Wednesday, September 30, 2009

An Argument in Favor of Dying Alone

(1) You'll never have to go through or risk the hassle of a messy divorce
(2) One night stands and strip club nights whenever and with whoever you want, with no feelings of guilt or remorse.
(3) You're never going to have any kids which means no changing diapers, no middle school and high school drama, and never having to shell out TONS of money on weddings, or staying up late on weekend nights wondering what kind of stupid shit your kid(s) are doing?
(4) No nagging, no "food channel sundays" and getting to live in peace until the day that you die. You will NOT end up like Frank Barone.
(5) You will always have me to hang out with, while all the rest of your "couply friends" are off doing their vomit inducing couple things. Ouch hanging out with me might actually be an argument against dying alone, so lets just say hanging out with your cool single friends.

Meet Me Halfway

Not only is it an unbelievable bitching song, but the title is something that we all should learn from. If we all could learn to compromise with each other rather than we stubborn assholes and bitches, this world would be a much more peaceful place.

Bleeding Dodger Blue!

Alright so as some of you know I was born with a rare heart condition called Tetralogy of Fallot. One of the effects of this condition was that my heart had a problem oxygenating the blood, hence I literally bled Dodger Blue for the first couple years of my life (at least that's what my parents told me, I guess it's possible that they lied to me). Well my first heart surgery at 23 months repaired this problem, but I fell in love with the Dodgers at age 5, changed the words of kindergarten songs to give them baseball meanings, and will love the Dodgers (no matter how many times they break my heart) until the day that I die.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Lucky Number Slevin

is one of those great little underrated movies that most people haven't seen. Kind of a love it or hate it film, and I absolutely ate it up, and could watch it over and over again and never get bored. All star cast including Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu, Bruce Willis, and Morgan Freeman. Great dialogue, witty, a solid storyline, and one of the best endings to a movie that I have ever seen.

Things that Make 3:51 AM the Best Time of the Day

- The nice brisk cool breeze blowing through the window. No oscillating fan is needed, although it will still be used
- Awesome music from the top 12 and honorable mention list
- Watching movies from the top 5 chick flicks lists (Holy Christ I'm getting gheyer by the minute...somebody please help this blog from getting teh AIDS)
- Nobody else is awake, and there is an amazing sense of peace and tranquility filling the air.

Songs that Should Have Made My Ultimate CD List

Call this the honorable mention section

"American Pie" by Don McLean....really should have been #13
"Snap Yo Fingers" by Lil Jon
"The way you look tonight" by Frank Sinatra
"Pachelbel's Canon in D Major"
"A Day in the Life" by the Beatles
"The Girl from Yesterday" by the Eagles


I was an unbelievable insensitive prick in the last post. The wedding is their day, not mine, and I'm a complete jackass. I guess that's what happens when you're "a little buzzed". The question of +1 or not still remains, but the more important question I presume is as to what type of gift the bride and groom would enjoy. You can't just pick something that 10 other people have already bought, it has to be unique and something that they would enjoy.

Plus One

Alright this was discussed extensively on a long ago episode of How I Met Your Mother (tonight's episode was amazing btw for those of you who missed it), but one of my college buddies invited me to his upcoming wedding, and just like Ted Mosby, I don't know whether or not I should reserve a spot for a +1 or not. Ok this is going to need a further breakdown:

Arguments in Favor of Saying +1

- I'm displaying to myself confidence that I will have a girlfriend at the time that the wedding takes place.
- If I actually have a girlfriend at that time, then this would be a great day for both of us...she would get to meet all of my college buddies, we will both enjoy a fantastic day in the perfect romantic setting, and may become closer as a result of it
- Even if I don't have a g/f at the time, I am sure that one of my platonic female friends would go with me, and good times would be had.
- Having a female friend to drive me home= I can get a nice buzz going on, which will give me added confidence to approach hot single/vulnerable/horny chicks at the weddding= I may actually get lucky.
- I'm not going to know that many people there, and if I go alone, and am placed at the wrong table, it could be a very long night. On the other hand, it could be a blessing in disguise. I'm pretty good at meeting and socializing with new people, so I could make some new friends. Hmmm...this was more complex and complicated than I thought.

Arguments Against Saying + 1

- We all know that no matter how hard I try, I will NOT have a girlfriend at that time. I am just too unattractive, and incompetent around the fairer sex to have a shot in hell.
- Save the bride and groom money
- Allow me to relax a bit more and catch up with some of my old friends that I haven't seen in a long time
- Flying solo= Single/vulnerable/horny chicks might actually approach me in their desperate state, and I might get lucky without having to consume alcohol.

Pachelbel Canon in D Major

In addition to being incredibly relaxing and soothing, it is probably the finest piece of music ever written. If you've never heard it, check it out right now, and be prepared to be lulled into a "lovely" trance like state that you hope you never escape from.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Week 4 NFL and Fantasy Football Preview

What a hell of a week week 3 was! Love him or hate him that was an unreal drive and final play that Favre and the Vikes pulled off. The Bungals pulling one out against the Steelers has to be one of the biggest upsets in a LONG TIME (could the bengals really be for real?) Ohh and you heard it here first, the Lions ended their losing streak. They've actually been competitive in their games, and the Redskins offense is a complete mess, it just felt like it was time. Finally, the Chiefs, Bucs, and Browns are VERRRRYYY BAD football teams on both sides of the ball. I can't see how any of them are going to win more than 2 games this year

3 Reasons to be Excited about Week 4

(1) Ravens- Pats. Ray Lewis meets Tom Brady, and Ed Reed meets Randy Moss in a duel between two of the best offensive players of this decade, and two of the best defensive players of the decade.

(2) Saints-Jets. Something has to give when the league's most prolific offense meets the stingiest defense.

(3) Packers-Vikings as Favre reunites with his old team. Should be a dandy on Monday night.

NFL Week 4 Picks (12-4 in week 3...bold=winners)

Lions @ Bears
Bengals @ Browns
Raiders @ Texans
Seahawks @ Colts
Titans @ Jaguars
Giants @ Chiefs
Ravens @ Pats
Bucs @ Redskins
Bills @ Dolphins
Jets @ Saints
Cowboys @ Broncos
Rams @ 49ers
Chargers @ Steelers
Packers @ Vikings

Fantasy Football Studs (saying AP, Brees, or Fitzy are going to be studs isn't saying much...I'm trying to find the borderline sit/start guys who should have big weeks).

- Glen Coffee: With Frank Gore out for "at least two weeks" Coffee is the man to add, and a matchup against St. Louis this week makes him worthy of a waiver wire add if you are thin at RB.

- Santana Moss: He was Jason Campbell's go to man last week, and the Redskins cannot run the football to save their lives. Fortunately for them, the Bucs defense specializes in giving up long pass plays, so the other Moss figures to have a big week.

- TO: As much as I hate him, the Dolphins were done in by a string of big passing plays last week, and the so far quiet TO is due for a breakout game with his new employer.

- Eli Manning, Steve Smith, and Mario Manningham: Anyone who watched last week's Chiefs game or even highlights of it saw one of the most pathetic displays of tackling ever. The Chiefs actually have done a decent job against the run this year, but their pass rush is non existent, and more importantly the Giants' passing game is starting to click, and all three of these guys should get you double digit points this week with a 20+ pt. performance from Eli being highly probable.

- The Bengals Defense: Can't believe I'm saying this, but the Browns defense is just a turnover waiting to happen. They held their own against the Steelers last week, and have defended the run very well so far this year.

