in the next few days, it was I who killed your other three friends. If you're reading this letter, you followed through on my request, killed Mike, and are now a hero (as I was) but this letter will forever serve as a reminder that you killed the wrong man. Can you live with yourself knowing that you justifiably killed an innocent person, or will you turn to darkness as I did? I do hope that you are able to overcome this ordeal, and live a normal peace abiding life, but I so relieved that I will finally at long last be relieved of this burden, this sickness.

Carrie

Michigan-Ohio State

Outside of the Super Bowl, there is one sporting event (not involving any of my teams) that I have NEVER missed as long as I can consciously remember, and that is the annual gridiron meeting between The University of Michigan and The Ohio State University. USC-Notre Dame, Army-Navy, Alabama-Auburn, and Texas-Oklahoma, all have great histories, and all all great rivalries, but this is THE Rivalry in college football. There are so many reasons why I love this game, and here are just a few of them:

- The storied traditions of both programs, and the great players and coaches that have come through both schools
- The Stadiums: The Big House and the Horseshoe are two of college football's greatest venues, and each have played host to countless classic games.
- The Bands: "Hail to the Victors" and "Script Ohio" are two of the most recognizable fight songs, both schools have a great band, and there is just nothing cooler than watching the dotting of the "i".
- The significance: This game is almost always a key determinant in the Big 10 race, and often the National Title race, although Ohio State has already clinched a Rose Bowl berth this year, winning would lock them up sole possession of the conference, while a Michigan win would make them bowl eligible. So many times one of the teams has spoiled it's rivals National Title hopes by winning this game, and who can forget the epic #1-#2 game from 2006.
- While other rivals might hate each other more, at Michigan you ARE judged based on what you do against Ohio State and vice versa. Other rivals might make the same claim, but no other rivalry backs up the statement like this one does.
- The consistency: Whether at Ann Arbor or Columbus, it is always on the 3rd Saturday of November, starting at 9am PST on ABC.
- The Players: So many great players have gone through both schools, some unknowns have come out and shined in this game, who can forget Tim Biakabatuka, but usually the stas shine, and Heismans have been won in this game: Desmond Howard, Charles Woodson, and Troy Smith just to name a few.
- The Games: Throw out the records, and the past, because these games are always hard fought, hard nose, hard hitting, exciting football games. The game is starting in 6 hours, and I hope that you all enjoy it as much as I know that I will.

1st and Goal at the 9 yard line (Chick Story with Football Analogy)

Alright, so the one thing that I really thought that I would like about tonight, well aside from hanging out with awesome friends, was the fact that there would be tons and tons of horny single women there, and since the theatre was 21 and over, I'm thinking alright maybe hit up some chicks who after seeing a mushy gushy movie would be so aroused, that they'd hook up with just about any guy *raises hand*.

It felt like my defense had just forced a turnover, and I was taking over at my opponent's 9 yard line. As probably the one straight (although I'm starting to doubt that any guy who saw that movie is straight) guy in the whole theatre, it would be an easy score, and worst case scenario I would be able to score a "field goal". Well while waiting in line and checking out the local scenery, I realized that OMFG i do not want to score here. Even if I closed my eyes, I don't want to score a field goal here, much less a touchdown....ugly ugly ugly, annoying voice, talks to loud, annoying, uglier, etc. etc.

So anyways, with first and goal at the 9 yard line, in order to avoid a night that I would definitely come to regret, I instead elected to punt, because hey PuntingIsWinning.

A Movie Review: "New Moon"

- I feel like I moved 45 points up on the ghey scale for watching this
- I did owe the girls for dropping the ball on my last movie selection, so I guess I was forced to see this in a way
- Umm for the record I was also conned into seeing this film under the assumption that it was "not that ghey" and that there would be a lot of action: both of which could not be further from the truth
- tons of mushy gushy romantic shit
- even more emo slit my wrists shit...I mean come on stop crying already, and stop threatening to kill yourself, get back out there and go get some strange ffs.
- very very VERY annoying chicks sitting behind us
- ummm alright I mean it's bad enough that there are half naked guys throughout the whole movie, but where are the MOTHER FUCKING TITS! I mean I don't mean to sound crass, but that was absolutely ridiculous. Some of the secondary female characters were pretty hot, and we can't even get some cleavage, while 99% of the scenes featured half naked guys. This movie was seriously like the female version of Showgirls, and my eyes are still bleeding.
- Females: MUST SEE IMMEDIATELY! Take all your girlfriends and sit and giggle the whole movie I don't give a fuck.
- Males: DON'T SEE EVER IN TEN MILLION YEARS, no matter what your g/f threatens you with. If she says no sex until you watch it, then cruise on down to the Spearmint Rhino. I'll be there too, because I need to do like 10 million straight things to undo the gheyness of watching that film.

"Three Times Two": A Murder Mystery Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The River

December 30, 2009 Aspen, Colorado, 4:05 PM MST

As Mike spirals out of control, he charges towards Carrie and Lynn, demanding to know which of them is responsible for this, which they both adamantly deny of course, as they remind him that their significant others were killed as well, and they all begin pointing fingers at one another.

