Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Vin Scully retiring after this season

Absolutely devastated right now. Words cannot describe what this man means to me, my dad, the Dodgers, its fans, baseball in general, and the city of Los Angeles. He is not only the voice, but the heart and soul of the Dodger organization. His mastery of the English language, and interweaving stories from the past with the game, and humanizing the athletes that us fans often dehumanize, are traits that will never again be seen. In our OCD modern society, we prefer homer announcers, like Charlie Steiner, Rex Hudler, and probably the worst of the bunch, Hawk Harrelson of the White Sox, because we like announcers who are "on our side" and keep us entertained.

Scully refused to do that, and always remained unbiased and objective in his broadcasts, even though he really bled Dodger blue. The McCourts, and the city of Los Angeles, better make damn sure that they bestow the greatest honors possible upon him. Anything short of a statue in front of the stadium, and remaning "something of significance" in honor him will be an utter disgrace. Dodger fans better damn well enjoy his final 14, hopefully 15 months behind the mic, because while players may come and go, there will NEVER BE ANOTHER VIN SCULLY!

The Best of the Best: Streets Edition

Leffingwell Road: fuck la habra/central/state college/city dr. Leffingwell is the nuts, a great shortcut to get to Imperial, home to puffy taco, and just a cool chillax street to drive down.

Telegraph Rd: Because the name is awesome, because it is home to Candlewood, an In'N'Out (well kind of), a billion other fast food joints, Commerce Casino, and a million great and awful drives home from Commerce and Hawaiian Gardens.

Bastanchury Rd.: First off, because the name Bastanchury just sounds great. Second, because it's a nice shortcut to CSUF, and miss all the Imperial traffic. Home to Coyote Hills, the Summit House, and many many drives home.

Idaho Rd: Because the drive between Imperial and Rosecrans is pure awesomness.

Culver: Because 2 am drives down Culver were the nuts. 2pm drives, not so much.

PCH: Despite the traffic, it's still sf amazing to drive down this street at sunset.

West Road: Because it's where I really learned how to drive.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Emo Music FTW!

God I forgot how much I love my HS emo music. The music may not be "critically" good, but goddamn I relate to every thing these pathetic motherfuckers are saying. Plus all these songs remind me of the one who got away, which may or may not be a good thing.


To anyone reading this, you are the FUCKING man/woman! What do you want to see more of here/what can I do to make this blog even more awesome?

Full Blown Panic Mode

3 blowout losses in a row, a complete lack of situational hitting, Bills has been awful for the past month or so, and a struggling superstar. Time to get nervous Dodger fans. Although we're still 8 games up, if we don't make a trade for a veteran ace, I don't see this team advancing deep into the playoffs. Yes I'm a Debbie Downer, but if you were a Dodger fan for the past 18 years, you would be too.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Things that stir up Childhood Nostalgia

- Cambria, California
- Tecmo Football and RBI Baseball
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- Roller Hockey
- Mr. Baseball (my little league nickname)
- Kelly Kapowski
- In West Philadephia I was born and raised.....
- It's a rare condition this day in age to read any good news on the newspaper page....
- Jesse and the Rippers
- Cinnabons, Icee's, Orange Julius, and Tony's Pizza
- Tennis Balls (propped a 2 X 4 piece of wood against my fence, and field ground balls every day after school until it got dark or the dodgers came on).
- Silent Ball
- Wendy Peffercorn
- Little Big League
- Playing catch and going to the batting cages with my dad
- Little League practices and games, and playing my fucking heart out
- Driving home from Dodger games with my dad, listening to Dodger talk, and talking baseball.

The various weird quirks and habits of marc1313

- I drive with the windows down and the A/C on. Yes I know it's counterproductive, but it's just my thing, and what makes me the most comfortable.
- The last thing I do before I go to bed, and the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning, is check my fantasy baseball teams.
- Whenever there is a key spot in a Dodger game, I have to set the volume to 13, pace back and forth, and have Mr. Remote on the futon watching the game.
- Naming my remote control
- I still do not have an NFL team (hopefully the FFB draft clears things up).
- Referring to myself in the 2nd and 3rd person.
- Wearing "outfits" that do not match or are outrageous, just to piss off my female friends
- I can't talk about anything important while it is in progress, for fear of jinxing it.
- No matter what the temperature is outside, I always have to sleep with my windows open, and my oscillating fan on. If it's freezing cold outside, I just get a couple extra blankets.
- Posting on a blog that nobody reads on a regular basis (Mike, Michelle, and Jessica, please prove me wrong).

