Thursday, September 1, 2011

Greatest Random Remembrances of All-Time

Based on the polling results, you all want more of this, so here is a recap of 5.5 years of going to war with my liver:

- Obviously the first time I ever got Vegas of course. Drank 190's, tequila shots, and probably more. Accused everybody of stealing my hot dog, stumbled in line for some nice club (no way in hell we were getting in anyway), yelled and screamed down the Vegas strip, some shit with running up and down the elevators at the Tropicana with Juan, watching Paul get 86ed from the Excalibur and getting hit on by gheys

- Jager Tap Machine night at la casa de Sam Dow. I remember very little other than seeing fools laying face down on the bathroom floor, and Ryan telling me that I screamed "You're a Fucking Pussy" over and over again at Paul while he was puking.

- Drunk Boxing and drunk poker nights at my old apartment. Bought a 12 pack of Coronas everyday at Rite Aid.

- Marcwalking Interviews on the Vegas Strip: I was contemplating drunk dialing some chick I was into at the time. All my friends said no, so I started interviewing people all down the strip. When they said yes, I high-fived them, when they said no I told them that they didn't know shit. Later in the walk we met this group of black guys who told me to call her and hit that shit. We high-fived, drank some, and I remember telling them that: "those crackers (my friends) don't know shit"

- The 2010 USC-UCLA game: drank about a 12 pack and about 1/3 of a handle of vodka before the game. I unblacked out at halftime, and had to piss. As I'm walking out of my aisle, some faggot Bruin fan refuses to move for me. I was polite and courteous as he had a little girl with him, but he refuses to move. I don't want to make a scene so I go the other way, but the entire 2nd half I go fucking nuts and scream infinte obscenities at the Bruins. I puke my guts out in the parking lot after the game, black out again, and have the worst hangover ever after the game.

- Ryan's birthday where we all drink a 12 pack during a round of golf, and ryan hits a drunk mulligan eagle. The moderator has to stop golfing because he cannot stand up without falling down. We keep drinking during the limo ride and dancing festivities, and somehow some parties manage to fill an entire Vons Grocery bag full of vomit.

- Being at the slot machine with cabron (Juan) and some crazy drunk guy talking to us. After a while, Juan asks where his guys are at. They had peaced out on him like 10 minutes prior, and watching this guy's reaction and try to figure out what to do was hilarious.

- Watching "24" with my college roommate Eugene. He dares me to do a shot for every on-screen death. 40 minutes and 11 shots later, I am on the floor, and literally cannot stand up. I crawl to bed- literally, pass out, wake up with an unreal hangover, go to class, and when my T/A in my Spanish class asks what is wrong I say: "Yo bebi mucho alcohol anoche. Yo soy pendejo". Didn't realize how bad a word it was, she says "Ayy marcos what did you say". But she was cool, and kinda hawt so we were cool. Damn I should have tried to fuck her.

- Ryan's Graduation Party: Me and Eric doing our shot for run bet, then me doing a LOT of extra shots after that. I think this was the night I earned the respect of Sam Dow and his friends as one who can hold his own.

- Some party at my boy Erik's house: Two chicks full on made out in front of me, some other chick grabbed my junk and wanted to SMD- I can't remember how I failed from there, shooting a ton of beer pong, playing King's Cup with some chicks and drinking the cup no matter who lost, and then something with the milk. You fucks better tell me what that's all about.

- Vegas: Visited some family during the day. My dad, his cousin we were visiting, and I all drink about 8 beers during the afternoon, so I have a very nice buzz going. Go to play some poker, and raise hell. Order 8+ scotches, get off, start betting/raising every hand every street without looking at my cards. I lose so much money that the other players order drinks for me and sneak them to me so that I stay at the table. Do some more stupid shit, get a 190, make like 10,000 drunk dials, get back to my room and throw all my shit and a million stripper cards in the room.

- Memphis: Road trip with Paul and Heather. We have the best BBQ of my entire life ainec at Rendezvous. We have quite a few beers there, so I'm pretty buzzed. I'm stumbling, get back to the room, start pounding the Johnny Walker, apparently start spitting everywhere, drool on myself, try to piss but madly miss the toilet creating massive puddles, and order a porno. Holy shit did Heather chew my fucking ass out the next morning, GFY Super Homo for just laughing at me. SORRY WOMAN!

- Every single Halloween for the last 5 years: can't remember shit, did a lot of stupid shit, got locked in the bathroom with a chick once (neither of us have any clue whatsoever wtf happened).

- Every single New Year's Eve for the past 5 years: I really don't remember shit, ask Ryan, Paul or the H's because I am clueless. I do remember the one where Ricky made Ryan and I drink like 10 shots back-to-back-to-back, then had some scotch with dinner, and there is a fb pic of me pounding Tequila straight out of the bottle at the end of the New Year. Worst Hangover of my Life!

- Whatever night it was when I confused Hillary and Heather's names for the last time. They were both bitching at me, I got very annoyed and screamed: "Woman shush/stfu/I don't know wtf I said" but it was funny, and thus the Woman moniker was invented and has stuck.

- San Francisco: drank like 4 Adios' in under an hour, blacked out and rambled about "Lucky Number Slevin". Rick's snoring woke me up so I screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP"! Then later I tried to get into bed with him thinking it was my bed no homo no homo. I also vaugely remember eating some awesome pizza, and destroying another phone. Also the night that Natalie earned Woman status.

- Destroying a phone and always falling in the water at Hillary's boat. Also the night I came out to everyone about my affinity for strip clubs.

- 13 Sake Bombs in under an hour with Coalition 27. It's oretty bad when 4 guys run up a $300 tab and don't eat. We walked to a movie theatre to watch Hostel 2 to kill some time. I mistook jalapeno sauce for nacho cheese (not the best popcorn I've ever had). I don't remember shit except laughing a lot- at HOSTEL 2 and peeing 10 million times.

- All those C27 shows at DiPiazzas and getting bombed on Long Island's and the one they played at that dive bar in La Mirada, when this chick made out with me, and I joyously screamed and ran around the bar telling everyone what had just happened. How the fuck did I not get kicked out?

- Everytime I am drinking with someone who speaks with Spanish and I bust out my primitive gringo espanol but usually make it funny as shit.

- Walking home from the Dow's wearing an undershirt and shorts with no belt, and all my clothes soaking wet. A smoking hawt lady cop pulls over and asks me if I'm ok, and I am so drunk I don't know how I fathomed an answer put I somehow didn't get arrested, but I didn't get to play with her and her handcuffs either.

- All the times at Downtown Fullerton: inventing "the spin move", breaking a phone when the Cougar Bar Nazis wouldn't let me in, pounding those IPA's at Branigans, awesome times dancing and drinking with my friends, 90% of which I have blacked out.

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