Thursday, July 7, 2011

Why You Should Never have Kids! NEVER!!!

This post is dedicated to Natalie whose facebook status inspired this post. WOMAN! You and Rick need to become "followers" + I hope you heed my advice.

- Kids are annoying as fuck!

- 9 months of pain and torture (for the guy too). If you don't believe me on this one, try it you dumb fuck. 4 months in, I'll be drinking a beer, getting a lap dance, and laughing at your dumbass.

- The damage they will do to the woman's breasts. Tits are the most precious thing in the world, and it's like slapping God in the face to do any damage to them. Why do you hate God so much kid lovers?

- GG (Good Game/Arrivederici) Sex Life once that fucker is born.

- Once you have one, you're gonna want to have another, because he/she "needs someone to play with". Jesus what a dumbass argument, that's what friends are for? Unless that little fucker is a nose picker and has no friends.

- If that fuckhead isn't a nose picker, he/she will have friends, and that fuck will bring all of their friends over, and those other little fucks will cause you more headaches and trips to the medicine cabinet.

- Number of Kids you have X 10= % chance that you will commit suicide in the next 10 years.

- Babysitters, toys, college, sports, all cost a shit ton of money.

- Daughter= immediate investment in shotgun to keep her away from guys like you when you were their age + loss of all fun and income for a 1 year period when she gets lol married

- The constant sense of worry, and hoping they don't do the same stupid shit that you did, which they will.

- You will take care of and love them all your life, and when you finally need them, they'll ship you off to some old folks home.

- On the rare occasion that you have sex, it can't be loud sex, and where's the fun in that?

And the #1 reason why you should NEVER EVER have kids:

- The only time you will ever hear silence, is when they're up to no good.

So you stupid fuck, when the woman starts pressuring you into having kids, resist, resist, and resist some more. Get a vasectomy if you most, and then pay off the OBGYN/whatever other fucking doctors you see to say that she's the problem. Or don't listen to me, its your life, and you are free to make your own decisions. But 10 years down the road, when your drive to work is the highlight of your day, and you get laid even less often than me, don't come crying to me, because I'll just laugh in your face. Ohh and whatever you do, DON'T ever ask Uncle Marc to babysit, unless you're fine with them eating pizza, drinking soda, playing video games and watching baseball all weekend while Uncle Marc gets shitface hammered.

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