Fantasy Football Duds

- Marques Colston: Darrelle Revis completely shut down Andre Johnson and Randy Moss in his first two matchups of the year, so there's no reason to believe he won't be able to do the same to Colston.

- Ryan Grant: While he's reached paydirt twice this year, the Packers have had a hard time getting their running game going behind a struggling offensive line. A date with the Vikings stingy run defense should prove a nightmare for Grant.

- Phillip Rivers: The Chargers have had problems finishing long drives with touchdowns, the Steelers are going to be angry and desperate, and are going to take it out on Rivers and Co.

- Maurice Jones-Drew: For all of their problems, the Titans have been VERY good defending the run this year, and are probably the best 0-3 team in NFL history. They're going to be very desperate, and against a team that still needs to find an identity in the passing game (although Mike Sims-Walker could be this year's breakout player), the Titans should be keying in on Drew and hold him to single digit fantasy points this week.

5 Chick Flicks that I Actually Liked

(1) Definitely, Maybe: Because it had the same premise as How I Met Your Mother, a very nice storyline, and because Isla Fisher is out of this world gorgeous.

(2) Sleepless in Seattle: Because Tom Hanks is incapable of making a bad movie, the little kid was hilarious, and there are very few things better than late 80's-early 90's Meg Ryan.

(3) When Harry Met Sally: See #2 regarding Meg Ryan, and a certain scene that she definitely "nailed" (no pun intended). Because it thoroughly explored the differences between men and women, had sharp and witty dialogue throughout, and because "I'll have what she's having" is one of greatest movie lines ever.

(4) Ghost: No explanation needed everybody loved Ghost

(5) Father of the Bride: Definitely my favorite of all of them because it has it all: Funny, great story, the bride is hot, good music, and most importantly by the end of the movie, you genuinely feel for these characters.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

8 Fashion Tips to Survive the 2010's

All right while most of you female readers are super awesome and love sports, you of course can get "sick" of it after a while, so tonight there will be a change of pace. The 2000's are coming to an end, and boy what a dreadful decade of clothes and style that they were. Here are some helpful tips that you should adopt NOW, in preparation for the new decade, so that you can be cool before everyone else that you know becomes "cool".

(1) Women: Glasses. Not sunglasses, just regular I can't see a fucking thing without them glasses. Contacts cause you pain, they get lost, and they're a pain in the ass to take in and out. They will die away as they deserve to. Glasses are flat out HOT on a chick, they give her a sort of mysterious seductive look to her, and will be THE BIG THING next decade. Even women with 20/20 will be lining up to get them.

(2) Men: Stripes on stripes. This creates a "straight line" among your clothes, and just look damn good. Who doesn't love symmetry?

(3) Women: Quiet Slipper like shoes replacing high heels and boots. This is good for a variety of reasons: super tall chicks are a turnoff, the loud clacking of the dance shoes that women wear now is fucking annoying, they will be cheaper, and you're feet won't be in blinding pain.

(4) Men: If you are not on the clock or driving, take off your fucking blue tooths. On the job or driving, ok that's understandable, that's what they were made for. However guys who wear their blue tooths while just hanging out, to "look cool or sophisticated" are complete tools, and deservedly receive insta douche status.

(5) Women: Sports Jerseys. Because they make 5's look like 7's, and 8's look like 10's. Sorry to the 4's and below, but until I've had that 10th beer, you're still ugly.

(6) Men: Sports Jerseys. There's currently a bit of a social stigma when you wear your jersey and it's not gameday, but this will change. True fans know that being a true fan is a 365.25 day/year job, and the rest of society will begin to become more tolerant and accepting of the disease that is being a sports sicko.

(7) SUPER HOT CHICKS: (8.5-10's only): mini mini skirts and tops revealing even more cleavage, but not too much. There needs to be something left to the imagination.

(8) Men: Of course, the Hush Puppies. Why? Well I think I've covered this already. Get a pair now, enjoy a comfort that your feet have never felt before, and thank me later.

Call me Crazy

but i just have this gut feeling that the Chiefs are going to pull off a miracle tomorrow in the city of brotherly love. 27-24 Chiefs book it. My picks for WEEK 3 of the NFL (bold=winners)

Browns @ Ravens
Titans @ Jets
Redskins @ Lions (the streak will end tomorrow)
Jaguars @ Texans
49ers @ Vikings
Falcons @ Patriots
Giants @ Bucs
Chiefs @ Eagles
Packers @ Rams
Saints @ Bills
Bears @ Seahawks
Steelers @ Bungles
Dolphins @ Chargers
Broncos @ Raiders
Colts @ Cards
Panthers @ Cowboys

College Football Week 4 Wrapup

- Get well soon Tim Tebow. Whether you Love or Hate Florida, you have to admire this man's courage, and leadership. A true class act, and ambassador for the game. After taking a big hit that sent him to the hospital he was quoted as saying:

"He asked me 'Did I hold on to the ball?' I told him he did and he winked at me and said 'It's great to be a Gator.'"

That's a LEADER right there. Wish him a full and speedy recovery. Still, his injury shakes up the entire college football landscape. Florida travels to Death Valley in two weeks, for what should be a huge SEC showdown, and if Tebow can't go, the entire SEC picture could turn on its head.

- I wouldn't want to be ranked in the top 10 right now. Mississippi, Miami, Cal (in an embarrassing fashion), and Penn State all went down this weekend, with LSU barely surviving as well. This is shaping up to be one wild and crazy season of college football.

- Michigan is looking like a team of destiny, with yet ANOTHER 4th quarter come from behind win.

- What an ending to the Notre Dame-Purdue game. What in the world was the Purdue coaching staff thinking when they called time out after they stuffed Notre Dame on 2nd and goal?

- USC's offense is just flat out difficult to watch right now. Yes they won going away, but against a team that isn't in the same sport with them athletically speaking. 3 more fumbles, 2 of them lost, and 115 penalty yards, many of them on stupid personal fouls are all signs that this could be a tough year for the Men of Troy.


I can't add youtube clips, but just type it in to youtube to see the trailer. Looks pretty damn good, and with Christopher Nolan directing, and a star studded cast including: DiCaprio, Marion Cotillard (Dillinger's woman in Public Enemies), Ellen Page, Michael Caine, and Tom Berenger, this movie should definitely be one of the top 10 to look forward to next year.

Friday, September 25, 2009


The Primetime Emmys were on this past Sunday, and someone forgot to tell the entire group of people that I watched Sunday Night Football with, because no one even mentioned it. Not that I really care, except that Neil Patrick Harris was the MC, and supposedly (God I hate that word) did a great job. Gonna have to check (WTF it's already 12:20 am, what the fuck happened to the last 2 hours) youtube for some highlights. Seriously whoever votes for Emmy's, how does Tony Shalhoub not just automatically win best actor every year? Have any of you actually seen "Monk", because if you did, that category would be renamed in his honor.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Grammar Nazis Rejoice

Today is National Punctuation Day. If you can't stand run-on sentences, cringe at the sight of comma errors, or have an ellipsis fetish, then today is your day. Let's celebrate with a listing of the greatest punctuation marks.

(5) Exclamation Points! Because there's no better way to end a good FUCK YOU than by adding a plethora of !!!!!!

(4) The Question Mark? Because Barney Stinson got laid off of a question mark, and because they are an open invitation to keep the conversation going.

(3) Colons: because lists are great, and they allow you to go on and on and on....

(2) Ellipsis......because they allow you to skip all the bullshit material that you don't want to talk about

(1) Parentheses ( ). Who doesn't a nice little aside, or going off into tangents mid sentence? Just be sure not to overuse them like I do.

