Friday, December 4, 2009

The Art of the Drunk Dial

Aww who among us hasn't been on both ends of this super awesome, and never going to get old tradition. While I'm all in favor of letting people "do their own thing", and creativity and variance in your drunk dials is of vital importance, here are some helpful rules and reminders.

- Drunk dials should be made between the hours of 12am and 5am. Before midnight, and it's like come on there's no way you can be that trashed already, and after 5, it's like WTF are you still doing awake?

- If you remember making the phone call the next morning, then it was NOT a drunk dial, but just you being an annoying asshole/bitch to one of your friends.

- In order for it to count as a drunk dial, you must use one of the following two phrases: "I LOOOOOVEE YOU" or "Go Fuck Yourself"

- Drunk texting is NOT cool. I've become more open to the concept of text messaging, but drunkenness is the one area where I am refusing to yield.

- The tone of your drunk dial should remain consistent. Either you love the person, or hate the person, but you cannot and should not change mid-dial.

- No handoffs. This is YOUR dial, and your time to shine, don't hand the phone off to someone else and let them steal your thunder.

- Countdowns listing the reasons why you love/hate the person are always encouraged

- Drunk dialing your exes is always allowed, if not strongly encouraged. Venting to them will make you feel better about yourself, them hearing how fucked up you are, will make them feel better about themselves, and your friends getting to hear you make an ass of yourself will have them ROFL! EVERYBODY WINS!

- Giving the recipient an entire breakdown of your night is generally frowned upon, but can be very helpful in reconstructing your evening the next morning.

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