Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Things that are Un-American

- Domed Football Stadiums. Football is meant to be played outdoors in the elements. MAN UP!
- Leaving a baseball game early
- Not knowing the words to the National Anthem. This was the 1st song I ever learned, but I mean come on FFS learn your country's anthem.
- Rooting for the country of your ancestors against the USA in an international sporting event. You live in America, you are an American, love your country and the freedoms and opportunities that it affords you! There's a reason that your ancestors left the shitty ass country that they came from.
- Not voting. Alright I'll kill your all arguments right now: (1) if you don't like either party, then vote for a 3rd party that does fit your belief system. (2) Yea I don't understand why they hold elections on a Tuesday, but you can always vote via absentee ballot on your free time so that you don't run out of time. Stop with the excuses, if you don't vote, its because you don't want to which is your right, but if you don't vote, you have no right to complain about anything ever.

Underrated Gems

- The Women of the Food Network, esp. Giada, Rachel Ray, and OMG Nigella Lawson who wins the MILF of the millenium award in a landslide
- Airplane Entertainment (other than checking out the hawt stewardesses)
- Buffalo Wild Wings
- Yuengling (Beer)
- Climate-Controlled rooms
- Playing Poker against drunk people
- Playing Poker while drunk
- Playing Poker against drunk people while drunk

Reverse Playbook: "The Bad Tip"

Failure Rate: 100%
Turns Off: Chicks who way hotter than you
Requirements: A pen
Prep Time: None
Upside: If she mistakenly thinks that somebody else left her the number you may have a chance to get lucky,

THE PLAY: Go to a restaurant. Order your food, maybe make a lame joke or two to the waitress who is way out of your league. When you get the check, tip her too much, and leave your name and number with some lame comment about her looking good and asking her to call you. Unless she's blind or insatiably horny, she'll keep the first tip and ignore the second.

The Reverse Playbook

So I was reading "The Playbook" (thanks Eric) by Barney Stinson. BTW I highly recommend this to all single guys and lesbian women as an excellent tool for picking up chicks. But what I realized is that there are plenty of tools/books/tricks out there that help guys get laid. But there is a gross lack of tools for how NOT to get laid, or what NOT to do around women. While some of these pathetic attempts might strike gold once in a blue moon, they will more often than not result in you having less currency and/or alone and watching porn later that night. So beginning today, I will still start a series detailing the past failures of yours truly as well as other failures that I have witnessed first hand. The names will be changed to protect the unlaid.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Kansas City Chiefs 2010 Regular Season Review

10-6 and AFC West Champions! Not even the most optimistic of Chiefs fans could have forecast this before the year began. While getting swept by the Raiders is the pits, and that performance in SD was disgraceful, we made the playoffs and they did not. How did we get there? We took care of business against the bad teams, notably the NFC West whom we swept while the Raiders and Chargers each went 2-2 against.

Team MVP: Matt Cassel. Coming back from an emergency appendectomy and leading this team to two huge wins that they had to have, Cassel proved that he is the emotional heart and soul of this team. He shut up his critics throwing 27TD's on just 7INT's, managing this offense well, and taking charge of it at times.

Offensive Player of the Year: Jamaal Charles. Charles was the 2nd leading rusher in the league, on around 100 fewer carries than some of the other top backs. He's an explosive player who came 5 yards away from breaking Jim Brown's record for highest YPC in a single season. Charles was kept "fresh" all season, and I pray to God that he is fully unleashed in the playoffs.

Defensive Player of the Year: Tamba Hali. Hali's 14.5 sacks were 2nd only to DeMarcus Ware, and despite facing double and triple teams all year, he was the Chiefs most effective pass rusher, constantly disrupting the passing game, and freeing up space for other guys like DJ and Wallace Gilberry to make plays.

Rookie of the Year: As much as I like what Tony Moeaki has brought to the passing game as a much-needed pass-catching tight end, how can this not go to Eric Berry? Opposing tight ends who shredded the Chiefs last year were shut down time and time again by EB who was a monster in run support, finishing 2nd on the team in tackles. Finally, the big plays that were a trademark of the 2009 Chiefs were minimized in large part to this man. Ironic that the Chiefs face Ed Reed in the playoffs, because that is Berry's future upside. Hope he gets there.

TOP 5 Moments

#5- Matt Cassel returns from injury just 10 days after emergency surgery and leads the Chiefs to a must-win against the Rams.

#4- The DEX Factor introduces himself to the nation with a 94 yard punt return on Monday Night Football to extend the Chiefs lead to 21-7 going into halftime against the Chargers

#3- HOLY MOEAKI makes a sensational one-handed grab as the Chiefs roll the Niners.

#2- 21-14!!! The Chiefs give the moderator an unbelievable birthday present holding off the Chargers and Phyllis Rivers with a late goal-line stand. They seize 1st control of the AFC West and do not surrender it for the rest of the season!

#1- Christmas comes one day late as the Chiefs roll against the Titans and Santa Claus in the form of Carson Palmer and Jerome Simpson eliminate the Chargers.

Happy New Year's Everybody!!!

I rang the New Year in Vegas style, which tbh is the only way to go now. It was actually a very low cost trip thanks to much good success poker wise. Wishing you all an amazing 2011.

Marc1313's New Year's Resolution: Drink Less, Fuck More