(0) The Period. Yes! This post is finally over.

Woman of the Day

Naomi Watts
Credits include: The Ring 1 & 2, King Kong, Mulholland Drive, 21 Grams

In addition to being stunningly beautiful, this Australian actress is one of the most, if not the most talented actresses of this generation. Her ability to capture every single range of emotion, and play a wide array of characters is something that few in her field can boast of. Although The Ring was her breakout performance, her performance in Mulholland Drive should have landed her an Oscar. Her "character(s)" undergo(es) several metamorphoses throughout the film, and she captures every one of them with impeccable precision. The "audition scene" is one of the most well-acted scenes this decade. I have nothing but praise for this fantastic actress, and would instantly recommend any film that she appears in.

Time to Make Up...

for super homo emo posts last night. After all the love people have been giving TDMOM1313 lately, you were "rewarded" with that whiny garbage. Sigh let's start the night off with things that are so refreshing:

- getting a haircut meaning no messing around with the hair for at least a couple of weeks
- a full tank of gas. Damn you Ryan and you're run it until the line is on the E policy, that's like 3 tanks in a row that I've run down about as far as they can go
- narrowly missing crashing into a parked car while checking out the SUUPER hot chick in the car next to me
- blogging instead of studying for my saturday morning exam in my online course. sigh have yet to open the book yet (although I'm somewhat familiar with the material already from prior courses). Tomorrow is gonna be a LONG DAY!
- The Dodgers whittling their magic number down to 4
- Two more days until college football saturdays
- Three more days until NFL Sunday and PuntingIsWinning vs. The hakeem hicks

Desperate Attempt to Save this Miserable Night of Blogging: SUPER HOT CHICK OF THE DAY!

Kaley Cuoco:

credits include: 8 Simple Rules, and the Big Bang Theory
Claim to Fame: Ummm being super super hot


Alright well this night of blogging has just gone to hell in a handbasket, and yes like nearly all of tonight's posts were super emo and uber ghey, so I deserve all of the flaming and ridicule that you can throw at me. That being said, coming from somebody who doesn't have that special someone, and probably never will, I cannot describe in words how happy I am for all of my friends that have that, and wish you nothing but the best. Looking forward to all your guys' weddings so much, they will truly be joyous occasions, and amazing events with all of the people that I love.

Other reasons that weddings will be great from a selfish standpoint:

- tons of hot single vulnerable chicks to hit on
- Ummm the bachelor parties lDO

The Number 5

Just noticed, that my friends and I have an affinity for that number, and I have no idea why. Most of my top "x" reasons blog posts are "5", and whenever we like to exaggerate things, it always seems to be in multiples of 5, i.e. 5,000 or 5 million. Just a weird random observation, but hey that's what this blog is all about.

5 Reasons why I am Stoked for October

(1) The MLB Playoffs: Can't remember a year when all of the playoff teams were so balanced. Even the Tigers (assuming they hold off the Twins) have a solid top of the rotation in Verlander and Jackson, and red hot MCab and Guillen. This year, it truly is anybody's crown for the taking.

(2) College Football kicking into prime gear, with conference play getting under way, the annual Red River Shootout, SEC clashes galore, and the tradition of USC-Notre Dame in South Bend.

(3) The NFL season entering the heart of the season, and bye weeks and injuries driving fantasy football geeks off the wall crazy.

(4) Ryan, Morgan, and Hillary's birthdays, and concluding the month with Halloween. That's a lot of really really great times, with great friends.

(5) "Law Abiding Citizen" the Movie starring Gerard Butler and Jamie Foxx. The trailer looks soooooo sick.

Best TV Show Theme Songs

#5: The OC....anybody in their mid-late 20's who hears the beginning of that tune immediately gets goosebumps as they reminisce their college days

#4- The Fresh Prince of Bel Air: In West Philadephia I was born and know the rest!

#3- Family Matters: It's a rare condition this day in age...(perfection, and I don't care what anybody says Carl Winslow was the best TV dad ever)

#2- How I Met Your Mother: The definition of Short and sweet, and the full song titled "Hey Beautiful" by the Solids is a great song, with the band being composed of the show's creators and their friends. Check it out.

#1- Always has been and always will be Cheers. Who doesn't want to go somewhere where everybody knows their name?

On Second Thought

You should read the post below this one first, so this will make more sense.

I'm done trying to be Mr. Nice Guy around girls. I've always gone out of my way to try and be "nice" and impress girls that I've been into, and based on my results, and thanks to some posts unrelated to my failures posted in OT, I can see now that that is NOT the way to go. First of all, Hillary, Heather, and Morgan are the only three non-family member females in my life who deserve such treatment. Love you women, you're not just my buddies' g/f's, you're like sisters to me, and you know that I would do anything for you.

Secondly, by being such an emo faggot, I just come off as desperate, and pathetic to these girls, and they're not going to take me seriously, and just use me, and take advantage of my kindness. Third, in my entire life every girl (sans the one girl who I never expressed my feelings to) whom I have ever "liked" or cared about has shot me down faster than a Neftali Feliz fastball. Even when we go out to bars and clubs, chicks give me the cold shoulder, and you know what I'm done with that, at least for now.

Why waste blogging time and energy investing myself in a girl that could care less about me. If I develop a very good chemistry with a girl, or some girl shows interest in me, then I'll reciprocate, and of course when going out to bars and clubs, and I've got a good buzz going, I'll at least attempt to hit on hotties, but I am DONE being a pushover, and DONE letting chicks walk over me like a fucking carpet.

Pretty Embarrassing Woman Fail

Haven't posted one of these in a while, and I promised you other single people out there that I'd make you feel better about your failures, so here you go.

Alright so a female friend of mine (that's all the details you're going to get about her) whom I was definitely interested in, posted on her facebook status for like 3 straight days that she needed a friend to go to a concert with her. On the 3rd day she was basically begging somebody, anybody to go with her, so I sent her a message offering to go with her. Now we know each other well enough that I'm not coming off as a creep here, and she should feel comfortable going with me, but we're not best friends, if that makes any sense. I guess I should specify that she wasn't just a facebook friend, we know each other through some other medium, but I'm not going to specify what that is. Well she didn't respond (and she's a facebook nut, updates her status like 10 times a day, so I know she got it). I run into her the other day, I don't mention it, but she tells me that she decided to not go after all.

Sigh, she would rather not go at all than go with me. Don't think that I came off as desperate at all, I've always been very casual and tried to keep an aura of mystery around me when I've been around her and talked to her, but yet I still somewhere either fucked up beyond belief, or am that fucking ugly that she blew me off like that. Ohh well, time to move on, but still God it hurts one's ego to get putdown that badly, I mean she could have just gone with me as friends, and then if I tried to take it any farther just given me the "Friend zone" speech. I could ramble on and on, about other emo bullshit, or lie and say I'm over it, when clearly I'm not, but I need to end this long ass clusterfuck of a post.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A Reintroduction to The Daily Musings of marc1313

Alright since there have been a lot of new visitors coming in the past few weeks, I would like to first of all thank you all for visiting. Please spread the word, and help make this blog the new "hot spot" on the web. The more people that visit, and the more positive feedback that I receive, the more frequently I will post, and want to post.

My Mission Statement: I, marc1313 do promise to keep you my loyal readers forever entertained. Whether you're having a bad day, need to know who to sit/start in ffb, or just need a good laugh, this is the one stop shop to solve your woes, and temporarily escape from your problems.

