Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Racial Draft Rounds 1 and 2

Snake Order just like fbb/ffb drafts in alphabetical order.


Asians: With the #1 overall pick in the racial draft, the Asians select Eldrick Tiger Woods from the University of Stanford. He's more Asian than he is anything else, and sponsors or not, he's still the fucking man, and with a few more dominant seasons on tour will surpass MJ as the greatest athlete of all-time.

Blacks: With the #2 overall pick in the racial draft, the Blacks select President Barack Obama. Love him or hate him, he's still the leader of the free world. Barack gives the Blacks power to threaten all mixed-race future round picks into siding with them, or face the full might of the U.S. military.

Hispanics: The Hispanics select Senor Alberto Pujols from the St. Louis Cardinals. The greatest hitter in the free world, a Gold Glove Defenseman, supposedly a strong leader in the community, this man is Mr. Everything in the city of St. Louis, and unlike the other first round picks, he is universally liked, well unless you live in Chicago, or your name is Brad Lidge.

Whites: In a very surprising, yet clever move, the Whites select Carrie Underwood from American Idol. Possibly a move to counteract the Asians first round selection, as Carrie will all but take Tiger out of the running, this selection should have later round potential picks scrambling to prove that they're 1/64 white, because seriously who doesn't want to be on Carrie's team?


Whites: With their second pick, the Whites select Peyton Manning from the University of Tennessee. Selected just as much for his endorsement power as his athletic ability. In addition to winning his 4th MVP title this year, and striding for his 2nd Super Bowl ring, you can't turn on the TV without seeing Peyton Manning.

Hispanics: With the #6 overall pick, the Hispanics select Eva Longoria from Wisteria Lane. In what has to be construed as a reactionary pick to the Carrie Underwood pick, the Hispanics give themselves a fine complement to Pujols, as everybody should be desperate for this desperate housewife.

Blacks: The Blacks select Ed Alonzo (Denzel in Training Day) with their second round pick. On the surface this is an insane pick, but I actually think that it might be the steal of the draft, because King Kong ain't got SHIT ON HIM! If anyone dares oppose the blacks now, they run the risk of being nuked, or end up playing basketball in Pelican Bay. He'll frame you, he'll shoot a "friend" in the chest with a shotgun at point-blank range, Alonzo is a crazy mother fucker who has no rules and has allegiance to nobody but himself. The danger is that Alonzo is an explosive personality who is sure to cause conflict within his own team, and is almost sure to consider Obama a weak pussy, and will make his move for power and control of the team.

Asians: The Dalai Lama. In the hopes of landing the dynamic 1-2 punch of Lama-Carl Spackler (the greenskeeper in Caddyshack) the Asians hit the nail on the head with this pick, and are sure to yield the masses of people who seek "total consciousness" on their deathbeds.

No comments:

Post a Comment