Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Helpful Hints to Make This New Year's Eve Better

- Throw aside all sense of sanity and just fucking drink, and when you can't drink anymore, DRINK SOME MORE!!! Stop being a pussy and GO!

- Have a plan. It's New Year's Eve, you better not be fucking driving first of all, and have a plan in place or you're most likely going to be royally fucked.

- Stay unattached. New Year's Eve= TONS of single, desperate, and hornyness out there. This is NOT the night to have a significant other. Pretty much the greatest singles night ever, because EVERYONE is going to be shitfaced wasted, and looking to get some.

- Make sure you have a nice dinner. The key to not throwing up and avoiding a hangover is: (a) making sure that you don't drink on an empty stomach (b) taking one advil before going to bed (c) not being a fucking pussy, and being able to handle your liquor. For the record, I have 3 times been a pussy in my drinking career, twice due to drinking 90 degree shot of Captain Morgan with my nemesis, and once due to drinking like somewhere in the vicinity of half a bottle of vodka + some random shots in a one hour period.

- STOP WORRYING!!! You look fine whatever you're wearing, and for fuck's sake by the middle of the night, nobody is going to be able to tell/care what you're wearing/look like anyways. Just go out, get drunk, get laid, and have fucking fun. If you wake up on some random stranger's front lawn in a city 30 miles from where you started the night, who the fuck cares? Just call a cab, and chalk that up as you had one hell of a good time.

- HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! Hope you all have a super awesome weekend, and as always, GET DRUNK AND GET LAID!

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