As the arguing and finger pointing continues, Lynn interrupts them: "Alright enough, STOP! All this bickering isn't going to get us anywhere. We've got what another day or two, before this storm will blow over, and we should be able to call the police. Until then, I say that we just make some sandwiches and snacks, lock ourselves in our respective rooms, with a knife to protect ourselves with, and we don't leave until then."


"No way, I'm staying here with you two. I'm out of here."

"Mike!" answers Lynn "It's 5 degrees outside, we're 10 miles from civilization, we're in the middle of one of the worsts storms of the year, and we have NO means of communication or transportation. Anyone who ventures out there, is not coming back. Now my idea isn't ideal, but if we stay together, the killer can just kill us in our sleep, at least this way we're somewhat secluded and protected."

"I can live with that idea" replies Carrie,

Mike still grieving, finally nods in agreement, as they all go down to the lobby, and make themselves a snack. No, they actually go to the kitchen, but I just couldn't resist quoting that old movie theater (bullshit google, it's spelled theatre, right?. help spelling Nazi's) line. Each of them grabs a steak knife for protection, and they walk up to their respective rooms one at a time, lock the doors (damn you leaps of logic problems, let's just say that each bedroom has it's own bathroom for the sake of making this easier to believe/explain)

December 31, 2009 11:45pm

The three remaining souls have been getting by for the past day and a half by eating sandwiches, reading one of the many novels in the house (while the phone lines and internet were out since the first day, all the power went out the night before, and they've been living off of candlelight, and constantly trying to get through to the police on both their cell phones, and the landline, but to no avail.

Lynn is halfway through "East of Eden" when she hears a high-pitched woman's scream, a brief scuffle, and then silence. She hears footsteps coming towards her door, as her's is the first one by the staircase, but the footsteps run down the stairs. She is terrified, and frightened at first, but finally works up the courage to leave the room. She grabs her knife, slowly creeps down the hallway: "Carrie?" she inquires "are you okay?" as she enters her room, and sees Carrie dead on her bed, with a knife sticking in her chest. Carrie is still alive, but barely, and whispers to Lynn: "It was Mike. Please don't let him get away with this. And Lynn"

"Yes Carrie"

"Give this to James' family. Tell them that I loved him very much" as she passes him a folded up and sealed note with her dying breaths.

"I will. I promise" Lynn answers. Lynn puts aside all of her fears, flashes back at the massacre of destruction that Mike has inflicted upon the people that she cares about most, bundles up, and chases outside after him into the dark stormy night, as the clock strikes midnight, ringing in the New Year.

Bread and Butter

Yeah I know what you're all thinking, what the fuck is going on here? For the past two weeks, this blog has flat out fucking sucked, lets not lie or beat around the bush, because it's true. I've tried to get all "dramatic" but let's face it it is not my fortay, and while the murder mystery will be completed this week, let's face it, the reason you all come here is to laugh, and laugh you will. So let's just start here, with random things that I hate:

- when there's one piece of pizza left (or fill in the blank for other food). Do you take the last piece and be "that guy", or do you stay hungry and let somebody else be "that guy"

- when I have to stop staring at the hot chick in the car next to me/walking, because I am driving...lets just say I've had my fair share of near accidents while checking out the local scenery

- Being too hot AND too cold. LOL Everybody Loves Raymond FTW!

- Getting blackout drunk, not remembering WTF happened the night before, and not knowing if your friends are fucking with you when they tell you all the ra tarded shit that you did the night before

- Being "that guy" that hyped up and picked a movie that ultimately was no bueno. Yea that's why I need to just trust rotten tomatoes, and not judge movies by their trailers.

- The NBA. Ha LOL Basketball.

- Seeing an item that I really want marked "on sale" at the grocery store, only to see that the item is sold out.

- Seeing a chick who looks really hot from behind or the side, but turns out to be a 4 or below when you see her face. It's like opening that Christmas present expecting a BB gun, and ending up with a sweater (yea i know the boxes would be wrapped differently fuckheads, but it's goddamn 3:00 am in the morning, I'm tired, I'm ranting and raving, and can't think straight. Yea alright I'll stop with the similes if you stop with the fucking inquisitions alright! FUCK!

RANDOM SHIT THAT I LIKE

- Taking that last piece of pizza and not feeling bad about it
- The Pouring Rain
- Driving with the windows down, regardless of weather conditions
- Hot chicks with a nice rack
- Getting blackout drunk, not remembering shit, yet waking up with no hangover. One Advil right before going to bed FTW! Then having your friends tell you all the awesome shit that you did the night before.
- Saying French words. I don't know why, but they're just cool to say.
- The suicide squeeze, straight steals of home, blitzing all night, and fullback screens.

12 Years Ago Today (Long and Self-Centered, but I'm Having a Shitty Night so STFU!)

Was my third open-heart surgery at Loma Linda Hospital. Here are things that I remember about that experience:

- The day before the procedure, after doing all the tests that I had to do, my parents took me to Scandia, which is AWESOME! Played some mini golf, arcade games, and rode the roller coaster, and then had dinner at TGI Friday's which was even more awesome.

