Tuesday, August 30, 2011

2011 Hawt Chicks Draft Round 1

- Teams: Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads, Cougars
- Super Hawt Chicks will be selected based on breast size, body, face, sexiness, cuteness, star power, balance in fields and maintaining a balance of classy chicks, whorish chicks, HAWT chicks, and cute girl-next-door chicks.
- If chicks change their hair color, or if you don't agree with my definition of cougar then you can GFY this is my draft.


Blondes: OHH MY GOD!!! The hawt chicks draft has had its first stunner. In a move kind of reminiscent of the Baltimore Ravens, the blondes' turn has been skipped. Apparently they thought that Brunettes came before Blondes alphabetically.

Brunettes: With the #1 overall pick in the hawt chick draft, the Brunettes have selected Natalie Portman. The Brunettes are very happy to have drafted a rising star, who has been in everything lately (and been smoking hawt in all of them), apparently delivered an awesome lesbian scene with Mila Kunis in "Black Swan" which the moderator still has not seen, and I mean she's Luke Skywalker's mother. How can one argue against this pick?

Blondes: With the #2 overall pick in the hawt chick draft, the Blondes have selected Carrie Underwood of American Idol fame. Pretty much the hawtest woman in the world, this was an easy slam dunk pick, and a great start to the blondes team, as she is equally hawt and classy.

Cougars: With the #3 overall pick in the hawt chick draft, the Cougars draft Sarah Palin! OMG the Cougars have pulled off a stunner! Bypassing Jennifer Aniston, Salma Hayek, and Demi Moore amongst others, the Cougars have channeled their inner Al Davis going for the ultimate boom-bust pick. Half the country hates, some Republicans still blame her for Obama winning, but she will bring in the Tina Fey and Lisa Ann fans of the world, as well as all the men who can't resist that sexy librarian look. We'll see how the rest of the Cougar team shapes up after this shocker. Will they go for a balance of power and target Michelle Obama?

Redheads: With the #4 overall pick in the hawt chick draft, the redheads have selected Isla Fisher. After some insanity in the 1st round, this is as safe a pick as one can get. The lovely Ms. Fisher is famous for being a sex-crazy freak who gives Vince Vaughn a handjob at the dinner table, so she definitely has the sexy-freak thing going for her in addition to playing girl-next-door roles in "Definitely,Maybe" and others that I haven't seen/won't admit to seeing. An excellent to the redheads team.

Thus concludes our first round, to recap:

Brunettes: Natalie Portman
Blondes: Carrie Underwood
Cougars: Sarah Palin
Redheads: Isla Fisher

Tune in tomorrow for what should be an exciting 2nd round full of surprises, and heavy debate.

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