Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tips for Couples to make Yourselves Cooler and Less teh Ghey

Semi-inspired by this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother.

(1) No "pet names". Pretty much every couple I've ever known has them, so I guess they're the status quo, but HOLY FUCK they are so incredibly teh ghey and annoying, and nobody other than you finds them humorous. These little names just make the rest of us sick, and want to throw up in a trash can.

(2) Maintain your individuality. Don't refer to yourselves as "we", but be strong and be a person, not just a part of a relationship. Our founding fathers, and the men and women of our armed forces have fought for freedom and invidivualism since the birth of our nation, so don't just give your God given rights away once you enter a relationship.

(3) Talk some shit on each other. It's always fun and entertaining to watch couples make fun of each other, and it's healthy to point out each other's little quirks and flaws, so that they don't come to a head in a major meltdown.

(4) Absolutely no Public Displays of Affection and/or whispering "sweet nothings" to each other in public. They are gross, repugnant, vomit inducing, and unneccessary. We get it, you two love each other, there's absolutely no need to "show off" in public, and rub it in the faces of all the single losers out there, and to be honest, it can be borderline offensive and flat out not nice sometimes.

(5) Act more like friends, than boyfriend/girlfriend. When you talk "baby talk" and other ghey shit at each other, it just makes us sick. When you exchange banter as if you two are just best friends, it not only makes you look cooler, look like you have a stronger relationship, but actually earns you respect and cool points from single friends.

If you follow all of these rules, you are guaranteed to be the coolest couple on the block, have the respect and admiration of all your single friends, and be the model for which said friends will seek to emulate when they find that special someone.

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