- Spent the night at the Ronald McDonald house across the street from the hospital, and the Lakers had a game against the Jazz that night, but I can't remember who won.

- Slept like a baby, as it was the last night of my life, during which my voice was normal. For those of you who don't know, the reason my voice is all fucked up, is because during this surgery, my breathing tube ruptured my vocal cords. My voice used to be a lot worse, but speech therapy and time have made it better.

- VERY IMPORTANT: The last thing I remember before the anesthesia kicked in, was the D'Backs and Ray's expansion draft going on that morning. I remember being so concerned about which players the Dodgers were going to protect (even moreso than my operation) not realizing that both expansion teams would reach the World Series, and in the D'Backs' case win it all before the Dodgers did. Aww the joys of bleeding Dodger blue.

- Surgery went great, but dear God did I give the nurses hell that night when they wouldn't let me eat/drink anything but ice chips. I was walking around the same day as the surgery, ohh let me tell you about the surgery itself, since you probably don't know, it was just a simple valve transplant. One of my valves well to put it in marc1313 terms: "fucking sucks" so the pig valve that I had was replaced with a valve made of gortex (a kind of cloth) that has worked for me ever since.

- Two days later I got to go home, but not before they pulled my drainage tube, which for you guys out there, feels literally like someone is grabbing your nuts, and removing them from your body.

- The next day was the Michigan-Ohio State game where Charles Woodson went crazy and won himself a Heisman. Will never forget watching that game on my couch, sipping on some Top Ramen. Can't wait for this Saturday, as regardless of the records, there are few things in the sports world, that are better than waking up at 9am on the 3rd Saturday of November, turning on ABC, and watching "Hail to the Victors" meets "Script Ohio". Best rivalry in college football, and rivalry Saturday is one of the best days in the sports year.

- Had a week at home off of school, and did absolutely nothing but play N64 games until my eyes bled.

- Went back to school WAY too soon, but I tried being "a tough guy", was in major pain the whole time, every single day, got the whole pity treatment from the girls (which I guess is better than the OMG please go away treatment that I get now) and every guy in school began to master the art of imitating my voice. Most of them were pathetically awful, but one guy Dennis, forget his last name, but he was the only kid in school smaller than me, mastered my voice imitation, and for that I gave him his props.

Please Ignore this Post as the Moderator is Just Ranting Nonsense

I really really wish that I hadn't started this whole murder mystery thing, because it is causing me great frustration. I just wrote pretty much all of part 4, and then deleted it, because it was epic garbage. I really really do not like part 3, and thought that 4 and 5 were the strongest parts, but am beginning to reconsider. Holy Christ I'm probably just overthinking well no I'm definitely overthinking this way too much, but I really want to churn out the best piece possible. ARGHHH!!! Just need to do one of these: UWIOEJRLFSKDHLJJFO;WL9R8[20QU845RUJIKMFGVNJFD'GJLKB]WUTFWJTUGF9OWH8THPHUEWITGJIWAIJTJE

"Three Times Two": A Murder Mystery Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Turn

December 30, 2009 Aspen, Colorado, 6:25 MST

The four remaining cabin occupants are still in a state of shock at Sam's deceased body: "No this isn't happening. He did NOT do this" Lynn cries out, as the other three try and console her, "Why would he do this, he didn't even leave a note" she continues.

"That makes absolutely no sense" adds Kathleen, "he was fine last night, and with the little speeches that we all gave, I can't believe that he would do this either". "God two of them, two of the best guys..." and she can't help herself any longer and joins Lynn in total hysteria and mourning.

"and look at the stand that he used to prop himself up" continues Carrie to Mike, "it's tucked neatly away in the corner, if he was standing on it, wouldn't he kick it away, and wouldn't it be loose in the room, instead of tidily stored away".

"Something just isn't right here. I mean Sam loved James, but he would never do this, EVER!" continues Lynn

"Guys come on, this place is driving you all crazy, do you understand what you're suggesting...that there's a mystery killer on the loose hunting us down one by one?" Mike suggests, as he weeps over the fact that he has now lost his two best guy friends.

"Or, that one of us is the killer?" Kathleen says.

They shrug off the idea, and begin to move Sam's body downstairs to the walk in freezer, to store it with James' for preservation, as the weather is still far too treacherous for them to even step outside, yet alone leave their quarters. They open the freezer, and discover something that greatly unsettles them: James' face is greatly contorted and distorted, and it appears that he has been the victim of a gross post-morten violation, probably poisoned.

"Ohh my God" exclaims Lynn, as the rest of the group shares in similar reactions over the discovery. Mike examines the body further, and realizes that James did not die of alcohol poisoning, "girls, he was murdered" and I really think that Sam was as well. There's something very wrong going on here."

The girls are shudder in terror, and Kathleen cuddles up close to Mike for protection. Lynn and Carrie already having lost their men, and now in fear for their lives being to panic.

"Alright girls, calm down, calm down, the most important thing to do here is to not panic. Now, Lynn, are there any other cabins nearby, or any way we could get help."

