Sunday, September 27, 2009

8 Fashion Tips to Survive the 2010's

All right while most of you female readers are super awesome and love sports, you of course can get "sick" of it after a while, so tonight there will be a change of pace. The 2000's are coming to an end, and boy what a dreadful decade of clothes and style that they were. Here are some helpful tips that you should adopt NOW, in preparation for the new decade, so that you can be cool before everyone else that you know becomes "cool".

(1) Women: Glasses. Not sunglasses, just regular I can't see a fucking thing without them glasses. Contacts cause you pain, they get lost, and they're a pain in the ass to take in and out. They will die away as they deserve to. Glasses are flat out HOT on a chick, they give her a sort of mysterious seductive look to her, and will be THE BIG THING next decade. Even women with 20/20 will be lining up to get them.

(2) Men: Stripes on stripes. This creates a "straight line" among your clothes, and just look damn good. Who doesn't love symmetry?

(3) Women: Quiet Slipper like shoes replacing high heels and boots. This is good for a variety of reasons: super tall chicks are a turnoff, the loud clacking of the dance shoes that women wear now is fucking annoying, they will be cheaper, and you're feet won't be in blinding pain.

(4) Men: If you are not on the clock or driving, take off your fucking blue tooths. On the job or driving, ok that's understandable, that's what they were made for. However guys who wear their blue tooths while just hanging out, to "look cool or sophisticated" are complete tools, and deservedly receive insta douche status.

(5) Women: Sports Jerseys. Because they make 5's look like 7's, and 8's look like 10's. Sorry to the 4's and below, but until I've had that 10th beer, you're still ugly.

(6) Men: Sports Jerseys. There's currently a bit of a social stigma when you wear your jersey and it's not gameday, but this will change. True fans know that being a true fan is a 365.25 day/year job, and the rest of society will begin to become more tolerant and accepting of the disease that is being a sports sicko.

(7) SUPER HOT CHICKS: (8.5-10's only): mini mini skirts and tops revealing even more cleavage, but not too much. There needs to be something left to the imagination.

(8) Men: Of course, the Hush Puppies. Why? Well I think I've covered this already. Get a pair now, enjoy a comfort that your feet have never felt before, and thank me later.

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