Tuesday, March 22, 2011

About Me

If you have an idyllic version of me: well then obviously we are not facebook friends and/or you are never on facebook and see my posts, but suffice it to say this blog is not for the weak of heart. I lead a very vicarious and carefree lifestyle. I've had 4 major operations, and multiple near-death experiences, so my attitude towards life has always been: live life to the fullest everyday.

I am also a single guy. I like to drink (scotch is my drink), watch porn, and frequent strip clubs, and I'm not ashamed of any of those things. If you're a guy and you have a "problem" with any of those things, then you're probably a fag (not that there's anything wrong with that...what you do in your personal is none of mine or anybody else's fucking business). If you're a chick, well then you definitely have a problem with at least one of those things. For you, please read the next paragraph.

While I put up a tough and masculine exterior, I am at heart a hopeless romantic hoping to find true love. I have not always been the person that you will see in this blog, but years of having my heart stomped and crushed on has turned me into this person. So, you've been warned, I can promise that my posts will be fun and entertaining. If you dare to enter the mind of every straight man read on:

Strippers and Scotch Day

Women get February 14th where their guy has to shower them with gifts and tell them how much they love them blah blah fucking blah!!! What the fuck do guys get? Jack diddily poo that's what we get guys! It's time to rise up and demand that we get a day filled with strippers and scotch where basically we get a hall pass to drink scotch and get lap dances from random chicks that we will never see again (unless the dances are really that great ;) I'll propose the date of March 13th as that is my half-bday and a month after VDay. A day where I can join my married/engaged/relationship brothers in a celebration of manhood, tits, and drink.

If you're a man comment and say "hell yea" and tell your woman that if she wants anymore VDay gifts, she better succomb to "Strippers and Scotch day".

If you're a gutless pussy, well then keep being her bitch, and don't come crying to me when she stops putting out, because I will just laugh in your pathetic face.


I've been blogging for 3 years and I only have 17 followers? How the fuck does that happen? Either I'm the most unpopular fucko alive or this things a lot worse than my friends tell me. If you enjoy this blog, become a follower, and recommend it to your friends. And leave comments. The more positive feedback I get, the more I like to blog, and as always let me know what you want to hear/read more about. This blog is for men to enjoy, and for women to help them better understand the male mind, so please let me know what you want to read more of!

Your Buzzed approaching Drunk Moderator

My Current Playlist

- " Party Girls"
- " One Shining Moment"
- " Landslide"
- Like the entire soundtrack from "Take Me Home Tonight"...meh movie with probably the greatest soundtrack of all time
- Half the soundtrack from "Happythankyoumoreplease" which was an excellent movie with an excellent soundtrack
- A whole bunch of ghey shit that I don't want to tell you all about

The Butler Way

I'm officially sold on it. Butler is my new favorite college basketball team (after my alma mater UC Irvine of course) as long as Brad Stevens is the head coach. This team minus their star Gordon Hayward has beaten another #1 seed, won a pair of buzzer beaters, and just has a grit, selfless style, and refuse to lose mentality that I just love. Rooting for them all the way, man how sick would a Duke-Butler title game rematch be?

Man Law Violation?

So I can't remember the last time that I've had more than 2 beers in the course of one night. I mean I still like beer, its just whenever I'm drinking a beer, I'm thinking: this is great, but a glass of scotch and/or Jameson sounds so much better. Maybe I just need the summer and hot weather to get here.

Good Stripper/Bad Stripper

So for those of you who are not too familiar with the innerworkings strip clubs, I'm going to give you a brief tutorial on the difference between good strippers (honest ones who will give you good dances) and bad strippers (those who will give you air dances/upsell you/flat out con and ROB you). Now while there are going to be occasional exceptions, these rules are almost always true.

- are actually nice to you, they compliment you, and will generally try and make some conversation before getting down to business
- are sensual rather than overtly sexual when they initially approach you.
- never ask for tips but act flattered and say how nice you are when you give her one
- give great stage dances and exude a lot of energy in them
- realize that this is a business. if they are honest, sweet, and show you a good time, you will remember them the next time you come. they don't try to hustle you out of a lot of money right then and there, going for the long-term profit route instead.
- Act like they legitimately care about you
- NEVER try and upsell you (example of upselling: you've already paid for a $20 dance and she says something like "if you give me another 20, you can do this or that") MEN and Bisexual/Lesbian women: NEVER EVER EVER fall for this trap! She will con and con you until you have nothing left, trust me! No matter how hot she is, the moment she tries to upsell you, just enjoy the dance and then never get one from her again, there are plenty other fish in the sea.

