Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Funny Drunk Stories

For the protection of all parties the names have been changed. The stories listed below may involve the moderator, readers, or people who have zero affiliation whatsoever with this blog. The what is what's important, not the who.

- Person A wakes up with the worst hangover in human history the night after person B's 21st birthday party. Person A's boxers are on over their pants, which he interprets as a good sign since the only thing he remembers was relentlessly hitting on all the single women at the party. After some brief dry heaving, he enters the living room which is a disaster zone. A bare minimum of 50 beer cans, 10+ bottles of liquor, food everywhere, and an uncountable number of spills permeate this once quaint common area. While beginning to clean up the uncleanable, he hears Person B puking his guts out, and person B continues to make the most gut-wrenching sounds for the next hour or so. Person A still has no idea how person B is still alive.

- On a limo drive home from a club and a heavy night of drinking, persons C and D fill an entire Vons Grocery Bag full of vomit. I mean all the way to the top.

- On person E's 21st birthday, person E was sick and not doing too well, and went outside. Person F attempted to aid person E, and make them feel better, at which person E for no reason whatsoever kicked person F in the nuts. Person F was not pleased.

- Persons G,H,I, and J consumed 13 sake bombs in 45 minutes. They then proceeded to walk to a nearby movie theatre, where person G mistakenly littered their popcorn with jalapeno sauce mistaking the dispenser for a butter dispenser. People who know person G know how much jalapeno sauce was in that popcorn. That popcorn did NOT taste good says person G, but the nonetheless the popcorn was still finished.

- Persons K and L were watching an episode of "24". Person L challenged person K to do a shot for every on-screen death. 40 minutes and 12 shots later, person K was on the floor, unable to move, drunk dialing every person in their phone book, bragging about the impressive feat.

- During a night of JAEGERBOMBS! Person M had to go to the restroom. When person M entered the restroom, they saw persons N and O lying next to each other face down on the floor. Person M really regrets not taking a picture of persons N and O.

- Person P is drunk as fuck walking down the Vegas strip with all their friends. Person P is taking every single "stripper/hooker" card in sight, and debating whether or not to call a chick that he is infatuated with, but has no chance with. Person P's friends implore him not to, but person P proceeds to "interview" every person he encounters Jay Leno Jaywalking style to answer the question. The people who say "No" get a "You don't know shit" reply from person P, but the people who say yes get high fives, fist bumps, and "I like the way you roll mother fuckers" as a response.

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