"No, this is the only cabin or quarters within 10 miles, it's been in Sam's family for 100 years."

"So the killer HAS to be in this house".

"Yes"

"Well then we need to search every inch of this house from top to bottom, to try and find out who is doing this to us".

Lynn helps them search the entire premises from top to bottom, inside and outside, and there are no signs, no clues that anybody is there except for the four of them, leading them to the ultimate conclusion, that one of them is responsible for these deaths. They all begin to panic, and as the day wears on, the girls, especially Kathleen begin to lose their nerve and their heads:

4:00 PM MST

"Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm out of here, because I don't trust any of you anymore" proclaims Kathleen.

"Come on sweetie you're acting crazy"

"Are you coming with me or not" she asks.

"No baby we can't go anywhere, the storm..."

"Fine, then I'll go by myself" as she grabs the car keys by the front door, puts on her coat, and rushes outside, to leave. Mike chases after her, but she is already in the car, and when she starts the car, there is a massive explosion, and Mike has to back off to avoid the burst of flames, before chasing in after her. By the time, he gets to her, her body is burnt beyond recognition, and he loses total control breaking down in a fit of hysteria, sorrow, and rage.

The DMV vs. The Doctor's Waiting Room

Obviously two places that you don't want to find yourself, but lets break it down.

The DMV

- Does not believe in the concept of honoring appointment times, or proper scheduling
- Defines the phrase "piss poor service"
- Very very unattractive people working there, and even uglier people who are fellow "customers"
- Talk about being treated like another number
- With all that being said, you're going there to get something. In other words, you're going to be better off when you leave than when you got there, well unless you make major Asian driving errors and fail your test

The Waiting Room at the Doctor's Office

- Rarely if ever honor your appointment time
- Filling out the billion questionnares reminds you of what an unhealthy slob you are, and how you're going to die of X,Y, and Z within the next 10 years.
- Good selection of magazines
- Is counteracted by the 29438809 little kids running around, coughing, sneezing, yelling, and screaming, hitting anything and everything in sight, and then having massive temper tantrums when their parents mercifully do something about it. Hillary, and all parents: I don't know how you do it, because I can't stand being around kids for more than 5 minutes.
- Some of the receptionists are cute, but others are very bitchy (although I would be too if I had to deal with kids, grumpy old people, the sick, and ra tards all day) so that's kind of a wash.
- The best thing that can happen when you go to the doctor's office is that the status quo remains the same, i.e. you're not dying. Nothing can be gained, but everything can be lost, so for that reason I'm giving my vote to the DMV.

NFL Week 11 Preview

This week's slate of games has some major duds, as well as a few very intriguing matchups between desperate teams fighting for wild card spots. The showcase game of the week will be in Denver as the 6-3 Broncos take on the 6-3 Chargers in a game that may very well determine the division's winner. The Pats will look to all put lock up the AFC East against the Jets, but the game I am most looking forward to ironically enough is the Monday Night game, between the Titans and Texans. Not so much for the teams, but to see the matchup between Chris and Andre Johnson. In their week 2 matchup, these two playmakers combined for well over 400 total yards, and 5 Touchdowns. No player in the NFL is hotter right now than Chris Johnson, and both defenses have been porous at times this year, so it should be an entertaining game, although a fucking soccer game could beat the slop that we saw this Monday.

Winners in Bold: 9-6 last week, 72-39 for the season

Dolphins @ Panthers
Steelers @ Chiefs
Redskins @ Cowboys
Browns @ Lions
49ers @ Packers
Colts @ Ravens
Bills @ Jaguars
Seahawks @ Vikings
Falcons @ Giants
Saints @ Bucs
Cardinals @ Rams
Chargers @ Broncos
Jets @ Patriots
Bengals @ Raiders
Eagles @ Bears
Titans @ Texans

Best of the Best In the Restaurant World

Breakfast Burrito (fast food): Carl's Jr. Bacon and Egg Burrito

Overall Breakfast Experience: IHOP and it's not even close.

WORST Overall Breakfast Experience: Denny's, unless you like horribly slow service, lousy food, and human blood in your water

Appetizer: Gladstone's Clam Chowder AND Red Lobster's Biscuits

Salad: LOL

Sandwich: Turkey something at Panera

Fast Food Burger: In N Out

Non Fast Food Burger: Ruby's (the sit down place with the 50's theme and cute waitresses) Bacon Cheesburger

French Fries: McDonalds

Value Menu: Wendy's gets the nod over Burger King, because hot damn I love those frosties. That was like my main diet after my splenectomy when I couldn't eat my usual foods due to dietary restrictions.

Overall Restaurant Experience: Benihana/Chomps

Menu Selection: The Cheseecake Factory because they have like 40329884 different menu items, all of which are absolutely delectable.

Mexican: King Taco lDO

Italian: Mamma's (On Imperial just east of the 57. Pizza really good, pasta really good, musician playing at night really good). Maybe there's somewhere with slightly better food, but this is my favorite place to go for Italian.

