Thursday, January 31, 2013


That is the new name of my blog, if you have a problem with that, you can #GoFuckYourself.  If you want to read more, follow me at @marctokushige on twitter.  At the present name, I am highly intoxicated, have to be up in like 7 hours, and do not care.  My level of immorality and degeneracy has reached an all-time high. 

Since you retarded fucks always bitch to me that you can't comment on my posts even though its easy as fuck, if you have any comments, please text or tweet them to me so I can easily address them.  Given the subject matter of tonight's posts, I can safely assure you all that if you have any single female friends, you don't have to worry about me poaching them, so just sit back, relax, and enjoy the random ramblings of the most degenerate man you will ever meet.

Random Remembrances From North Carolina

Recently, Ryan, Hillary, and I visited Paul, Heather, Eli, and Sahara in North Carolina.  In the 90 or so hours I was there, my BAC was never at 0.00, I only remember about 60% of what happened, and there was only one night out of the 4 in which I remember going to bed.  But other than that, I was a perfectly moral human being, because if you can't remember it, it never happened.

- Arriving at LAX at 7am, an hour and a half early, and ordering a Double Crown Royal rocks.  Ryan orders me another drink on the plane. 
- Getting there, Heather calling me a fag, going to dinner, and then drinking a ton- I wish I could remember what happened other than that
- Golf with the boys the next day, Heather Smith DRIVING US, then watching Ryan and Hillary's wedding video, then a lot of bad stuff.  Fighting both the guys, then at some point crying and Heather trying to console me, and Eli eating my money.
- Me and Paul being super hungover the whole day the next day. 
- Going to Wilmington and Ryan being super homo, and Hillary obsessing over One Tree Hill
- Oyster shooters, pub crawl, Hillary being bored as fuck, Heather being grossed out over one of the stories, and then...

Hold on, time out!  I am FUCKING Hammered right now!  LOL I am so devoid of morality its a joke.

- Ok so we get to the last bar, and its a dive bar and we get a table.  At the tables next to us, is a table of 4 chicks.  I buy them a round of shots, then me and them 4 go upstairs to play some foosball.  Game 1 my team wins and I play great.  Then I buy another round of shots and a round of drinks- I think my team gets shutout the next game as I am hammered by now. 
- Next thing I remember I am back at the base and checking in with the air force check-in people praying I don't get us all arrested.  I don't.
- From all accounts, there's about a 50% I got laid that night, as I was apparently was dancing with said chicks, and emerged from some random room with two of them. This is now the THIRD time where I might have gotten laid and not remembered it.  #DegenProblems
- Cutter Creek aka best golf value ever the next day and more drinking followed
- Monday at the airport I said I'm not drinking for a while.  Ryan and Hill order a beer.  I order a MaCallan Rocks.  Hillary says: gee that didn't take long

MAJOR LOVE to all 4 of you- you are my brothers and sisters!

Reasons Why I Will Never Get LOL Married

- No chick could tolerate my level of sports obsession/watching
- Lets face it, on an attractiveness level solely I'm like a 5 or a 6, and I only go after 8's or higher
- I NEVER want to have children.  I will be the coolest uncle in human history, and will love all of my friends' kids, but the thought of raising a kid terrfies me.  The crying, the screaming, Hillary make it stop!  WOMAN!  MAKE IT STOP!  Plus, I cannot take care of myself, how in the fuck do you expect me to take of another human being?
- I "do stuff" with a stripper twice, and no matter how hot/good she is I get bored with her, and want to try something new.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, men are not meant to be monogamous, and to be honest I probably never will be. 
- I witnessed plenty of lol married men in my family who were so whipped and beated down that it was depressing to be around them for even 5 minutes during holiday get-togethers.  I don't want to ever be like that.
- Nagging is annoying as fuck.  All men "pay for it" whether the way I do, or via engagement rings/dinners/drinks, etc. I'd rather pay for it and not have to deal with any other BS afterwards.  In other words, part company and never see each other again. 
-  Unfortunately the stereotype is that Asians have small dicks.  I am only Asian from the waste up, but unfortunately our fucking Putitan prude society makes us wear clothes all the time. 
- Any woman who ever reads this post will never consider marrying me
- There are WAY too many drunk/crazy marc stories that eventually one of them would turn a chick off from me
- There's the left at the altar philosophy- My number one recurring dream is of me getting left at the altar and I strongly feel that it's going to happen to me at some point in my life

REASON #1: I've met the woman that I truly belive to be my soulmate, and let her walk out of my life forever.  For that, I deserve the life that I have- one of degeneracy and excitement but ultimately loneliness.  /emo rant


So the topic of me needing an intervention has arose recently.  The problem is from what?  Gambling/Poker?  Drinking?  Strip Clubs?  All 3?  Lets take a look at what will happen if...

I stop Gambling--> I will not have strip club finances, ergo I will drink 100x more, and become a full-blown alcoholic

I stop Drinking--> I will be 100x less fun to be around, will be 100x worse at talking to women, get depressed and emo, and eventually go on a 2 week insane crazy bender that will probably result in my death.  Better to keep at my steady only borderline alcoholic pace.

I Quit Strip Clubs--> Ok that's just not an option.  The only way this is happening is if I am in a relationship, so if you want me to quit strippers you better find me a woman who is as slutty/freaky as strippers.

I Quit All 3--> The only reason this happens is I am lol married to some religious prude chick who is anti-alcohol in which case I might as well be dead, so just put a bullet in my brain.

BOTTOM LINE: Being a degenerate gambler who makes money doing so, strip club addict, and borderline alcoholic is good for me, because I maintain a proper balance, never venturing too obsesssively into any one degen activity, ergo keeping me alive.

So if you think I need an intervention, you actually want me to die.  Why do you want me to die?

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Degen Triple Crown

- Gambling/Playing Poker
- Going to a Strip Club and getting "taken care of"
- Getting Drunk

All in the same night.  With this next Crown Royal rocks I'm about to pour, your moderator will have successfully completed one tonight.  These triple crowns are rare and it takes a special kind of seasoned degen to complete one in one night.

WARNING: Completion of a Degen Triple Crown can/will be very expensive, but it cements yourself as a true degen, and one worthy of scorn from your married friends and the Moral Majority, and praise and admiration from fellow degens, strippers, alcoholics.

Welcome to the World James Guzman!

On Friday January 18th, my dear friends and family Rick and Natalie Guzman gave birth to a beautiful, happy baby boy James Andrew.  Met him for the first time last week, and all I have to say is I cannot wait to teach him how to live.  Natalie has already told me that I will never be allowed to be alone with him, but when that guy turns 21- we will see, I will at least try and introduce him to my way of life.  No matter what happens, congrats guys, I love my nephew already, we will be wingmen for life!

Sorry For My Absence

A lot has happened to your moderator in the past few months.  As most of you know I was born with a heart condition that has required 3 previous surgeries.  Well it's time for another valve replacement, but luckily they will be able to replace it via catheterization (no cutting me open).  The procedure is set for February 27th at Cedars Sinai, and will probably require me to be in the hospital for only a day or two followed by a few days of recovery.

The other big event was the unfortunate passing of my grandpa in November.  He was a great man who always put his family first, and I really miss him, and am still hurting for my mom and grandma, but he lived a great life, and is no longer in pain and suffering.