Sunday, March 7, 2010

Best Man Speech

For those of you interested, here's the copy of my best man speech. I'll try to get it posted on youtube if I can.

Best Man Speech

Hello everyone, how are we all doing tonight? On behalf of the bride and groom, I would like to thank you all for coming, my name is Very Nervous, I mean Marc, and I’m the best man. I’ve known Paul for some ten years now, and trust me, to still be friends with him after all that time; I’ve definitely earned this title. I would like to start off by thanking the parents of the bride and the groom for putting this lovely day together, and for raising these two fine young people. Come on, give them a hand. I’d like to thank the Maid of Honor Ashley, and the rest of Heather’s bridesmaids for looking gorgeous as always. And of course Heather. I think you can all agree that she looks absolutely stunning today as always. She truly is the perfect bride.

Now apparently, the status quo in these types of speeches is to tell a few embarrassing stories about the groom as well as a few nice things about him. However, Paul has never really done anything embarrassing to speak of. For example I have certainly never been driving alone in his car, when a Gwen Stefani song came on the radio, and he just started busting out all the lyrics and singing the whole song start to, I’ve never walked into a bathroom to find him motionless, and lying face down on the floor, and, I’ve certainly never seen him kiss a guy . I really would like to tell you some stories of when Paul was intoxicated, but neither of us has experienced this feeling that people refer to as “drunk”, so I suppose that part of the speech is not applicable. And, I’d like to say a few nice things about Paul, but once again, I’ve got nothing, so I’m back at square one. No, but in all seriousness, Paul, you aren’t just my best friend, you are my brother. We’ve been through many highs and lows together, but you’ve always been there for me. When I was in the hospital and hurting, you were always there, when I’ve been down and needed someone to talk to, you were there, but most importantly, when it is 10 at night, and all the night’s baseball games are over, there’s nobody in the world that I would rather talk to. It’s just nice to know that there’s somebody out there who’s always on the same page with me, and I look forward to continuing our hour long baseball rants, and talking fantasy baseball and football until the point where Heather takes your phone away.

But to best describe why I love these two so much, I’ll have to take you back a little over four years. It was Valentine’s Day 2006, and I was without a date, and feeling pretty down. All my other friends had plans at the time, so I called up Paul, to see if he wanted to hang out, and he said of course. We hung out, played some cards, had a good time, and my mind was averted from the fact that I was single on Valentine’s Day. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Paul was supposed to go on his first date with Heather that night. Now most guys probably wouldn’t have postponed a date to hang out with his friend on Valentine’s Day, and most girls probably would have told Paul to peace out at this point, but Paul isn’t most guys, and Heather isn’t most girls. They ended up going on their first date the next week, and the rest as they say is history. So I just want to take this opportunity to say: thanks Paul, for being such a great friend all these years, you’ve truly been someone to “lean on”, and Heather: You’re not just Paul’s wife, but you’re one of my best friends in the world. You truly are “one of the guys”, I’ve enjoyed our friendly little rivalry, and thank you for helping me appreciate the greatness that is wheat bread. Paul, I’m so happy that you have found an awesome lady to share the rest of your life with, and Heather, I am truly honored to call you my sister. You two give me, and anybody who knows you hope that true love does exist, and I cannot imagine two people who are more perfect for each other, or who complete each other better than you two do. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness, and look forward to sharing many more great memories together with you both. Alright, well, now that we’ve got that mushy gushy stuff out of the way, its time to have some fun. When Paul asked me to be his best man, I was greatly honored (thanks again buddy) and promised him that I would be the best best man ever, and that included doing something a little different here in the best man’s speech, so with an assist from groomsman Brian Parrelli, without further ado, HIT IT!

(Set to the tone of "My Girl" by the Temptations)

I’ve got the headline
On this rainy day
Paul has his new bride
And she’s more than okay

Well I guess you’ll say
Single guys are in dismay
My friend my friend Heather
Has been swept away

They’ve got sooooo much love
For Mike Napoli
If good ole’ Heather’s wrong
there’s gonna be hell to pay.

Well I guess you’ll say
I really thought that Paul was gay
My friend my friend my friend
A brother to the end

Ooooo, hoooo
Hey, hey, hey
Paul’s still gay

He may have looked a bit funny
When he met this dame
But this wonderful lady
Still loved him the same

Well I guess you’ll say
What will they do later today
My friends my friends my friends
Talking ‘bout my friends

Thank you thank you. Now, I would like to propose a toast, let us raise our glasses to the happy new couple, my dear friends, Mr. and Mrs. (pause) Heather Owen.

No comments:

Post a Comment