- are often rude, and will make bitter and snarky comments if you don't get a dance from them. they will say shit like: "ohh you can get a dance from her, but not from me"
- will fucking steal your glasses when you've turned her down for a dance (if you can believe it this fucking shit actually happened to me. i was in disbelief as she disappeared for like 5 minutes. i didn't want to start a shitstorm, so i waited for a few minutes unable to see shit mind you, and was getting up to go raise hell with the manager when she finally returned them).
- almost always are the trashiest and most unkempt looking ones who you wouldn't want to get a dance from anyways. not trashy as in ugly, but trashy as in she clearly has a drug and/or alcohol problem, and this is the only job she knows that can support said habit
- put no energy into their stage dances
- Ask for if not demand tips. Bad strippers really have a sort of entitlement fell to them, whereas good strippers put in the effort and in turn get my $$$
- Think of this in the immediate sense: they just want to get as much money from you as possible, and could care less about repeat customers. They upsell you to death and treat you like a piece of shit, which quite frankly we kind of are, but still don't give these chicks your money. Blow it on the ones who at least put some effort into their work and are at least good enough actresses to pretend that they give a shit about you for however long your dance is.

Drunkbook Dating?

So it's probably not a good idea to mix alcohol and facebook ever. It's probably a worse idea to mix chicks that you want to bang, alcohol, and facebook. It's probably a monementually bad idea to send a chick that you want to bang a drunken facebook message that goes something to the extent of:

"So you're really hawt and really cool. Did you know that? "rambling babbling nonsense" we should go out sometime"

Unless she really wants to fuck you, that's probably like never going to end well, and gonna lead to some major awkward silence the next time you see her. I mean how the fuck can you recover from that?

Welcome Back Readers!!!

After a 3 week hiatus I figured it was time to do some posting! Boy do I have a lot in store for you tonight, it should be fun. As for where the fuck have I been? Just been busy with school stuff, family stuff, kicking it with my friends, some golf, reveling in March Madness, some solid strip club visits, and of course a shit ton of drinking.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Welcome March!!!

Good riddance February and the Day which shall not be mentioned. But March is here, and boy am I excited!

- March Madness: I can already hear Gus Johnson screaming and going crazy after an epic buzzer beater, and Luther Vandross' epic version of "One Shining Moment", one of those moments that gives me goosebumps every year.

- Spring Training and on March 31st, the greatest and most glorious day of the year: OPENING DAY at home against the hated ones!

- CSUSB and CSUF baseball hits conference play. Grats on the homer the other day to my partner up the middle.

- All my shows are getting dramaed up. 30 minutes until the next episode of "Southland" and I'm insanely pumped up.

- "Happythankyoumoreplease" hits the big screen...FINALLY! Been waiting for Josh Radnor's writing/directing debut flick for a long time and hope that it doesn't disappoint.

Hawtest "Types" of Women

#5- Women who guest star on "How I Met Your Mother"
#4- Receptionists
#3- Curly haired blondes
#2- Half Asians
#1 forever and always and it's not even close- NURSES! Thank you ladies for your hard work. You are all grossly underpaid, and unappreciated. LOVE YOU ALL, and will probably marry one of you one day.

Random Remebrances from the Other Night

- Went to Downtown Fullerton for Mikey P's birthday.
- Started at Roscoe's which is pretty much the hawt 25-35 year old women capital of the world. Had an Adios and left.
- Went to Branigan's and did some Irish Car Bombs followed by a tall boy of Stone IPA the one that's like 10% alcohol. From there I have only very hazy memories of being lost, hitting on some chicks, stumbling around outside, and foggy memories of being in the car.
- According to my drunk texts, I: hit on a bagillion chicks, got slapped, did NOT get kicked out of any bars/clubs, DID have a chance to hook up with several chicks but couldn't because and then I never gave a reason.
- Holy Moly was this a stone cold blackout though, haven't had one of those in a LONG ass time. Good times guys! Thanks for driving Ahron (btw I TOLD YOU YOU HAD TO GET A NEW PHONE) and Happy BDay Mikey.