Here are some helpful holiday tips to make the holiday season more enjoyable for you, your loved ones, and everybody around you.
- Read my blog everyday. Its awesome, I'm awesome, and it will make you laugh and feel better about life.
- If you have annoying as fuck little kids: call a sitter, send them to Miss Hillary, teach them some fucking discipline, I really don't care what the fuck you do, just keep them the hell away from me. I'm so sick of the yelling and the screaming and the crying.
- Do all your shopping in one day. Pick a day any day to do it all. Why spend weeks stressing about it, dealing with traffic, crazy soccer moms, and clueless fucktards like me who run around like a chicken with their head cut off when you can cram it all into one day and just be done with it?
- DON'T drink and drive! It's dangerous to you and everyone around you, and cops will be out in full force. get fucked up at home, or call your grandma to drive you home instead.
- Watch ELF! It's the best Christmas movie ever, will put you in the holiday spirit (unless your name is Ebenezer Smiths), and ohh did I mention that I JUST <3 <3 <3 Zooey Deschanel!
- Watch a lot, lot, lot of football! Bowl Season + NFL Regular Season coming to an end= ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!