"Three Times Two": A Murder Mystery Chapter 2

In case you haven't read the blog at all this week, I'm writing a 5 part murder mystery this week, and part 1 can be found a few posts below, so read that one first obviously. Wasn't in the zone last night, so I guess I'll just write two parts tonight instead. Hopefully this chapter goes better than the first one, which was not good, I always have a hard time starting my pieces, but get better as the story and the characters develop a life of their own.

CHAPTER 2

December 29, 2009 Aspen, Colorado, 7:15am MST

"I can't believe he's gone" weeps Carrie as she looks over James' lifeless body.

"What the hell happened last night?!" demands Mike to the three guests who were up late drinking with him.

"I don't remember anything after my first few shots" replies Carrie, as Samuel and Lynn nod in agreement that they all had WAY too much to drink, and James took it too far.

"Well how the hell did he end up in the living room?" asks Kathleen, "I mean nothing around here is broken, so he obviously just passed out, but why was he in here, and not in the bar, or the bedroom?"

"Sweetie. It's James, I mean I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but he wasn't exactly the best decision maker when he was drunk". answers Mike.

They continue discussing the events of the past night, but fail to come up with any more answers, as the storm outside continues to fall at a ferocious rate, and the group realizes that they are going to have to wait a few days before returning to civilization.

"We should call his family" says Lynn.

"Can't" Samuel retorts, the phone lines are dead, and well of course we're not going to get any cell service up here. I can't even get online right now, to check the weather reports".

"I caught the news before we left. It said the storm is going to hang around until New Years, so it looks like we're stuck here. What are we going to do him him? His body I mean" Carrie chimes in.

"There's a walk in freezer in the basement, where we have some emergency supplies stored. I guess we could store the body there for a few days to help preserve it." Sam answers.

The guys carry James' body downstairs, as the girls all begin to lose it, and when the guys come back upstairs, they try and calm the girls down, but they begin to lose it too, as the realization that their friend is dead finally begins to settle in. Lynn prepares a meal for everybody "chicken and shrimp pasta, it's what he would have wanted us to have", and they share their favorite James stories, with Carrie reaching near hysteria.

"I just can't believe it. He was the best guy, the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. With him, I felt safe, every other guy I've ever been with has hurt me, but I knew that he would never do that. He was...the one."

"Hey Carrie..." adds Kathleen, "he felt the same way about you. Before he met you, he was the most anti-couple, anti-marriage wreck of a man you could find, but you gave him happiness, you gave him peace"

"You gave him the six best months of his life, and he wouldn't have traded them for another 100 years of living without you" chimes in Lynn.

As the day goes by, the group tries everything they can to keep themselves occupied, and prevent themselves from going crazy. They try to engage in other activities that James would have wanted them to do: playing board games, having conversations about anything and everything random, enjoying a wide variety of unhealthy foods, but abstaining from drinking because of the obvious connection.

Over a dinner of clam chowder, bacon cheeseburgers, and fries, Lynn makes an announcement: "James was always saying that people tell people how they feel all the time, so I want to tell each one of you here right now, how I feel: "Carrie, I've only known you for a few months, but you've instantly become one of my best friends, and I hope that we stay friends forever. Kathleen: You've been one of my best friends for a long time, and I've cherished all the great times that we've had together, and Mike: I can't imagine a more perfect match for Kathleen than you. You're a great husband, and the two of you are an inspiration to us all. And finally, Sam: You are the love of my life, and I can't imagine not having you in my life. I love you with every ounce of my being..." Sam stops her there, and they share a passionate kiss, as the rest of the group begins telling the rest of the group how they feel about each other tearfully.

After dinner, they all tired from a stressful and emotional day, retire to bed for the evening. Not wanting to force Carrie to spend the night alone, Sam finds some old sleeping bags, and the entire group spends the night together in the living room.

December 30, 2009 6:15 MST

Mike is the first person to awaken, and hazily walks up to go to the restroom. When he approaches, the door is closed, so he waits a few minutes, and after waiting long enough, he finally knocks on the door and nobody answers. He knocks a couple more times, and then says: "Alright I'm coming in" but the door is locked. He continues knocking, and then walks back to the living room, searching for an answer. He sees that Sam is not there, and starts to worry about Sam's condition, and the girls now very worried, urge him to knock down the door.

He does so, and when he pushes through, they all see Sam's lifeless body hanging from a noose. Lynn in near hysteria props him down, and hopelessly attempts CPR, but to no avail, and the rest of the group loses control as well, joining her in disbelief and mourning.

Top 5 Christmas Gifts for Women Under $100

There's like a 100% chance that at least one of these gifts will unbeknownst to me cost over $100, but ehh I have no girlfriend, so that's not my concern.