Thursday, July 23, 2009

My "On Paper Soulmate"

Well it is emo week here at TDMOM1313, so I'm gonna post woman fail stories until I get this emoness out of me.

The Setting: A few months ago at Cal State Fullerton's Titan Student Union.

Ok it's a Thursday night, and I have class at 7, and the Dodgers are in Houston, so the game starts at 5. I wanted to watch some of the game before class, so I get there around 5, to watch the game at the Round Table in the TSU, because they have a bunch of big screens, food, and usually some other people to watch the game with. I order my food, sit down, and find that all the TV's are on some college hoops game, so I go over to the guy I ordered food from, and ask if he could change one of the tv's to the Dodger game.

As he starts flipping around, this girl sitting behind me, says "They're on the MLB network tonight, so I don't think they're going to have it here." I turn around, and see this very beautiful woman about my age, and ask "Aww really, damn how did I not know that?" The guy finishes checking, can't find the game, and I thank him for his efforts as he walks away. The girl, lets call her "Emily", goes on about how she watches every Dodger game, and I ask if I may sit with her at her table, and she says of course. Just the setting, and the way in which we met, felt like a dream, or something out of some cheesy romantic comedy. My heart skips a beat, and for the first time in a longtime, I am really hopeful that something good might happen here.

She then offers to track the game with me, on her MLB GameTracker (to those of you who play Fantasy Baseball, you know how invaluable and addicting gametrackers are), and I'm starting to think to myself, now this is the perfect woman (looks, educated, and loves baseball especially the Dodgers). We get to talking, and she is finishing up her undergrad work at CSUF, so she's only a couple of years younger than me, if that, and a diehard Dodger fan. I sort of "quiz" her, to see how big of a fan she really is, and her knowledge is absolutely disgusting. I've never met a girl who knew so much about baseball, but not just that she was really cool, and easy to talk to.

So after about an hour goes by, I get up to leave, but obviously want to ask her out/see her again, and there was no ring, and she didn't mention a boyfriend, so I said: "Hey I just want to say that you are really awesome. Would you like to go out sometime, maybe go to a game or something?" She kind of pauses (obviously searching for a nonoffensive rejection), and says, "Well umm why don't you leave me your number, and maybe we can come back here and watch a game sometime." I obviously know she is never going to call, but still hold out some hope. I drive around Fullerton for the next 40 minutes or so, talking and screaming at myself trying to figure out how I messed up. I mean on paper, we were absolutely perfect for each other.

Well of course she never called, but the week of finals, on that Thursday, the crazy delusional romantic in me decided that I had to go back to the same place, in the desperate hope that she would somehow be there. When I got there, and she wasn't there, I had a mini meltdown and got a lot of really weird looks, but hey I always get those anyways, so whatever. Moral of the story: Round Table sucks, it really does.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Manny Being Manny!!!!

PH Grand Slam, a bunch of web gems turned in by our defense, Ethier gets to 20, Bills returns to form, and gets his 10th! What's not to love about this team!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

If You Could Be Any Letter What Would You Be?

I'd choose "X". Somewhat mysterious, a bit of the odd man out, but cool at the same time.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Getting Totally Burned by a Sexy Dealer

While playing in my poker tournament on saturday, I'm making some small talk with one of the lady dealers because she was pretty sexy. Anyways, I make a mistake on a hand, and say "I suck", and she responds "Do you swallow?" The whole table starts laughing, and I just give her props because that was a very solid burn. Too bad I never got her number.

Vegas Trip Report

Friday night: Get into town around 10pm. Pound a few beers with Ryan in the room while waiting for the girls to get ready. Head over to Fat Tuesdays to get some 190's. After that everybody goes apeshit crazy, people get lost, people disappear, people throwing up, the works. I tear it up on the dance floor, make 19 phone calls, and end up in the bar with a bacon cheeseburger, a 190, a scotch, and some middle aged bar tender chick who I'm pretty sure wanted to have some secksy time with me.