What you can expect to find here
- Lots of Baseball, Football, and now Hockey discussion. Fantasy sports advice, and my views on all sorts of sports related topics, and my predictions about upcoming events
- Humorous anecodotes from my real life, and of course my epic fails with women (if you think that you're bad with the opposite sex, just come here, and I promise you will feel a lot better).
- Totally Random Observations about all aspects of life
- Movie, TV, Music, and other entertainment reviews and discussions
- Food, Drink, and Fashion talk
- Insane Crazy Rants about ra tards
- Shout outs to people who are awesome
- Basically anything else "fun"

What you will NOT find here:
- Political discussions: I hate all 99% of those lying, corrupt scumbags on both sides of the aisle with a fervent passion, and will not talk about politics sans a story that is even more egregious than usual comes out, that requires a long rant.
- Any other talk about the news. I don't watch the news, because all that it does is put me in a terrible mood.
- Discussion of serious controversial subjects: I don't want to piss people off, and there's no reason to get upset myself, so I'm not even going to get started. Fun controversy like the DH, Megan Fox's hotness, or the Tuck Rule is always up for discussion.

3 Minute Dinner Ideas

Thank me later stressed out moms, busy professionals/students, sports fanatics, and lazy bachelors.

Kids driving you crazy, and you have too much housework to do? Have a big work/school project that you have to get done, and have no time to cook or leave the house? Big game on and you don't want to miss a pitch or play, and only have commercial time free? Flat out lazy and incapable of driving to the nearest fast food joint? Whatever your reason, here are some quick dinner ideas that are sure to appease the entire community.

(1) Stouffer's Microwave Dinners. Just had the Rigatoni w/Chicken and DE-LIGHT-FUL, and surprisingly filling. They only take 3 minutes to microwave, so perfect for in between innings/during bathroom breaks.

(2) Add in the following order: One piece White Bread, one piece swiss cheese, 0.5 small bags lays potato chips, tons and tons of luncheon meats, two pieces of swiss cheese, tons and tons of luncheon meats, the rest of your potato chips, one piece of swiss cheese, one more piece of white bread. ENJOY!!!!

(3) One bag Cheetos Puffs. One 12 pack of your favorite beer. Consume all of both, and 1. you'll be surprised how full you become 2. All of your problems will go away 3. New problems will surely arise 4. Fuck the new problems, This is Fucking Awesome!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Ultimate 12 Song CD

Not saying these songs are "critically" good, but if I can only listen to 12 songs the rest of my life, these would probably be them. Yes my tastes are VERY wide ranging.

1. "American Girl" by Tom Petty
2. "Papercut" by Linkin Park.....Old Linkin Park>>>>> New Linkin Park
3. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix a Lot
4. "California Love" by 2pac
5. "This Modern Love" by The Bloc Party
6. "There is a light that never goes out" by The Smiths
7. "Because I got High" by Afroman
8. "Angels Wings" (acoustic version) by Social Distortion
9. "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond
10. "One Year Six Months" by Yellowcard
11. "God Bless America"
12. "Story of my Life" by Social Distortion

Square Hamburgers


- more square inches of patty
- Wendy's has a really freakin good value menu, and their shakes are fantastic
- something new, something different, thinking outside the box


- What's next: purple french fries, super diet soda? enough's enough, we have to draw the line somewhere damnit!
- They're just flat out un-American

NFL Week 3 Thoughts and Predictions

(1) LOL at the Washington Redskins and their asshat of a backup linebacker who played ZERO plays the entire game: Robert Henson. Let's put aside your disgraceful playing and coaching performance, but calling out your own fans, calling them "asshats" and "9 to 5 McDonalds workers" is not going to make things better. Worry about your own problems, play better, or in Henson's case, play at all, and maybe the fans will let up. Without their hard earned money and support, you would have no career, and most likely working at McDonalds yourself you asshat.

(2) Cowboys fans relax the world is not coming to an end. Although I despise your team with every fiber of my being, Tony Romo is a great NFL Quarterback and combined with Jerry Jones' propensity for spending, you will soon get to the promised land. It probably won't be this year though. If Eli Manning with a very inexperienced and unproven receiving core can shred your secondary like that, I can't see you fairing too well against the Saints, Falcons, or any of the other upper echelon NFC teams. The Boys still need a star receiver to complement the dynamic Barber/Jones combo, (Witten is a stud, but Dallas just doesn't have that big time playmaker, or just the threat that draws double teams that they had with TO). I can still see Dallas making the playoffs, but the Giants or a healthy Eagles are more well suited to ship the division this year.

(3) Not that anything said in number 2 matters, because the Falcons are shipping it all this year. Drew Brees is due for at least somewhat of a regression, and when he does, their defensive issues will be exposed, and the Falcons incredible offensive balance, and improving defense will win them the South. With the addition of Tony Gonzalez to an already strong receiving core, no team in the NFC has the offensive balance that the Falcons do, and teams that can run the football effectively to set up playaction are the ones that tend to win football games in the months of December and January.

(4) Still can't believe that Eugene lost despite accumulating 130 fantasy points this week in a 12 man non PPR, no flex league. Such a sick sick loss.

(5) Despite some unreal collapses on defense, including a play in which Chris Johnson literally went uncovered for a 69 yard score, great bounce back win for the Texans. Andre Johnson is a straight stud, and I've been saying it the past month, Matt Schaub is going to be a top 5 FFB QB this season.

Fantasy Football Week 3 Studs

- All Philadelphia Eagles: umm they're playing the Chiefs do I really need to explain any more. With Westbrook possibly being out, LeSean McCoy MUST be owned in every single league, if he's not already.

- Mario Manningham: becoming Eli's favorite target, and the Bucs defense has had a penchant for giving up long pass plays in the first two weeks

- Steve Smith (CAR): Delhomme played better last week throwing for over 300 yards, and Dallas' secondary was obliterated last week. Smith is a monster and should have his breakout game this week.

- Joe Flacco and Willis McGahee: The Ravens offense is in a groove, if you're a Donovan McNabb owner, or your QB has an ugly matchup this week, give Flacco a play this week.

- Denver Defense: Elvis Dumervil and the Broncos D are playing with a fire right now, and a matchup against an Oakland team that was anemic against the hapless Chiefs should provide more of the same.

Fantasy Football Week 3 Duds

- Chris Johnson: A date with the stingy Jets defense should result in a regression to the mean. Not saying he's going to lay a goose egg, but can't see him breaking 100 total yards this week, as the Jets will be keying in on him given the Titans' lack of a vertical threat.

- Braylon Edwards: The Browns have scored one offensive touchdown in two games, and that came in the final minute of a blowout loss. They cannot run the football with any sort of effectiveness right now, and a trip to Baltimore is going to mean a lot of pain for the new Browns against the old Browns.

- The Saints Running Game: They can't pick a Starter to save their lives, Pierre Thomas and Mike Bell are both "Questionable", the carries expect to get shared anyways, Buffalo is stingy against the run, but has been obliterated by the passing game. No reason not to expect Drew Brees to throw it 40+ times.

Next Year's Interleague Schedule

The Dodgers have a murderous schedule, and this is one of the problems that I have with interleague play, as I doubt any other team is looking at this:

- 3 vs. Yankees
- 3 at Boston
- Home and Home vs. Angels

That's 12 murder games while other NL teams will surely be feasting on the likes of the Royals, A's, Orioles, etc. That being said, this should make for one hell of an awesome month. 3 at home against the Yankees will be amazing, Chavez Ravine will be absolutely rocking for three straight sell out games, as Torre reunites with Jeter, Posada, Rivera, and Co., although hopefully we get that reunion in late October as well. The home and home with the Angels should be festive and competitive as always, but the big story in my opinion, is Manny's return to Fenway (assuming he picks up his option for next year, which he would be crazy not to). The media hype for that series will be off the charts, and the atmosphere will be nothing less than a complete circus. Sure hope I can make it out there, as I've always wanted to go to Fenway.

