Memo to Moms: Obviously I have never been to a strip club in my life, because those places are just gross and repugnant, but a "friend" who has, has asked me to post these friendly tips for the general reading public in case it's 3 in the morning, and you have to take an emergency bathroom break, and lDO strip clubs and Denny's are the only places still open at 3am, and who the fuck goes to Denny's?
- Don't go to a strip club with the intention of not getting any dances. Seriously, just going to look at naked women is just beyond fucking ra tarded. Umm in case you haven't heard, there's this thing called the Internet, and on this Internet there's this thing called porn. Not that I would know obviously, but that's what I've heard.
- Bring all the cash that you intend to spend with you (pretty sure the ATM fees are outrageous there) and SET A LIMIT! It's really easy to get carried away, but setting a limit is the key, just like any vice.
- AVOID AVOID AVOID Orange County strip clubs. Yes they serve alcohol, but let's just say aww how to say this tactfully: The Women aren't as "open and friendly". If you have to drink to enjoy spending time with VERY morally flexible hot naked chicks, well then there's this place called Chippendales that might be more up your alley. City of Industry FTW!
- Wear comfortable clothing (NO JEANS!). If I have to explain this one to you, well then you have bigger problems that what you read in a stupid blog.
- Women are almost universally given free admittance, and from all accounts I've heard, couples tend to get super awesome dances. Plus most clubs have an amateur night once a week. Yea so if your woman loves the strip club scene, don't think about it, stop reading this blog NOW, and insta fucking marry her.
- Know how to say "NO". Yes it might be weird having all these hot women throwing themselves at you, but choose your strippers carefully, or you WILL get taken.
- Observe a stripper's stage dance before getting a lap dance, and get a lap dance before getting a VIP dance. If her stage dance sucks, so will her lap dance, and so on and so forth. Just exercise some common sense.
- Remember this is their JOB! Just like all the other women who reject your sorry ass at the bars and clubs, these women do not give two shits about you, and are just using/playing you to get into your wallet. The sooner you understand that, the better a patron you will be. Have fun, but be very selective and patient in choosing your dancer's or you are GOING to get taken and feel very bad about it after.