Saturday morning: Still really really drunk, met Pete Rose who is a total dbag, spend about an hour inside the Forum Shops at Caesar's trying to find the poker room.

Saturday afternoon: Played some of the best poker in my life in the $85 tournament at Caesar's. Top 4 got paid, so of course I finished in 5th. FML! Proceeded to meet my very very drunk friends at the pool, and jump in the pool/get thrown in my Ryan and Hillary 3 different times fully clothed. Got some cheers from the audience so yea me, guess I should have been a diver.

Saturday night: Tons of beer, followed by total degeneracy and got my ass kicked in blackjack and just totally lost my mind and most of the rest of my vegas money. Proceeded to down 3 scotches, half of a 190, and then went crazy. Took a bagillion of the phone sex/hooker cards that they pass out (no i didn't use any of them so stop judging me). Then asked our waitress who was really cool, and I prewarned about my drunken craziness which "hooker" was hotter, and I agreed with her answer. Then walked down the strip, and I pretty much talked to every single person that we came across, and had some pretty damn good conversations fwiw. Then Paul dared me to jump off the outdoor escalator, and I was SF down, but luckily Ryan and Paige held me down before the jump could be made. Ended up degening it up some more, made a nice little run at blackjack before getting ejected from the table, for putting my head down for 5 seconds while the dealer was shuffing. Saw the same bar tender from the night before, said good night, and passed out.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Opening Lines for My Vegas Trip

(1) I win the 100 player $100 noon tourney at Caesar's........75:1
(2) I clean up on all of my baseball parlays......10:1
(3) I wake up somewhere other than my hotel room one of the next 2 mornings.......3:1
(4) O/U How many chicks tell me to GTFO.......4.5

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Things that Make My Day

- Hearing a great song that I haven't heard in a long time
- FTing a poker tournament
- Having a great meal
- The Dodgers winning
- The Giants losing
- My FBB teams pwning souls
- Rain, or at least the threat of rain
- Being in the driving "zone"
- Having a great flowing conversation with somebody
- Talking to a hot chick that I don't know, AND not saying anything retarded

Awkward yet funny

So I'm in my business calculus course that I just finished up, and we're taking notes while the professor is lecturing (25 or so students in the course) , and I'm trying to sketch a graph, but make a mistake, and I have to start over again. I mutter quietly to myself "You fucking idiot, learn how to fucking draw." A couple of seconds later, the guy sitting next to me starts laughing, and I look at him and whisper, "I said that really loud didn't I?", and he replies "Yea". A few seconds later, the entire class including the professor start bursting out laughing. The professor was really laid back so he didn't care, and I started laughing along at my faux pas.

Sigh I really really need to learn to keep quiet.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Guy's 10 Commandments

(1) Don't be a gossip (that's what fucking chicks do). If your buddy tells you something in confidence, keep that conversation between you and him.

(2) Don't sleep with a friend's mom or girlfriend. Violation of either of these rules is punishable by loss of friendship, and/or 10 kicks in the nuts. One night stands with a friend's sister are NOT allowed, but falling in love with a friend's sister IS allowed, provided you have your friend's permission. One night stands and/or relationships with a friend's ex, is NOT allowed if she dumped him (when she breaks up with him, she's breaking up with you). However, if he broke it off with her, then a 6 month grace period, and his permission can get a relationship, but NOT a one night stand.

(3) Always know the current champion of the 4 major sports without having to look it up (Phillies/Steelers/Lakers/Penguins), OR the champion of the past 10 years of your favorite sport, if you're one of those one sport guys (Phillies, Red Sox, Cardinals, White Sox, Red Sox, Marlins, Angels, Diamondbacks, Yankees, Yankees, Yankees), I can go on and on and on.

(4) Never EVER waste a good beer. If you opened it, FFS finish it.

(5) Do NOT surrender the remote to your woman on a sunday, EVER. The other 6 days, yeah you might have to on occasion, but sundays are a day for sports, and nothing but sports.

(6) If you have never suffered an injury (something that would put you on the 15 DL) while playing sports, then get the fuck out there, and do something stupid immediately.