What do you Want to See?

Always looking for feedback and ways to make this blog better. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read it, and want to keep you the readers entertained, so let me know. What random or sports related topics/issues would you like to see discussed, or would you rather see some more countdowns/funny stuff. I don't know, which is why I need YOUR help.


I'm both tired and wide awake, full and starving, but just feel "it" right now, so I'm gonna rapid fire posts out for like another hour, to keep my loyal readers entertained. There's really no point to this post, and NO I'm not drunk, just kind of in a very very trance like state, and my hands are typing this while my mind is off in la la land.

A couple other random observations:

- that Little Caesar's pizza from last week was VERY VERY bad for my digestive system
- I love the Smiths
- "This Modern Love" by the Bloc Party is quite possibly the greatest song ever recorded

Ryan and Hillary

(1) First off thank you for your continued support of the greatest blog that no one has heard about.

(2) Bro: Tomorrow night man, 3 am, meet at Chavez Ravine, drive the exact speed limit the entire time, and the 5 will definitely prove to be faster than the 60.

(3) Woman: Hush Puppies For Life. They're like the Hillary of shoes, just AWESOME and the BEST. One day woman, one day you and the rest of the world will come to see their greatness, and they'll be the "in" thing to wear. What can I say, I'm a trend starter.

CBS Mondays

So great to have them all back for another season. Love the feeling of coming home on Monday nights, knowing that I'm coming home to an hour and a half of "awesomeness" and laughs. The How I Met Your Mother premier was fantastic. "You're in the wrong room T Dog" was priceless, and Barney and Robin are so awesome together. The rapport between Charlie and Alan on 2.5 men is hilarious, and the cameo from Will Sasso from Mad TV was awesome. Finally on the Big Bang Theory, well Penny is OMFG hotter than ever. I mean do you really need another reason to watch? Well if you do, there's always the enjoyment of knowing that no matter how bad you epic fail with the ladies, there's always going to be someone who runs worse/is more incompetent than you, these 4 and yours truly being said example.

10 Signs That You're a Little too Obsessed with Fantasy Football

Eric, Paul, Ryan, and I are some sick human beings imo. But hey 3 of us are 2-0, with the 4th being a Ronnie Brown INSANE crazy monday night game away from being 2-0. You gotta be a little nuts if you PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!

(1) You do fist pumps in a restaurant bar when you're team's KICKER makes an extra point.

(2) You scream "NOOOO!!!" in same said restaurant anytime the ball is thrown in the direction of your opponent's WR!

(3) You have intense and vivid dreams about your next week's matchup. Apparently I'm going to be up 25 points after sunday's games, but my opponent will have DeAngelo + Romo versus my Nick Folk on Monday Night.

(4) The phrases "game time decision" and the ohh so overused "Questionable" piss you the fuck off, and make you want to stab kittens.

(5) The phrase "in one of my leagues" or "in my other league" are a permanent part of your vocabulary.

(6) Your facebook status updates are littered with fantasy football jargon.

(7a) You print or write out your all of your matchups for the week, and actually bring those sheets with you to the bar.

(7b) You have all of your team's players AND your opponent's players for that week memorized. Yes Paul that's for you.

(8) When driving to, and at a baseball game, you keep refreshing the NFL page on your phone every 15 seconds to see how your teams are doing. Yes that's you Ryan.

(9) You start calling yourself and your league mates by their ffb screen name, instead of their real name.

(10) You have a "top 10" blog post regarding fantasy football posted at 4:11 in the morning.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sports Weekend In Review

(1) Nothing in the world sweeter than winning a series from the Giants, narrowing the magic number to 8, with 12 to play, and all but knocking the hated ones out of the playoffs. Great win today, congrats to Andre the Giant on getting to 30/100. This will definitely not be his last 30/100 season. Let's finish the deal this week boys, because we badly need to get our starting rotation in order, and really need Billingsley to find his 1st half dominance again.

(2) Very very ugly performance by the Trojans on Saturday. Hats off to Washington, Sark, and Holt they played a nearly flawless game, and definitely deserved to win. Amazing how great the Trojan defense has played, considering they lost their entire front 7 to the NFL. Still, our problems at QB, and to be honest WR are going to be a continuing problem this season. A 3-4 loss season, is possible, but just take them one at a time, and I'm going to stay true to my team through thick and thin. Fight On and Beat the Cougars!

(3) It is going to be a VERRRRRRRRYYYY long season for the Kansas City Chiefs and their fans. Losing to the Raiders at home is about as bad as it gets. Good to see that they're competitive in these games, but 4 straight against the NFC East, and then the Chargers means that an 0-7 start is definitely possible, dare I say probable.

(4) Drew Brees and Chris Johnson are not real humans. PuntingIsWinning moves to 2-0 thanks to Andre Johnson's fantastic performance. Tough matchup next weekend against Paul. Really need to start getting some production from my RB2 slot...please get healthy Pierre Thomas!

(5) The Cowboys new stadium is absolutely amazing, and what an unbelievably great football game to break it in. Had a great time watching it with everybody, you are all great, and looking forward to many more NFL Sundays with you all this season, and for many seasons to come.

Friday, September 18, 2009

An Argument in Favor of Hush Puppies

(1) They are so so comfortable. Pretty much the perfect dancing shoes. Why kill your feet, and end your night earlier than you have to, when you don't have to.

(2) They're easy to slip on and off.

(3) Hush Puppies is a really cool sounding name. The words just go together perfectly imo.

(4) I enjoy wearing them, and they make me feel good.

(5) They're a very good litmus test. When meeting new females, if they say they like them, I know that they're either full of shit, or Dream Woman. I'm pretty sure I can differentiate between the two. If they say they don't like them, then NEXT, but at least I know that they're honest, and they definitely have friend/"Woman" potential.

Foods that Everyone Needs to Try before they Die!

(1) Carne Asada Tacos and/or Burritos from King Taco. Orgasmic: no other word can do them justice, just try it. I'm more than happy to pick you up and drive you there if you want, just don't interrupt me during my Dodger games.

(2) Popeyes Chicken: It's really just regular fried chicken to begin with, until God comes down from Heaven and does his miracles, just like "he came down from Heaven and stopped those mother fucking bullets". Please someone get the reference, but yea Popeyes chicken, fries, and biscuits are zOMG awesome. Now open in the food court at the Brea Mall for your convenience.

(3) Crescent Roll Hot Dogs. Not sure if these are common, or just a family thing, but I absolutely love these, and used to love making them when I was a kid. You take a hot dog, make a slit in it, pack in with cheese, place it in a crescent roll, and then throw 'em in the oven. Yum yum.

(4) Ruby's Bacon Cheesburger (Swiss Cheese) with fries and a coke. They blow Big Kahuna burgers, In n' Out, and all other comers out of the water. Always cooked to perfection, and I think the extra thick and crispy bacon is what makes it.

(5) Cheetos "Puffs" when you're with a group of friends, and all of your BAC's are over .20

(6) Moonstone Beach Bar and Grill Seafood Pasta. Been so long since I've been to Cambria, God I miss it so much, but this dish alone was worth the trip.

(7) Brian Parrelli's Lemon Chicken. He may think that Megan Fox is unattractive, but goddamn can this man cook, and this is his best dish. Plus lemon chicken is about as good as it gets to begin with.

