Friday, July 10, 2009


If you're actually reading this, congratufuckinglations, you're probably the only person who actually reads my fucking blog. You are going to be entertained with the one story that I have forever been afraid to tell, because it hurts too much, but which I'm going to spill now because it's been a really shitty night, and I want to reward my loyal subscribers.

The setting is my Junior Year of High School, and I was a miserable wreck because the girl that I had been infatuated with for the past 3 years had pretty much rejected me. We went to the Winter Formal Dance together, but when I asked her out again, she turned me down, so needless to say I was a fucking mess. I had never gotten so much as an A- in my life before in my life, but that semester, my grades were a bunch of B's and a C. It wasn't the girl's fault, let's call her "Melanie", I mean she just wasn't into me, and lets face it, I'm a pretty ugly mother fucker.

Anyways so the semester is going by, and my friends, and everyone else are trying to help me pull it together, when this wonderful woman whom I had known for the past 6 years, but never really "noticed" because I had been hung up on "Melanie" starts to become good friends with me. She laughs at all of my jokes, even the really bad ones, always has the perfect thing to say to me, shares great conversations with me, and always has a smile on her face. That smile, words cannot describe how perfect and beautiful her smile was, let's call her "Jennifer". It could make even the toughest of the tough guys cringe and bring them to their knees. "Jennifer" was absolutely beautiful, and despite the fact that she didn't like sports, and we had absolutely nothing in common, I cannot imagine a woman who was more perfect for me. I could be myself around her, and we could talk about anything, but most importantly was the way she made me feel. When I was with her, I felt like I was on top of the world, the coolest guy in the world. Most of you who are in strong relationships will probably say I'm just being a fucking idiot, but believe me when I tell you that the bond that "Jennifer" and I had was very strong and it was true love.

So we become pretty good friends, but I never tell her how I feel about her. Our final week of high school comes around, and I am determined to express my feelings, but for whatever reason, the scared 18 year old in me is unable to do, perhaps because of my past failures, or just because I'm a scared little bitch. Time went by, and I saw her a couple of times, but each time was an inopportune time, where I didn't really have a chance to say how I felt for a variety of reasons. I'm somewhat of a spiritual person, but I usually pray for other people, and VERY RARELY for myself, but this time, I prayed to God that I could just have one more chance to see "Jennifer", and tell her how I felt.

Well God granted me that wish about a year or so ago. I was in the parking lot of the library right by my house, preparing to rent a couple of movies for my poker session for that day, and there I saw "Jennifer" and my heart lept. I felt alive for the first time in a very long time. We talked for a while, caught up, and eventually I mentioned something about trying to get together for drinks or something, and she mentioned her husband.

Needless to say this absolutely destroyed me. We concluded our conversation in a standard and civilized fashion, hugged good bye, and I will probably never see her again. I guess the lesson to be learned here is to you people who are in a committed relationship: DON'T FUCK SHIT UP. You have no idea how lucky you are to have somebody who loves you. To those of you single people out there: Seize the Day, and don't ever let fear dictate your life, as it did mine.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about "Jennifer". I may not know much about relationships and love, but I know without a doubt that she was the "one" for me. While I am hurt, I take solace in the fact that she has found someone who loves her unequivocally. Good luck people, and thanks for reading.

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