(7) Provided that you are the driver, and it is your favorite team, and not some random team that you got free tickets to, NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, leave a game early. I don't care if you're down 15 runs in the 9th, and you're suffering from massive internal bleeding. You CANNOT leave early.

(8) Meat and Potatoes FFS. The words "guy" and "vegetarian" should never be in the same sentence.

(9) Be able to give precise directions to the nearest strip club to your place of residence, in case another man, or even better, a hot woman asks you for them. If said female asks you for directions, offer to take her to said location immed.

(10) If you have a woman, love her and honor her, and don't be one of those douchewads that fucks shit up for the rest of us.

Disappointing Derby

Cruz and Fielder put on a show in the 1st round, but still very disappointing. Part of the problem was in that Pujols, Mauer, and Inge are line drive hitters, and AGon and Howard tend to hit a lot of homers to the opposite field when they are really locked in. Plus the nature of the contest, and how big it has become, probably brought about some extra nerves. Still SF stoked for the game tomorrow, I'm predicting an 8-5 NL Win, with Pujols hitting two bombs, and 4 RBI's.

Friday, July 10, 2009

The Birth of a Legend

The GW Grand Slam, and a Willie Mays style catch to end the game, Matt Kemp you are the FUCKING MAN!

Congratulations to Jonathan Sanchez

No No that should have been a perfecto. This kid is absolutely electric, and if he can command his pitches on a consistent basis, has the potential to be an ace. Gotta say that the Giants' recent streak has me stoked for the rest of the summer. Dodgers-Giants duking it out for NL supremacy, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Bad First Impressions

So I go to a local restaurant to grab a bite to eat with some friends. With them is one of my buddy's new g/f. I make the standard introduction, and proceed to tell my buddy that the new hat he's wearing is the ugliest thing I've ever seen (it really was). He proceeds to say "Thanks (sarcastically), she (the new girl) bought it for me".

Sigh learn to STFU sometimes Marc.


If you're actually reading this, congratufuckinglations, you're probably the only person who actually reads my fucking blog. You are going to be entertained with the one story that I have forever been afraid to tell, because it hurts too much, but which I'm going to spill now because it's been a really shitty night, and I want to reward my loyal subscribers.

The setting is my Junior Year of High School, and I was a miserable wreck because the girl that I had been infatuated with for the past 3 years had pretty much rejected me. We went to the Winter Formal Dance together, but when I asked her out again, she turned me down, so needless to say I was a fucking mess. I had never gotten so much as an A- in my life before in my life, but that semester, my grades were a bunch of B's and a C. It wasn't the girl's fault, let's call her "Melanie", I mean she just wasn't into me, and lets face it, I'm a pretty ugly mother fucker.

Anyways so the semester is going by, and my friends, and everyone else are trying to help me pull it together, when this wonderful woman whom I had known for the past 6 years, but never really "noticed" because I had been hung up on "Melanie" starts to become good friends with me. She laughs at all of my jokes, even the really bad ones, always has the perfect thing to say to me, shares great conversations with me, and always has a smile on her face. That smile, words cannot describe how perfect and beautiful her smile was, let's call her "Jennifer". It could make even the toughest of the tough guys cringe and bring them to their knees. "Jennifer" was absolutely beautiful, and despite the fact that she didn't like sports, and we had absolutely nothing in common, I cannot imagine a woman who was more perfect for me. I could be myself around her, and we could talk about anything, but most importantly was the way she made me feel. When I was with her, I felt like I was on top of the world, the coolest guy in the world. Most of you who are in strong relationships will probably say I'm just being a fucking idiot, but believe me when I tell you that the bond that "Jennifer" and I had was very strong and it was true love.

So we become pretty good friends, but I never tell her how I feel about her. Our final week of high school comes around, and I am determined to express my feelings, but for whatever reason, the scared 18 year old in me is unable to do, perhaps because of my past failures, or just because I'm a scared little bitch. Time went by, and I saw her a couple of times, but each time was an inopportune time, where I didn't really have a chance to say how I felt for a variety of reasons. I'm somewhat of a spiritual person, but I usually pray for other people, and VERY RARELY for myself, but this time, I prayed to God that I could just have one more chance to see "Jennifer", and tell her how I felt.

