If you or anyone you know, has any information that leads to the successful implemention in the moderator's mind as to what the fuck happened, please call the toll free hotline immediately, and you shall be rewarded with 1 brand spanking new blog post in your honor.
(1) Pretty much everything that happened between my 2nd game of beer pong, until when Mario passed out. Time period= very unknown
(2) How the FUCK my socks got soaking wet, while the rest of my clothes were completely dry.
(3) Why The Big Bad Wolf and I got into an intense and heated wrestling match. I'm pretty sure it was a "fucking around" (not in a ghey way though) fight, and not a roid rage pissed the fuck off fight.
(4) All the other 20somethings leaving. One second we're all out back playing beer pong listening to the Magician's jams, the next I'm in the driveway talking with all the 40somethings, and they are all gone.
(5) How much alcohol was consumed by all party attendants, particularly myself. Let's look at the facts:
(a) At no point in the night was I ever sick, never had a headache, and woke up with ZERO hangover effects, so I'm thinking I took it easy last night.
(b) Unblacked out around 1am, and remember everything after that, and was definitely drunk, but still when you unblack out during the night, doesn't that imply a period of nondrinking? Hmm...further investigation will definitely be required.
(6) Why I woke up feeling like a smoked a goddamn chimney. The early exit polls seem to suggest that no hookah or cigars were smoked last night, but honestly there is like a 2% chance that I didn't smoke some sort of tobacco product last night. It might have just been all the whiskey or scotch as it does have a smoky taste, but I really am sensing tobacco.