#5- A gift card to Souplantation. Every woman, even the ones that weigh under 100lbs. seem to think that they're obese pigs, so why not set them on the right track?
#4- A mixed tape. Well it seems to work in all those romantic comedies and sitcoms, so I imagine that it works in real life as well. Just make sure to double check before starting. You don't want to be rewriting over the disk that holds an epic sporting event, or one of your favorite movies, and you (THIS PART WAS edited because well yea moving on) Cliffs Notes: DON'T FUCK UP!
#3- All that cosmetic shit.
#2- Gift cards to any sort of shopping place. Just gives them an excuse to go to the mall, and hey you win too, because you'll have a few hours of free time, well unless they're the type that makes you go with them, in which case DO NOT DO! Find another gift, unless cinnabons and the Nordstrom's piano guy are enough of a distraction to take your mind off of the pain.
#1- Any and I mean any kind of jewelry. From my experiences, jewelry to women is like the television on NFL Sundays to men. Throw some of it at them, and they're going to be happy, show it off to everybody, and just get all crazy excited, although I have no idea why. It's just a piece of plastic.

Top 5 Christmas Gifts for Guys Under $100

We're pretty easy to shop for, but for those of you women who try and complicate the simple, and overthink everything, I'm going to lay it out for you in plain English.

#5- Tickets to some sporting event. A big basketball or hockey game, or Baseball's opening day will all put a smile on any guy's face.
#4- Some peace and quiet every Saturday and Sunday in the month of January.
#3- A 12 pack of our favorite beer
#2- A new sports jersey. If we already have a home jersey of our favorite team, get us the away jersey, or perhaps a jersey of a different player, any jersey really suffices here. We're not finicky.
#1- Sex, and hey it's free (well I guess it could go over the $100 price range), well not technically, but ohh boy I'm going to get in a lot of trouble if I keep talking, so I'll just cut myself off there. Well except for, ohh no I don't want to open that can of worms either, am I still talking? Where's the mute button on my keyboard, I really wish I could locate it right now. Alright, shut up Marc, and end this post NOW!

5 Best Christmas Songs

No explanations, just personal preferences, I'll probably omit one or two that deserve to be on the list, but ohh well.

#5- Grandma got runover by a Reindeer
#4- Winter Wonderland
#3- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
#2- White Christmas
#1- Angels We Have Heard on High

The Playbook

- Yea I think I and all other single guys out there need to get their hands on Barney's playbook. The scuba diver play was absolutely pure genius. Great to see the real Barney back, and hopefully this is a permanent play, at least until maybe the end of the series, just to give his character some closure

- Two and a Half Men was beyond hilarious tonight. That is 100% me most of the time, and lolz yea if you ever need to get rid of a woman, I am totally the man for the job. Nothing scares women away more than: desperate, lonely, horny, and pathetic.

- The Big Bang Theory actually might have been the best episode of the night. So hysterical to see the guys high as a kite after eating their special cookies. The Wolowitz cousin story better become a recurring joke on the show, one that will never get old. Sheldon and Penny is the best relationship on the show, and their interaction at the hospital was arguably the best scene in the show's tenure.

All in all, bravo CBS Monday Night on a job well done.

Ranking the Jessica's Series Finale

Gold Medal (1st Place): Jessica Alba

- Because a picture tells a thousand words
- If you've seen Sin City, then it should be pretty obvious why she's the winner
- If you haven't seen Sin City, then rent it immediately. Awesome film with an all-star cast and three separate yet somewhat interweaving storylines. Plenty of eye candy for the guys (OMG the parole officer chick is a fucking 10!), and let's see how can I say this in the most ungay way possible, there are male actors in the movie whom female viewers would probably find attractive

"Three Times Two": A Murder Mystery Chapter 1 of 5 (Please Read the Post Below First)

December 28, 2009 Aspen, Colorado 3:00pm MST

Six 20 something year old people are driving up the mountains, to a secluded cabin in the Rockies for a week long vacation of winter sports, drinking, relaxing, and ringing in the New Year completely secluded from civilization. Driving their suburban up the rugged terrain to the lodge is the son of the cabin owner Samuel (Sam), along with his girlfriend of several years Lynn. Sitting in the captain's chairs is long time friend of Samuel and Lynn: James, and his new girlfriend of a few months, Carrie. Finally, in the back seats, are long time friends of the gang: Michael (Mike) and his newly wedded wife Kathleen, who makes no secret of the fact that James really should have let her sit in his captain's chair: "Mikey are you going to tell him or should I?". "Sweetie," he replies "just relax we're on vacation". "No he's still an ass!" she snaps angrily back at him.

James perplexed as to what is going on, asks Kathleen: "Are you talking to me WOMAN!"

"“Hey” retorts Carrie, “don’t call her Woman, sweetie. How many times must I tell you! That’s not nice, now apologize to her, and switch seats with her, because that’s what she wants”

“What? How do you know…”

“No buts! Just do it” Carrie snaps back in rapid fire motion

“Alright, fine, but only because I love you” as James and Kathleen switch seats.

Sam and Lynn chuckle quietly but loud enough for the rest of the car to hear.

“Something funny?” James asks them

“Nothing” Lynn retorts as she continues chuckling

“What ever happened to Mr. No chick is ever going to tell me what to do bro?” Sam asks, as it becomes increasingly obvious that Carrie is already on good terms with the rest of this tight knit group, and that James was a former “anti-couple” guy turned super whipped bitch.

“Hey have you noticed how hot she is” replies James referring to Carrie.

“Aww thanks” answers Carrie, “but you’re still sitting in the back bitch”. The entire group bursts out into hysterical laughter at James’ expense.