Megan Fox

(1) Because there is no way in hell in 10 billion fucking years that there can ever be such a thing as too many Megan Fox threads.

(2) Because Brian, Heather, and Paul, and anyone else who nitpicks her, are all either blind or the super ghey for failing to recognize her super hotness. Come on if you're telling me that you (assuming you were single) wouldn't hit that, then there is something MAJORLY wrong with you.

(3) Because at least Ryan and Hillary, and every straight male in OT know insane sexiness when they see it.

(4) Because I came across this transcript while perusing the Dodgers' message board. Apparently she was being interviewed on Kevin and Bean:

Dave the King of Mexico: "How do you think the Dodgers will do in the playoffs?"
Megan: "I think they're going to win it all"

Monday, September 14, 2009

Despite All Prior Rants

I really did have a great weekend. Friday at least what I remember of it was tons of fun, the dinner was absolutely amazing, great to see all my friends there, some of whom I haven't seen in a while, and dancing was lots of fun. Still need to try and figure out who the random number I have in my phone belongs to. Sent that person (hopefully a hot single chick) a text, but got no reply. Saturday= The USC-Ohio State game was an all timer. Sunday= despite every result being just God awful, I still definitely had a good time. Champagne Brunch + lots of Blue Moon + 2 great friends + 2378780 football games on at once= Sunday Heaven.

Thanks to everyone who made this a great weekend, and looking forward to many many more great times to come in the near future.

FU BLACKBOARD X 27891347870

Why must you always be down at the worst possible time?!!! Well since I'm stuck in Mihaylo, and there's nothing else to do until it's up and running again, here's some rants from the weekend.

(1) Lost my fantasy baseball playoff matchup 6-5. Pretty much if any of my pitchers had given up one fewer walk or hit for the week, I would have won. That's how close it was. FML! Such a horrible and frustrating way to go out.

(2) Another tough defeat for the boys in blue yesterday. Billingsley really needs to get his shit together, if we're going to have any chance of winning in the playoffs. Wolf and Kershaw being banged up as well just has me full on panicked. Get well boys, we're gonna need all of our guns next month.

(3) Such a tough defeat for the Chiefs yesterday. They battled hard, and were tied with 2 minutes left, but just could not generate any sort of a pass rush the entire day, and no secondary in the world could have stopped Flacco and Co. with the amount of time that he was being afforded. Lets regroup, recover, and pound the Raiders into oblivion next week.

(4) Gonna be sweating out the late MNF game tonight. Ahead 35 points in this week's matchup, but my opponent has Rivers, McFadden, and Gates. Defensive struggle one time PLEASE!

The Greatest Text Message EVER!!!

"...YOU WIN! It was amazing. I concede my hatred of king." - Heather Owen

Paul bro, how the fuck do you fail to call me when you're going to King? That hurts man, that hurts my heart. Heather, that is awesome, see what happens when you try new things? Hillary: you are going to be the next who yields and recognizes the greatness that is King Taco, and Heather, Popeyes is next. Popeyes isn't like any other chicken, it's God's recipe for chicken.


In the computer lab trying to complete an online assignment that's due in a few hours, but there are just soooo many distractions:

(1) facebook
(2) desire to keep blogging
(3) the SUUUUUUPER hot chick that is sitting directly across from me

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I'm Feeling Kinda Sunday!!!

Game 144 of the MLB Season and the last day of the FBB Quarterfinals + Week 1 of the NFL and the FFB Season + Lots of Food and Lots of Beer + sharing it with some great friends= Heaven on Earth!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

What an Unbelievable Football Game!

Couldn't have scripted it any better myself. Good hard hitting, physical defensive struggle, and with the game on the line in the 4th quarter, Matt Barkley and Joe McKnight come up HUGE, and lead the Men of Troy to a HUGE WIN! Lets keep it rolling next week boys. Fight On and Beat the Huskies!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Repost but STFU!!!!


1. Dodgers- Giants with a chance to all but lock up a playoff spot, and virtually knock the hated ones at the same time. Lets Go Blue, Sweep those Bastards!

2. USC-Ohio State: Fight On and Beat the Buckeyes!

3. NFL Week 1. Please pull off the miracle Chiefs, and Go PuntingIsWinning!

4. In a huge dogfight in the fantasy baseball playoffs. Come on JJ and Saunders, lets get the weekend off to a good start tonight!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

2009 NFL Predictions

AFC East: New England Patriots. One of the two best QB's in NFL history throwing to the 2nd best receiver in NFL history= anything less than a ring is a major letdown.

AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers. Defense defense defense.

AFC South: Houston Texans. Revamped and improving defense, and an explosive offense. Look for Matt Schaub to have a MONSTER season, and he has plenty of weapons to throw to. Slaton, Johnson, Walter, and Daniels will all be huge FFB assets.

AFC West: Kansas City Chiefs. HOMER PICK obv. but I just loathe the Chargers with every fiber of my being, and can't pick them here.

NFC East: New York Football Giants. Their lack of a deep threat in their passing game shouldn't matter, as they've gotten healthier on defense, and will be able run the football down the throats of anybody behind one of the NFL's top offensive lines.

NFC North: Green Bay Packers. Rodgers and the passing game are firing on all cylinders in the preseason, and Grant is healthy. Should be a very competitive division, but I like the Pack, mainly because I have 3 of their players on my FFB team.

NFC South: Atlanta Falcons. The addition of Tony Gonzalez gives one of the league's better offenses another huge weapon.

NFC West: Seattle Seahawks. After being decimated by injury last year, they will make a return to the playoffs this season. Arizona will still throw for a billion yards, but the Seahawks are the more complete team.

AFC Wildcards: Ravens and Colts
NFC Wildcards: Eagles and Panthers

NFL MVP: Tom Brady
NFL Offensive Player of the Year: Aaron Rodgers
NFL Defensive Player of the Year: Troy Polamalu

Super Bowl: Atlanta Falcons beat New England Patriots

Yet Another Crazy Dream

Frantically writing it now before I forget it. I'm trying to make sense of how we ended up here, as some of the scenes were Mulholland Drive ish, but I THINK my buddies and I were out celebrating my friend Eric's (who plays college baseball) call up to the major leagues. I'm unclear as to what city we were in, but it was definitely NOT Los Angeles. I needed a place to crash for the night, even though I wasn't drinking, so my buddy RJ whom I haven't actually seen in a long time lends me his place for the night.

We get there, and I ask him if he's living with anybody else, and he says just his grandma, and points to an old lady on the 2nd floor who is walking into one of the bedrooms, "But she's so old, and she hasn't heard anything in over 20 years, make yourself at home. She sleeps 23 hours a day too, so don't mind her". I crash on the couch, turn off the lights, and fall asleep. I keep getting woken up by somebody coming next to the couch, sitting on the chair next to me, rocking back and forth, and then getting up after a minute or two. After about the fifth time this happens, I look to see who it is, and realize it is an old man, so I'm starting to get a little nervous. RJ spoke nothing of an old man. After he leaves the room, I turn on the lights, and a whole shit ton of people start to enter the room. Never found out who they were, ohh boy I'm starting to forget everything, and this is getting long so Cliffs Notes time....(in no particular order...the order of my dreams is always very confusing)

- The younger people who are in the room are all very friendly and nice, but scared, scared of a lot of things
- There is something VERY WRONG with this house itself, as well as the old man and the old lady but nobody wanted to talk about it
- Everybody is BEYOND terrified of using the restroom. The restroom was open down the hall, I could see it was a normal looking restroom beckoning me to come in, but I took a pass. I guess they just pee in cups all day long. There was some kind of supernatural force that just pushed me away from going in there all night, despite the fact that my bladder was exploding.
- When the old man came back again he screamed at me for being a jackass (I did or said nothing to him), called me a Jap, and told me to get the fuck out of his house.
- There is a cabinet door right next to the front door. I experience an intense feeling of deja vu, and something tells me that that door leads down to a cellar or some sorts (I know I've seen that door before either in a dream or in real life) RJ tells me, you really really really don't want to go down that door.
- The old lady's room is another place they tell me that I really really don't want to go into
- The fear in these people's eyes when they are telling me all of these things is what scares me the most. They're all just terrified by the old man/woman, and the house. Whenever the old man or woman says something, 5 of them immediately run to them and meet the demand.
- Some random asian repairman shows up even though it's like 4 in the morning, and I just decide to get the fuck out while I'm still alive.

