Wednesday, February 17, 2010

One Man's Observations About Women

Alright, in my time here on Earth, I have made many mistakes in conversing with females, and watched my fellow man make even worse mistakes with women. Here are some general observations I've made, although be forewarned, that you are bound to get yelled at/your ass chewed out/slapped/worse for just about anything you say and do.

- They really don't like to be called fat, either explicitly or implicitly
- They interpret everything that you say as "calling them fat"....ex) Man: "What do you want me to pick you up for dinner sweetie?" Woman: "Are you trying to call me fat?"
- The moderator's superpower= invisibility which kicks any time a hot woman comes within 20 feet of him. Hear that supervillains, if you want to kill me, you better not send Wonder Woman or CatWoman!
- Passive Aggression FTW!
- They're always nice and flirty with you, until you stop being their bitch, at which time they tell you about their boyfriend, whether real or made up who they just so happened to never mention before.
- Your function at family get togethers, is to hold her purse, and shut your mouth
- When they tell you to do something, they usually mean the opposite
- Except when they really want you to do what they tell you to do. Bottom line: When practical do exactly what they tell you to do, AND it's polar opposite, lol but then you'll just get your ass chewed out twice...2nd Bottom Line: When they tell you to do something, go drink a beer instead. You're going to get yelled at no matter what, just enjoy your time before the eruption.
- They seem to enjoy buying things just for the sake of buying things, even if said purchase is completely impractical
- Ice cream and frozen yogurt stores owe their lives to them
- Pairs of shoes owned = outfits owned
- As competitive as guys can be with each other at times, it's absolutely nothing like the competition that women have with each other. Just one fucking time, can I please be witness to a girl fight? Although knowing my luck, some dipshit fagtard will try and break it up.
- When they can't burn you for what you say, they burn you for "How you say it"...which is highly ironic for me, because the majority of time when I'm talking to women, I have no idea what the fuck I'm saying, much less "How I'm saying it"
- Ala the Mark and Brian gameshow, "You Just Can't Win"

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