Well God granted me that wish about a year or so ago. I was in the parking lot of the library right by my house, preparing to rent a couple of movies for my poker session for that day, and there I saw "Jennifer" and my heart lept. I felt alive for the first time in a very long time. We talked for a while, caught up, and eventually I mentioned something about trying to get together for drinks or something, and she mentioned her husband.

Needless to say this absolutely destroyed me. We concluded our conversation in a standard and civilized fashion, hugged good bye, and I will probably never see her again. I guess the lesson to be learned here is to you people who are in a committed relationship: DON'T FUCK SHIT UP. You have no idea how lucky you are to have somebody who loves you. To those of you single people out there: Seize the Day, and don't ever let fear dictate your life, as it did mine.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about "Jennifer". I may not know much about relationships and love, but I know without a doubt that she was the "one" for me. While I am hurt, I take solace in the fact that she has found someone who loves her unequivocally. Good luck people, and thanks for reading.

Will the Giants Ever Lose Again?

Certainly not when Timmay or Cain are pitching!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

WTF How Do People Actually Like This Shit?!

The Dodgers losing a game they should have won to a team that has 30904900 guys on the DL has me on crazy monkey tilt so more venting:

Things Most People Like/Love that I SF Hate

- Salads...who cares if it's healthy, so is a fucking sandwich, and sandwiches don't taste like fucking leaves
- Energy Drinks....they can even make vodka taste bad, and that's nearly impossible for me
- Coffee....just awful, absolutely awful...Orange Juice is the nuts in the morning imo
- The DH....part of the pussification of America imo. if you can't even play 1B you don't belong in the MLB, and ffs make the pitchers fear retaliation if they consider some head hunting
- Taco Bell- I'd rather eat whatever's on the bottom of my shoes.
- U-Shaped booths: the foot space is very bad, if someone has to get up to go to the bathroom or take a call or something, then everyone has to get out, and it just has a very uncomfortable claustrophobic vibe to it in general. Normal 3 X 3 booths or middle of the room tables with chairs are much more + EV imo.
Restaurants that have "themed" restrooms titles: you know what I'm talking about, the ones that say the names for men and women in different languages, or whatever the "theme" for that restaurant is, because they are trying to be "cute". It's just annoying, I shouldn't have to read anything when I just want to take a piss. I mean ffs at least have the picture of the man or woman on there. This can be especially annoying when one has had multiple drinks.
MTV: Nothing but total fucking garbage on this channel. How can anyone take any of these shows seriously, or even find them entertaining. The only + EV aspect of MTV is tons of braindead SF HAWT chicks.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Things that are SF REDONKULOUS

- That the city of Los Angeles might have to foot the bill for MJ's funeral. Jesus Christ this city and state are broke, the Jackson's and their celebrity friends have millions upon millions, and yet the taxpayers might still have to foot the bill. God celebrities lifetilt the shit out of me.

- Bleeding heart liberals who think that the solution to a recession is to punish the taxpayers for the incompetence of their elected officials, rather than cut the out of control spending.

- Conservative politicians who try and impose their morality upon everyone, while they are having affairs, and engaging in other "immoral acts". When will these morons learn that you CANNOT regulate morality?

- Anyone who believes that the War on Drugs is still a good idea and/or effective. Legalize it, tax it, make badly needed revenue off of it, rather than filling our prisons with nonviolent drug offenders, while letting violent sexual predators and gangbangers back on the streets. God does anyone in our state or federal government have an ounce of common fucking sense?

- The Democratic Party

- The Republican Party

- Adam Lind and Ian Kinsler not getting selected to the All Star Game

Andruw Jones

Please go DIAGF. 3 HR's in over 200 AB's for the Dodgers last year, and 3 HR's in one fucking game tonight. I mean at least it was against the Angels, was seriously GFY Mr. Jones.

All Star Game Week

Ian Kinsler and Adam Lind getting left off the ASG roster is a felony imo. While Kemp is the best player, Pablo Sandoval deserves to get the last spot in the NL, and either Kinsler or Lind deserve the AL spot, although I'm leaning towards Lind.

Still grats to Bills, Broxton, and O-Dog. Tear 'em up next Tuesday, and get the NL the home field advantage they deserve. Can't wait for the derby. For the record, I've got Prince Fielder shipping this. That man was born for this contest.