The rest of the drive up continues on without much incident, although the weather becomes exponentially worse as they continue the drive up the mountain, and further into the mountains. The gang arrives at their secluded cabin, and settles into their different rooms. The two-story cabin features a very spacious living room, a nice kitchen, a full bar, and four bedrooms upstairs, with each of the three couples occupying a bedroom, and the guys setting up their Xbox and PS3 systems in the 4^th bedroom. By the time they are all finished unpacking, and the girls are all finished doing all that girly girl bullshit, it is nearly 8 pm, and everyone is tired from a long day of travel, relaxing having a drink or two in the bar, and snacking on potato chip sandwiches that James prepared for them all.

“Dude James bro. I’m not going to lie, these sandwiches are fucking amazing” Sam tells him

“I second that” adds Lynn, as the rest of the group nods in agreement.

“I’m telling you guys. All those years of being single and alone made me the master of the late night snack. But now I have my Carrie, and she’s the only late night snack that I need” as the two of them chuckle together in total puppy love agreement.

“Ohh God” replies Kathleen “get a room James”

“Get a room? Now you guys know how I felt all these years, when it was just me and you vomit inducing couples! I mean at least she (Carrie) is hot, I don’t know what you guys see in these women!”

“Hey! Don’t talk to my wife that way” retorts Mike, and he and James quickly get into a scrum, and wrestle/fight each other for several minutes. By the time that they are done fighting, it is evident that Mike and Kathleen are both tired, and they say their goodbyes and retire for the night. James already pretty buzzed tries to stop them, to no avail. James, Carrie, Sam, and Lynn continue to keep drinking and talking well into the night, drinking a wide assortment of drinks, and taking shots of all sorts of crazy concoctions that Sam thinks up.

December 29, 2009 7am MST

Carrie wakes up to an empty bed, and in a semi drunken haze. She realizes that she is alone in her bed, and walks out of the bed in search of James. She searches the bathroom, and kitchen, and cannot find him. Finally, she stumbles upon him in the living room, lying face down on the floor with a bottle of scotch laying next to him. She tries to wake him up, but does not succeed: “Come on wake up bitch” she pleads, but he lies motionless. She tries shaking him, and nothing is working, as he remains motionless. She starts screaming at him to wake up, at which point the rest of the gang hears her and rushes downstairs. They check his pulse, and realize that their dear friend James is dead of an overdose of scotch, beer, and Jaegerbombs, or so it seems at the time.

A Murder Mystery Preview

Want to try something new, different, and exciting, so I'm going to write one chapter each day for the next 5 days, concluding with the grand finale on Thursday night. I actually don't think I've ever written dramatic fiction before (so the first couple parts might be poorly written, but I should get better as the week goes on), and comedy and commentary are definitely my stronger suits, but this sounded like a great idea the other night, and I want to follow through. Holy fuck this is going to take a long time to write (still brainstorming on Word), so excuse me while I go make myself a drink....Ok I'm back, let's see a few other things I wanted to say before we get started: (1) some parts may be longer than others, depending on the flow of the story, what I think is important, etc. etc. (2) I have no idea if I'm going to leave clues as to the killer's identity or not, I probably will but I doubt that there will be anything obvious. I always liked movies where the story is so great, that the killer's identity becomes of secondary performance, and that is one of my goal's here. (3) I promise there are going to be no ra tarded super human people coming back to life/alien crazy shit/any other insane stupid shit that Hollywood tries to pass off as drama these days. All the characters will be real, and human. I hope that you enjoy, and if this goes well, look for more of the same in the near future. (4) Every good writer knows that your aim should be to "show" rather than to "tell", but for the sake of condensing these chapters into a short enough window that you will all want to/have time to read them, and for the sake of my sanity, I will do a lot of "telling" here, and for you writing Nazi's out there, I apologize in advance.

Colts-Pats Game Review

This game definitely deserved it's own post, and hell yes did it live up to the hype. Everyone will be talking about the call, and I'll get to that in a bit, but there are a few other things that I want to discuss first.

- Randy Moss is the best receiver in the NFL hands down, and it's not even close. Blazing speed, an insane vertical reach, and the size and strength to shield off defenders and outleap them for jump balls, all make this man the best wideout in the game. I actually don't mind the fact that he single handedly beat me in my main fantasy league, because it is actually fun just to watch him play football (even though I hate the Pats).

- Any doubt as to who the NFL's MVP is this year, should now be laid to rest. Even on an "off night" where he threw two picks, and Indy had several dropped balls, and was out of synch in the 1st half, Peyton Manning still ends up throwing for over 300 yards, 4TD's, and lead an amazing comeback. Just a sick sick human being who makes late round/undrafted free agents like Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie look like Pro Bowlers.

- Before everyone jumps all over Belichick and the Pats D, lets not forget Lawrence Maroney's inexplicable fumble at the 1 yard line, when the Pats had a chance to put the game away early in the 4th quarter.