Driving Rants

1. Bicyclists: Are you all determined to die? Have any of you ever heard of fucking looking before you cross the street? Are you goddamn color blind? Red lights apply to you too, just thought I'd let you know.

2. Pedestrians who when crossing the street take their sweet ass time. No that long line of cars you see, they're not waiting for you. They're just admiring your new haircut, you slow selfish piece of shit. Fwiw when I'm by myself, I almost always run when crossing the street, because I know how maddening this is. I don't expect everyone to run, but at least cross with some sort of speed.

3. Two lane bitches: Male or Female. Please please please just pick a FUCKING lane! I don't give a fuck which one you pick, but just pick one NOW!

4. People who drive slow in the left lane: Move to England!

5. Asians: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???!!!!!!

Switching to Hip Hop Music

and I'm feeling it, "Walk it Out" here come some better posts.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Man Law Violation Yes or No?

The characters:
Guy 1= Fred
Guy 2= Barney
Girl 1= Wilma
Girl 2= Betty

shit i never watched the Flintstones, so hopefully I didn't fuck the names/pairings up. on second thought why the fuck didn't i just say guy A/guy B, etc. i'm a fucking ra tard but anyways STFU and focus your input is needed.

Alright it is Betty's birthday, and she is celebrating with her boyfriend Barney, their friend Fred, and her friend Wilma. Fred and Wilma have never met, but Fred finds Wilma attractive, so he asks Barney, "Is Wilma single?" Barney tells him yes she is, to which Fred replies, "Good to know, because I'd hit that".

A few days later, Betty tells Fred, "So you think Wilma's hot huh?" putting Fred in an uncomfortable position, and on the spot. Obviously Barney spilled the beans. Now, has he violated man law by telling his g/f what his buddy told him under the presumed level of confidence that exists between two male friends, or was he right in telling her, hoping that Betty could maybe hook them up/because a guy should tell his g/f everything?

FUCK I fucked this post up really bad, hope it makes sense. I'm definitely off my game today.

More Underrated Things

- spell check: imagine the chaos, insanity, and freak outs that grammar Nazis like yours truly would endure if this did not exist. I mean ffs I made two minor errors in this short blurb alone that would have stayed there to the our ire if it weren't for spell check.

- pillows
- capital letters: best way to make your point is to SCREAM
- swivel chairs

5 Underrated Things in no particular order

1. Oscillating fans- seriously if you don't have A/C *raises hand* or don't want to run the A/C, oscillating fans to the rescue.

2. Paper Towels- good for spills, good for napkins, good for just about anything. Like the Queen in chess, and #3, they are so multidimensional, and the best friend of stressed out mothers and lazy single guys everywhere.

3. The "F" Word and it's variations- adjective, noun, verb, it can fit whatever part of speech you want, can be used for so many different purposes, and I mean come on, nothing makes your point better than saying "FUCK YOU" to somebody.

4. Water- Whether you want to go swimming, take a shower, wash your hands, drink some, cure a hangover, water your garden, or cool yourself off, water is ALWAYS there for you. It truly is your best friend.

5. Traffic Lights: Laugh all you want, but try and imagine a world without them.

September Baseball

The combination of the Dodgers' stretch run, RevengeoftheNerd's desperate final month push, and marc1313's playoff match in the $50 ot H2H league has me so goddamn nervous and panicked. This can't be good for my heart, every game is just pins and fucking needles.

Monday, September 7, 2009

5 Things Most of You Haven't Seen But Should

1. "Monk" (tv series): A great comedy and drama about an obsessive compulsive detective who suffers a breakdown after his wife's murder, but still works as a police consultant. Amazing acting by the title character played by Tony Shalhoub, as each week's episode sees our hero solve a murder case while battling OCD, and slowly trying to put his life back together with his assistant/confidante Natalie, and best friend Capt. Stottlemyre. This show blends a perfect mix of comedy and drama that and gives equal focus to the week's case, as well as "the bigger picture", with some episodes focusing on Monk working to get his badge back, and find his wife's killer(s). Now entering its final season, this is definitely one to buy on DVD, and try to catch up on.

2. "True Romance" (movie): Tarantino's first screenplay, that has a nice mix of comedy, drama, suspense, action, and of course a great love story. It's impossible not to fall in love with Clarence and Alabama. I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but ffs Tarantino wrote it, that should be enough. The "Sicilian" scene is simply amazing, with Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper at their best, and look out for an absolutely hilarious yet brief appearance from Brad Pitt as a pot head friend of the heroes.

3. "Mulholland Drive" (movie): David Lynch turns in a complete masterpiece in one of the greatest mindfuck movies ever made. After my first viewing I simply sat in complete shock, with absolutely no idea what I had just seen (but in a good way if that makes sense). Kind of like Pulp Fiction/Memento, in the sense that there are a billion different story lines and random characters inserted, and the order in which things happen is extremely confusing, but MD takes it to a whole new level. Naomi Watts turns in her usual outstanding performance, hitting every single range of emotion one can experience in life with dead-on perfection. She is one of the most talented and beautiful women in Hollywood in this blogger's opinion.

4. "Why Women Can't Drive" (youtube): I know a lot of my blog posts seem really misogynistic, but I really am not one. Women are awesome, I treat them with nothing but respect, and I love them, but this video is absolutely hilarious, and a must see regardless of your gender.

5. The Pico Rivera King Taco at midnight on a Friday or Saturday night. Paul will vouch for me on this one. It really is quite the site to see. Basically the entire city of Pico is present, and it is not uncommon for it to take over half an hour from the time you enter the door, until the time you get your food (and they prepare food hella fast). But, as soon as you take that first bite, you remember why you waited so long.

7 Reasons why the next 170 Hours of Sports should be LEGENDARY!!!

(1) Dodgers-Giants this weekend
(2) USC-Ohio State on Saturday at the Shoe
(3) Fantasy Baseball Playoffs Quarterfinal Round
(4) Week 1 of the NFL Season, beginning with an awesome Thursday Night Matchup (Titans-Steelers)
(5) Week 1 of the Fantasy Football Season. PuntingIsWinning is gonna ship it in all 3 leagues.
(6) Six more games in which I get to watch Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier play baseball.
(7) CFB starting= Lots more airtime for Erin Andrews

Two Recurring Dreams...Thoughts/Analysis anyone?

Alright as many of you know, since my splenectomy a few years ago, I have nightmares/unpleasant dreams just about every single night, so nothing really fazes me, but these two definitely caught my attention due to their complete randomness, and intensity. Any dream analysts out there, or wanna be Freuds want to offer up their opinions/analysis?