Alright, now on to the call. I 100% agree with Belichick's call, I thought it was the right decision at the time, and I still do, and here are my arguments:

(1) The Pats D was gassed, and aside from the two uncharacteristic turnovers, the Colts absolutely moved the ball at will against them the entire 2nd half. The 40 or so net punt yards they would have gained would have vanished within 3 plays imo.

(2) Aside from their two turnovers, the Colts hadn't stopped Brady and Co. the entire game. My only problem with the call, was the intended target. Welker is so fucking deadly and unstoppable on those quick slant routes, and the play should have gone to him, or a quick out/fade to Moss who had man coverage on the play (I thought they were going to Moss for sure) because let's face it, single coverage against Randy Moss is just not going to end well for the defense.

(3) Failure to get the 1st down doesn't automatically lose you the game, but getting the 1st down does guarantee you a win. If Addai had scored on that 10 yard rush, the Pats would have got the ball with about a minute left, and still had a chance to win.

(4) YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME! Putting the game in the hands of Tom Brady is NEVER a bad decision in my opinion, and is surely better than sitting back, punting, and praying that your tired, banged up, overmatched defense finds a way to stop one of the top 3 quarterbacks in the history of the NFL.

What a Great Day of Football

- CHIEFS WIN! CHIEFS WIN! CHIEFS WIN! Led by Jamaal Charles (who I've been saying all season is a better back than LJ), the Chiefs get their second win of the season at Oakland. Of course it wasn't a pretty win, but a W is a W, and we better enjoy it now, because next week we're going to get an angry Steelers team, that is sure to take a lot of this week's frustration out on us.

- The Cincinnati Bengals are for real! Their defense played an OUTSTANDING football game, constantly harassing Big Ben, and their corners did a terrific job of locking down Pittsburgh's receivers, often times on man coverage because of Cincy's blitzing schemes. They now have a stranglehold on the AFC North, owning all the tiebreakers, and having three straight cupcakes on the schedule.

- Kudos to Maurice Jones-Drew for putting the team ahead of himself (and his pissed off fantasy owners) on the last drive. In case you missed it, his team was down by 1 with a minute left, and the Jets had no timeouts. He broke free from about the 10 yard line, and rather than score and give the Jets time to comeback, he took a knee at the 1 yard line, setting up a PAT like GW field goal with no time remaining. WP MJD, and just a devastating loss for the Jets, who could have moved to within a game of the Pats with a win today.

- HOLY CHRIST Chris Johnson is unreal. Just another 200+ yard, 2TD, 30+ fantasy point day. Yawn.

- Kudos to the Rams and Lions for giving the Saints and Vikes respectively a run for their money. Just goes to show that anything can happen on Any Given Sunday

- I don't care if Chris Simms (fellow splenectomy survivor), JaMarcus Russell, or Mickey Mouse is at quarterback, how do you lose to the Redskins, Denver? You got a nice lead early on two Brandon Marshall TD's where the cheerleaders were closer to tackling him than anyone in Washington's secondary, and then melted down in the 2nd half. Check out the highlight of Washington's fake punt TD. Their punter have just have the best arm on the team. Next week's Denver-San Diego game will be huge, and while Denver appears to be collapsing, you just never know when Norv Turner and Co. are going to just give a game away.

- The 1st half of the Dallas-Green Bay game was an utter disgrace to the game of football. Tom Landry and Vince Lombardi must have been rolling over in their graves. The only thing more inept than Roy Williams is Green Bay's offensive line. It is unimaginable how Aaron Rodgers continues to be the #1 rated fantasy quarterback, or better yet how he is alive with the amount of hits that he takes every week. And ohh God don't get me started on the penalties. Ugly ugly game, but the NFC East just got a lot more wide open, as each of the top three teams has had chances this year to seize control, but all have refused to take it.

Ranking the Jessica's Part 2 of a 3 Part Series

2nd place (Silver Medal): Jessica Simpson

- Her ditzyness can be forgiven because she is freakin smokin
- I think it was the Dukes of Hazzard movie where she really showed the world how hot she can be...correct me if I'm thinking of a different movie
- Just an aside, I'm really digging her hair in this pic

5 Strong Indicators that A Chick Will Be Hot

Getting set up on a blind date? Does your buddy keep raving about some really hot chick he met? Now of course there are always going to be exceptions, but here are some good indicators that you have a hottie!

(1) She is half-Asian, half-some other race. Mixed-race chicks in general are hotter than average, but half-Asians absolutely take the cake as SF Hawt!

(2) Her first name is: Kelly, Jill, or should end in "y", but instead ends in "i". Credit to Barney Stinson on the last one, but it's so true. It's like they feel that they have to make up for the "i" by being extra hot.

(3) She has naturally curly hair. Not the crazy all over the place curly, or the fake she went to the salon and had her hair curled, but chicks who have natural mildly curly hair get a slight nod over their straight haired counterparts.

(4) She has a sexy voice. Chicks with radiant personalities, and free spirits, just exude that awesomeness in their voice, hence making them sound hot, and in their looks. They just look hotter than chicks who are bleh, and are no fun sticks in the mud.

(5) She works at Hooters (going to exclude strip clubs, because there are plenty of strippers who are *WOOF WOOF*).