Dream #1: I "wake up" in my bed, and am usually drenched in sweat, in pain, or something else unpleasant is going on. Sometimes there is action and/or people around, and sometimes there is not. Anyways, I am unable to speak (it's almost like my mouth is closed shut like in the Matrix), my entire body is completely, or almost completely paralyzed, and occasionally I am blind and/or deaf. I desperately attempt to move around or talk, and sometimes I'm able to roll myself out of bed but once I'm on the floor I can't move any farther beyond where I landed.

Now this sequence lasts for ohh say 2-5 minutes, before I "wake up" AGAIN, and the same sequence repeats itself. There are usually around 5 sequences of this, before I wake up for real.

Dream #2: Let me preface this by saying that I have no fear of heights, water (I can't swim well but I love pools and going to the beach), or extreme activity. I've always wanted to go skydiving. Ok, in this dream, there are two platform/loading dock type things about a mile or so apart from each other, and about 5-6 stories high. In between them is a lake, and there is no other way to get from one side to the other, unless you swim, or paraglide.

Some external force (in the most recent dream it was two very unpleasant human beings with guns) forces me and sometimes a couple of my friends to paraglide from one side to the other, in order to achieve safety. Now on top of that, I am always forced (for one reason or another) to carry a bunch of very heavy stuff whilst paragliding, and dropping any of said items somehow results in my death.

Alright shoot away....yes I know I'm a sick crazy fuck who is beyond all help.

Man Law Violation Yes or No?

Alright Man "A" walks into an empty public restroom, that has 3 urinals (with dividers between each) and 2 stalls. Since there's no one else there, he obviously goes to use urinal "A", since it is the closest to the door and the sink. While he is in the middle of relieving himself, man "B" walks into the restroom, and proceeds to go to urinal "B" instead of urinal "C".

Now obviously if there were no dividers there has been a definite man law violation, but does the existence of the dividers make this an acceptable practice?

Who's Awesome?

You're AWESOME for reading this blog. Shoutouts to all my awesome readers in alphabetical order, tell your friends so that when TDMOM1313 becomes the next big thing, you can say that you were there from the beginning. Sorry if I missed you, but let me know if you're reading, and always feel free to give me some advice, or suggest topics you want to see discussed.

Heather: Because you voluntarily learned how to keep score, and have gotten hooked on it, and because you just crush my soul every time we debate something.

Hillary: Because "just kidding", sailing, and honking your horn in tunnels are just a few examples of why everybody loves Hillary, and you always get nice drunk dials.

Michelle: Because you are the only person that I know who's as big of a grammar/spelling nazi as I am, and you're the only person I know who curses anywhere near as much as I do.

Mrs. Owen: Because your facebook comments to Heather and Paul are zOMG hilarious, and you laughed rather than got mad when you discovered the "cards" that I acquired in Vegas.

Ryan: Because for the past 10 years, you have been my mother fucking brother, and because Jamieson simply cannot be beat!!!

Being Single vs. Being in a Relationship

I will not offer my own opinion, but merely break down the pros/cons of each side of the coin for guys only (WTF you honestly expected me to do a write up on the life of single women, if I understood them at all, I'd be out banging one of them right now), and let the readers decide.

Single Life Pros
- You get to have sex with whoever you want
- Being able to openly talk about hot chicks with your guy friends, w/o having to worry about your woman scolding/getting pissed off at you
- You can say/do insane stupid shit, w/o having to worry about your woman getting all P/O ed.
- Freedom to do what you want when you want, and not having to do stupid woman activities.

Single Life Cons
- Sleeping with whoever you want may result in you getting teh AIDS
- Holy crap this is uber ghey, but sometimes you want that "connection" that all of your relationship friends have. A sort of emptiness in your life so to speak.
- Not having someone watching/judging you to make sure that you don't do insane crazy stupid shit that you later regret.
- Trying to pick up single chicks is NOT easy, especially for the unattractive mother fuckers among us.

Relationship Pros
- Having that special someone and a sense of stability in your life
- Sex with a chick you obv. find attractive on a regular basis
- Someone that you can ALWAYS talk to about any and everything.
- Being loved truly and deeply by someone that you deeply care about as well.

Relationship Cons
- Having to do all sorts of dumb shit for her
- Dealing with crazy ass mood swings, that time of the month, and other times where those women go off and start talking crazy fucking talk.
- Not being able to hit on any other women, unless you feel like getting your ass kicked
- Going to chick flicks, operas, and other girly activities that make you want to stab kittens

The WORST Movie EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Final Destination: just all around awfulness in every aspect of film criticism. The only two good things about the movie were: one of the previews looks amazing, "The Fourth Kind", and a certain scene where lets just say a VERRRYYY attractive female is umm engaging in some "immoral" activity.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

12:43 AM on a Thursday Morning

and it is 10 billion fucking degrees outside. Oscillating fan is on full blast, and about 8 inches from my face, and I'm still sweating my ass off. Guess all those global warming geeks were right.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


My birthday soiree has a severe deficiency of them. Lets analyze why this is bad for EVERYBODY!

- Girls: There will be fewer females for you to talk to, hence there is a greater chance that you will become bored unless you want to talk about PPR, and OPS all night long.

- Guys in relationships: Your woman is going to be bored, hence will be bothering you all night long, and you won't be able to talk with the guys, or (hit on hot single chicks.....just kidding as hillary would say).

- Single guys: No one to hit on, and we'll be fighting over the few single chicks that randomly show up wherever we are.

Cliffs Notes: I need to figure out a way to get hot single chicks there. Fuck!

Asian Driving

Alright so the other night I was the DD, and we went down to downtown Long Beach for dinner, and I had to parallel park, in this busy residential neighborhood. Well as some of you may know, parallel parking is my biggest issue when it comes to driving, so it took me several tries before I was able to park the car. When I finally accomplished the task, the residents of the neighborhood who were all hanging out in front of their homes drinking and chilling gave me a standing ovation. I of course took my bow. Sigh way to confirm stereotypes Marc!

My Spiel on Women and their Weight (This is for Heather and Michelle, the only two people who I think read this blog)

Alright first of all, I didn't know it was spelled spiel. I always thought it was "schpiel" but hey you learn something new everyday right? Damn that spelling just does not look right, but I guess it is so whatever. Anyways:

(1) Why do women, and to a lesser extent men care so much about "eating healthy" and losing weight. Especially people (like you two) who are in a strong relationship. I mean I highly doubt that your significant other cares about your weight (they love you for who you are). Who else are you trying to impress, because there is no one else who you need to impress, and FFS (for fuck's sake) neither of you, nor most of the people who always complain about their weight have anything to worry about anyways. I'm probably coming off as a prick asshole here, but that is not my intention, I just want people to understand that while obviously you might feel good by being in shape, it is not the be all and end all, and that being a quality human being is far more important than being as skinny as Keira Knightley.

(2) Single women: Seriously, if you're an awesome person, I and any single guy who matters will fall in love with your personality, and not judge you based on whether or not you're a size 6 or 7 (no idea if that's small or big, just throwing out numbers). Why would you want to be with someone who's only into you because of your looks?

Closing: Sorry if I was dickheadish here, but I just want all Human Beings reading this to understand my line of thinking. You only live once, live and enjoy life, and don't let pretentious and simpleton ideals guide your life. Be a good person, be good to the people that you care about, and you should find happiness in life.

F%$K X 1000000000

- The Dodgers can't hit to save their lives
- Rafael Furcal is the worst leadoff hitter in baseball
- Manny is worthless without his "WOMAN" pills
- I am clumsy as fuck, so my spanish rice tastes like Crown Royal